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toppp · 16 days

WHAT IS THAT EVEN A PICTURE OF?

Logically I want to say a French Press, but it looks like some sort of towering monument to a cow tongue or something.

yemd · 2 months

I'm a waitress, and while you're totally correct about management choosing customers over their employees, it goes a little deeper than that.

As a server, at any given moment my livelihood is in the hands of complete strangers. Whether or not I can keep the power on depends on how effectively I can kiss everyone's ass, kingly jerks and generous millionaires alike. This fact is so engrained in me that the entire time I am on the restaurant floor I default to smiling and apologizing.

About two weeks ago I was trying to buss my section after a Friday dinner rush and I had to walk through The Gauntlet, the two-man wide aisle that runs between our bar and high-tops that leads to the kitchen. It's only ever a problem when there are drunk people at the bar, because they tend to prefer standing directly in between my tables and everything I need to take care of them. So here I am, carrying a tiny drink tray with about twenty assorted cups and pint glasses on it, making my standard cries of "Pardon me," and "Behind You!" bobbing and weaving with all the agility I can manage when some guy on his cellphone coming out of the bathroom decides to take the 'shortcut' around the bar and slams into me, knocking the tray out of my hands and actually causing me to bang my head on one of the bar tables.

Now, I'm doubled over, trying not to cry, and I didn't even notice the guy had already walked away when I started mumbling an apology and going off to get a mop. I'm soaking wet with a lump growing on my forehead, and the first thing I do is begin apologizing to the guy who ran into me. That's what begging for your living does to you.

After my shift, a man who had been sitting at the bar watching the whole thing bought me a drink, loudly proclaiming that it should have come from "that dick who knocked you over."

TL;DR: Any server who isn't coddling and fawning all over you is either very busy or very stupid.

bugaosuni · 2 months

Not even banks bank-face their bills.

-My first manager to me at Taco Bell, and me to every subsequent manager asking me to waste my time like that

kitspark · 2 months

So...Psych just wouldn't work in Canada.

kitspark · 2 months

In Missouri, we call it "Posession by Consumption."

almostlucid · 2 months

I don't often attempt to embrace saidar, but when I do it's every time I take acid.

MasterJuanB · 3 months

I lost it when I noticed the prompt...

Writing Situation

The Florida Legislature is considering a law that would require teenagers to pay for damages they cause by vandalism.

zlavan · 3 months

I know this is /r/trees not /r/Drugs, but to make a long story short I took LSD and realized that I/we are the universe experiencing itself subjectively. The next day I found this story through Stumbleupon.

hannahjoy33 · 3 months

As a waitress, I wish I had more upvotes to give you.

crazedacorn · 3 months

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the way I read this story, you are implying that you were (unknowingly) racing a cop. Yes?

BearCatAbomination · 3 months

Please speak up! As a waitress, it's my job and I don't mind. I want you to be as happy as possible so you leave me as much of your money as possible!

Any server who feels 'bothered' by fixing a mistake on the part of the restaraunt is either ridiculously busy at the moment (are they sweating/running/carrying more than it looks like they should? If so, they're probably busy) or just plain doesn't deserve your patronage.

BearCatAbomination · 3 months

Do I stay and chat for a little bit, or do I just leave?

As a general rule, stick around for a bit. If for no other reason, people coming and going from most residential locations in a span of <30-45 minutes begins to look sketchy as fuck and is a no no. Especially if they're your friends, there is no reason to rush the 'exchange'. They've done this before, just let them set the pace of the interaction.

Should I offer to smoke them out?

If you want to smoke, then sure. If you don't want to smoke with the guy/at his house/right at that moment then don't bother. He won't be offended. If they offer to smoke you out, it is up to you whether or not to pack the next (Do you want to smoke more?).
Some tokers will insist by rule of ettiquitte strong as law you must repay a bowl with a bowl in kind, or offer to throw down, but I feel exceptions are to be made in a purchasing scenario. Would you finish up at the gas pump by topping off the tank of the delivery truck or the gas station owner?

But you said you deal with friends, so in the end just try and chill a bit and be yourself. Maybe you should smoke them out, just to take the edge of your anxiety.

Sorry, just (more than) two cents from a girl who remembers feeling exactly like that.

janearcade · 3 months

That's exactly me. "Oh shit, a guy is talking to me. Why does he want to talk to me? Did I do something to upset him?" I am a socially awkward lady.

