I was hanging out at a bar (underage), half drunk and just had my tongue pierced. I was sipping on wine and chowing on hot indian mango salsa and chips, so my tongue was fairly swollen. I'm sitting outside the bar, just as a couple of teenagers drive by slowly and start chucking eggs at our table. One hits me in the leg, and Pat, the owner of the bar starts to scream in high pitched, terroristic tones. He pulls out his cell phone and calls the police, telling us he was a former police officer, and that this will not go unpunished. Sirens begin to wail in the distance.

He herds me and my egg-struck friend into his van and gives the car full of teens chase. We speed down A1A blvd at 65mph, nearly touching bumpers with the old caddy. Just then, the cops theatrically pull in front of the car and it screeches to a stop. We tumble out, drunken excited, egg-covered heaps and begin speaking to the cops. My tongue is swollen to the size of an apricot.

The cop is asking for my side of the story. I reply "Well you thee offither, I wath jutht thitting there, and then they pullth up in the carth and pelth uth with eggth."

He gives me a police report to fill out, and I do my drunkenly best.

TL;DR: I got egged at a bar while drunk, with a recently pierced tongue, and my psycho-bar-owner friend led us on a high-speed chase by the beach.