I messed up.... and I need help...

Loopzy · 6 days

Obviously I don't know the details of your situation, but if this is really a close friend who is important to keep in your life, perhaps you should try telling her very directly that you believe your drinking is problematic, and that you're choosing not to drink right now, and that you can't hang out if she's going to pressure you to drink.

I had some friends who were in more denial about my drinking problem than myself. Drinking was a big part of what we did together, so by stopping, it felt like they would lose me as a friend. Besides, part of what friends do is encourage each other to shake off the bad times and not focus on the bad times... but when you have a drinking problem, a little focusing on the bad times is just what you need.

Like I said, I don't really know your situation. But sometimes friends with the best intentions can get in the way. At that point you need to have an open, honest, and direct conversation, and either they'll respect your choice or maybe it's time to take a break from that person.

Loopzy · 6 days

I don't think I can do that, and she's not the type of person who thinks i have a problem so she won't understand me trying to getting out of going.

If you don't think it's a good idea to go, make up some unrelated excuse. Also, realize that this won't be the situation forever. You might have to skip a few events with alcohol in the short term while you get a handle on your own situation, but don't trick yourself into thinking that sobriety means you have to run away from the mere presence of alcohol for the rest of your life. I was really concerned that I'd be forced to sit at home for the rest of my life just because "I can't be around alcohol". But that's not true. I can't drink it, but I don't get drunk by being in the same room with it.

That said, it took me some time of being completely removed from alcohol (not drinking it, seeing it, smelling it, being anywhere near it) before I really felt comfortable trusting myself around it again.

pkiyan · 14 days

The problem becomes how we define "selfish reasons".

I mean, the mere existence of cars as a mode of transport is at the core of any auto deaths. So are you saying that if the location I was driving to wasn't "justified" than that wasn't OK?

And if if merely driving is ok, but driving and talking on the phone isn't, is driving and listening to the radio? What about driving during sunny times without glasses? What about driving at 56 when the limit is 55?

The point... well my point... is that this is hardly the black and whitge issue that a lot people want to try and turn it into.

pkiyan · 15 days

Well then wouldn't you have to apply the same punishment to anyone caught texting and driving? There are studies coming out saying it's as dangerous or even more dangerous than drunk driving.

And then there's the studies saying that talking on a cell phone while driving, even a hands free setup, presents as much or more danger of an accident than drunk driving. So add them to the list.

And then if you look at the raw numbers in auto fatalities nationwide, it's clear that excessive speed (whether drunk or not) is actually the thing that is most likely to kill someone on the roads, so we better add anyone who speeds to that list.

I'm really not trying to defend drunk driving, but if you're going to start actually equally punishing people across the board for what could have happened, you're going to run out of school children for them all to speak to pretty quick.

dwiidiot · 1 month

Will I have to have an interlock for the rest of my life?

Not for life. But for awhile.

Will I see jail time?

Looks like even if you get probation instead of jail, there is a minimum 5 days that must be served if within 5 years of your 1st conviction. 3 days if within 10 years. Typically those minimums are very difficult to get around.

Also advice on how to go out with friends without drinking would be helpful...

It's probably going to be a while before you're really "going out" again. Take a step back from going out for a while, and focus on getting sober.

Johnny_Mnemonic · 3 months

You'd instantly be subject to breathalyzer

You would quickly be asked to take a portable breathalyzer test (which you can refuse, although that will typically result in an automatic suspension of your license for 6-12 months depending on the state). Even if you take the test though, PBT results are designed to be an indicating factor, not stand alone evidence. In most states, unless you get the actual breathalyzer results taken at the station or hospital thrown out, PBT results can't even be introduced as evidence against you.

or at least a roadside sobriety test

Again, these are indicating factors, not direct evidence. They are designed to inform the officer's decision whether or not sufficient probably cause exists to take you to the station for a proper breathalyzer or blood draw.

and alcohol does not kick in that quickly.

How fast alcohol "kicks in" isn't really an objective measure. But more to the point, any form of breathalyzer test can be substantially skewed by the presence of anything in your mouth shortly before taking the test (which includes the swig you just took). That's why there is ALWAYS a predefined observation period before a true breathalyzer can be administered (during which time the police are required to watch you to make sure nothing enters or exits your mouth (other than spit; you can probably spit. But if you throw up, they have to restart the observation period).