Thank goodness I met my husband quickly, or I would've ended up some sort of secluded spinster hermit thing.

me_no_no · 3 months

I was the overweight friend.

ritesofspring · 3 months

My thoughts exactly.

sesla · 3 months

It most definately does (at least for those of us who aren't too far gone in the pit of wage slave despair), and if none of them ever have, I want to thank you on their behalf. :-)

It's the internet, so I can speak for my entire profession like that.

sesla · 3 months

As a waitress, I agree. To an extent. I am in a 'service' position, and that means you as a customer rely on me to meet your needs. Since you're relying on me, you must ask me for things.

Atleast that's the way to look at it if you consider me a human being. The plain and simple fact is that every day I find people who can not see me as anything but a subservient 'other' in a way that embodies the sort of dismissal I would relate to that of most slaveowners. To these people, I am just a set of legs to bring them food and drink.

I don't hate these people. I don't spit in their food. I don't tell the kitchen to 'deal with this asshole.' I continue to get them anything they ask for, however they ask me for it, because that is my job. I am human, and they do make me angry, but I do not act on that anger, because they are relying on me to do my job and get them their food.

It's not all awful though. For every asshole who comes through my section, there's a perfectly kind and caring individual (who may or may not tip well, and not all assholes tip poorly) to balance them out. Probably more than one. Plenty of people not only treat me like a person, but repay my staged server friendliness with genuine interest. These people make my day. They put a bounce in my step and help me keep the smile on my face.

I can take a pretty good measure of a person in only a few minutes when I'm at work. Sometimes that leaves me feeling cynical or depressed, but more often than not I can look back on my interactions with people over the course of an evening at work and find that most of those people were by default, kind. When approached with openess and and attitude of caring, most people I see respond with the same.

Sorry to ramble. TL;DR Your waitress knows your deepest darkest secrets, but is willing to keep them in return for 20%.

71619997a · 4 months

The www.cracked.com archives. And masturbation.

Stone4487 · 4 months

I just got home from work the other day to a duggie full of Sour Diesel compliments of the hubby man. My face exactly.

catsinmypajamas · 4 months

HOW DO YOU WORK YOU MYSTERIOUS STRANGER?

superunhappyfuntime · 4 months

My husband and I shared an apocolyptic dream (flying demon creatures and a local mall) back before we lived together. Only a small portion of the dreams overlapped. The entire dream he described involved the initial invasion and the excursion/battle in the mall, while mine encompassed the mall scene followed by an aftermath/prologue scene in the world after.

We talked about it a couple of days after it happened. I brought it up because I don't often remember my dreams, and because he had been in it.

His cousin relays a similar experience (also involving my husband, and also involving some sort of end of the world siege).

superunhappyfuntime · 4 months

I know I'm late to the party, but I on New Year's Eve 2010-2011 we had a time leak.

Some friends were over at our apartment, a bunch of wild hippie buddies of my roomate bringing all of the things that wild hippies bring with them. When the incident in question occured, a couple of these kids were getting lice (head AND pubic!) all over our giant suede beanbag chair upstairs and the roomie had passed out in the recliner. The only witnesses were myself, my husband, a strung out leprechaun I'll call Smalls, and some guy I had only just met. Most of what I knew of the newcomer boiled down to a few observations about how well he could handle the substances Smalls claimed he was on. We can call him Spunion.

The four of us are sitting on the couch, watching Avatar, at about 2AM, swapping stories and shooting shit. All of a sudden, my husband jumps out of his seat and runs into our bedroom. We hear some slight crashing coming from the other room, but before I can make it halfway, he comes running back out of the room with an empty trashcan in hand.

We were all confused, including my husband who swears we had needed it urgently. Whatever. We move on.

About twenty, thirty minutes later Spunion starts shaking and gagging and whatnot, and Smalls jumps up and goes to the kitchen for a glass of water. My hubbie, right on cue, begins to run for the bedroom. Then he remembers that he already got the trashcan, and that this was what he was trying to explain to us. Spunion did his thing in the trashcan, and my mind was blown.

TL;DR My huband jumped twenty minutes into the future to get a puke-bin for some random kid ODing in my living room.

thebpfeif · 4 months

This is a great idea.

I do still feel that a reddit blackout is sort of preaching to the choir a bit.

randomfoundation · 4 months

I'm so glad you said pens. I thought I knew you.

toraksmash

TROPHY CASE

toraksmash

TROPHY CASE

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