Hang in there buddy, I'll share a bit of my tale for what its worth. My experience was a little different with a lot of the same themes.

I also didn't have any friendships growing up because my mother considered even other children in the congregation to be unfit association. I worked out at a pretty young age I was gay, and had to spend a lot of years fighting with that contradiction. Ironically my moral compass instilled from my upbringing prevented me from living a life that wasn't true to who I was.

I had a breakdown and contemplated suicide pretty seriously as I felt trapped with no options. In the end I realised that whatever the outcome, could it really be as bad as not living at all?

I came out to my parents and went through a pretty stressful year culminating in being disfellowshiped and completely disowned by my parents. In some ways I think the fact I was baptised and my parents were so callous about it has made it a lot easier in the long run then the gradual estrangement. For me it was sudden and crushing, but I was able to mourn and move on. I went through that at 21 and i'm now 32 and still struggle with esteem issues and depression/anxiety off and on, but there's also a lot of good in my life.

Something to think about, and something I had to come to terms with. If you know with absolute certainty that your mother will disown you completely if you are honest with her then think about it this way... Then you are already carrying that burden ever day. The only difference is that you can't make peace with her decision until she is forced to make it. Bit deep i guess, :)

Making friends and relationships of all kinds of of the congregation is pretty hard. I found online to be really helpful! Reddit is pretty cool in a lot of ways because you can find people that share similar interests or baggage :)