Now, I'm not saying this stunt would get you out of a DUI by any means, but the reasoning you've supplied isn't right.

Duh_Ambalamps · 4 months

I've noticed a lot of aversion to discussing this topic and I'm curious why. In my mind, this is a completely legitimate question. Whether you think drinking too much is a disease or a maladaptive behavior, comparing symptoms is a big part of understanding anything you're trying to fix. Establishing where you are on the spectrum is a huge indicator of what your next step should be.

Someone suggested that they didn't want to sound like they were bragging. I suspect if you're on this forum, you're past the point of thinking that drinking a lot is "cool", so I don't understand why anyone would think of it as bragging.

Another suggested that they didn't like to talk about it since it was the worst period of their life. I can certainly understand and respect that. But this is a forum about alcoholism and drinking... it's what people talk about here.

insearchofadvice · 6 months

I have been attending SMART Recovery for about 9 months and have been very impressed. I also did the 90 in 90 AA meetings shortly before finding SMART and AA just wasn't the organization for me.

SR views addiction as a maladaptive behavior, not as a disease. They do not focus on group reliance or any kind of sponsor system. SR is also not designed to be a life long program; they want you to come in and learn the tools (which may take time), but once you're good they want you to get back to living your life. SMART is not a social club to hang around in forever.

Rather than take the higher power aproach of AA, the principals that SMART teaches are dervived from our modern day understanding of human psycology. That's not to say that one is better than the other, but they are substantially different and you should figure out which approach works best for you.

SMART meetings run in a similar manner to AA meetings. Typically everyone sits around a large table and discusses issues with addiction they have recently faced and how they dealt with the situation. Cross talk is generally encouraged. The meetings I attend typically last an hour or less. There are also online meetings available on their website every night, but they tend to fill up fast so you have to be there right at the start time if you want to get into the chat (fills up at 30 people I think).

reddmau5 · 8 months

AA is a very broad stroke psychological approach to alcoholism (as opposed to say a pharmaceutical approach), and because of that it's effectiveness is going to be hugely dependent on the person.

series2003a · 11 months

You might try looking for an ALANO club in your area. They're basically just dedicated spaces for people to hang out as an alternative to the bar or whatever and tend to have multiple meetings per day. I've been to a few and noticed that they often attract a younger crowd.

prkchpsndwichs · 11 months

I think any kind of debt should certainly be considered before getting married, and if you're more comfortable waiting until someone digs themselves out before taking the plunge, I can understand that (romance aside).

But once you're married, you're kind of in it together, aren't you? You're on the same team, debt and all.

redditoroftheday · 1 year

As someone who makes a living in the realm of intellectual property AND an apparent avid fan of music and movies, what's your take on digital piracy? Do you think that it's a serious threat to the industry and if so, do you think that the RIAA and MPAA (and other groups) have taken effective and/or responsible steps to try and combat it? Do you think they should be doing something different?

WillPierce · 1 year

and think an LLC would be a good idea.

Why do you think it's a good idea?

An LLC is really designed to separate and protect your personal assets from that of your corporate assets. And the reason that is important is so that the corporation can do things like take on debt without jeopardizing your personal finances... but I'm not sure how you would legally take on any debts as a 16-year-old.

kappuru · 1 year

Are Indochino suits specifically made for skinny frames? Every person I've seen wearing one has been quite thin and dare I say lanky. I'm concerned how they would look on a larger frame.

series2003a · 1 year

I think most of them have clauses about losing the points when you return an item.

series2003a · 1 year

Yeah, I just did the math on some of these programs and realized you'd have to moving some pretty big amounts of money to get any real rewards. Airline miles seem to have the best conversion rates, but even those aren't great.

series2003a · 1 year

I have never experienced such cold before then or after.

You might have caught Michigan in a particularly bad cold snap. Don't get me wrong, I have no interest as defending the weather around here as pleasant, but there are lots of places this bad or worse.

Take your 14 days annual leave...

There's no mandatory leave in the US; I wish I had 14 days.

But I understand your point: Lots of other people do it so it can't be that hard and I just need to get off my ass and figure it out.

series2003a

TROPHY CASE

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