If I was a guy, I'd reconsider getting a prostate exam

kloos2 · 2 months

THIS. Especially right before...gah.

DooDooRoggins · 2 months

I work at a school. Had a kid in my class named Queequeg.

No lie. Don't care how much you loved "Moby Dick," you don't do that to your child.

Triox · 2 months

As someone recovering from an ED, I must eat three meals a day, plus snacks. I enjoy the regulated formula of this and it keeps me healthy. Plus, I get super cranky if I don't eat at regular intervals.
You won't like me when I'm hungry.

morgandonor · 2 months

YES. Sometimes, when turning left with another lane next to me, I'll speed up because I always think the people turning next to me are going to try to pass me.

Testicle_Festival · 2 months

I don't know why this was the only one that made me giggle, but kudos.

newsdaylaura18 · 2 months

similar boat. So... YOU GUYS -WE'RE GOING TO BE OK.

chrismuthadamnsipe · 2 months

As a social justice teacher, I've been sent on a vendetta against the use of the word "gay." I don't necessarily condone the use of the word "gay" but I also know I'm guilty of using it occasionally. It has become a problem because many kids today use it for everything - and connect it to homophobia. However, the English major in me also recognizes that words and their meaning change over time. Like bitchin' - I mean, no one uses that anymore but how did that come to mean "cool"? Because its meaning changed.

And that's my early morning thought on the subject.

Rangourthaman_ · 2 months

What did 50 cent say to his grandmother when he saw her knitting socks?

G-UNIT!

(you have to say it out loud and I'm sorry in advance)

RevRaven · 3 months

My dad grew up in the wild of North Dakota. His claim to fame was burning down a mountain in his haste after stealing 40 gallons of ice cream and trying to run away.

He also tore off his knee caps from a bicycle mishap, would go camping for days - without telling his parents - with just a BB gun and butter (to flavor whatever he killed), learned to swim on on the back of his Mastiff in the rain-flooded waters of a river, and raised baby squirrels in his bed.

MyofficialTAC · 3 months

You, me, and my shit-storm of a relationship. Grad school - not just for postponing real life!

getitdonetherightway · 3 months

you don't even know. she should be and sometimes is. she's this amazing renaissance woman and I wish I could hate her. I really do. But she's so goddamn nice...I just can't...

WHO ALLOWED THAT COMBO?! IT'S NOT FAIR.

TacheErrante · 3 months

REAL TEACHER HERE - this is not so much a stupid answer from a student as much as a balls-out stupidly awesome thing to do. One 10th grade student, during my student teaching year, flat out refused to do the final research paper that I had assigned. He didn't tell me to my face. No, he emailed me. Here's a picture of the email tantrum: http://imgur.com/QfKRY

True to his word, he didn't do it. So I failed his ass.

getitdonetherightway · 3 months

Lots of weird stuff happens to her. Ryan Gosling took her to dinner once. She's very beautiful so shit like that happens.

getitdonetherightway · 3 months

This will probably get buried, but my friend had Bill Murray parallel park her car for her.

Seriously. She was near Abbott Kinney and trying desperately to parallel park her car on the street (anyone from LA who's been there will get what a clusterfuck this can be). Anyway, who comes walking by but Bill Murray and his dog. Being the awesome person he is (and also probably because my friend is really pretty), he stops, knocks on her car window, and when she rolls it down, asks if he can help her out. She takes his offer, he parks her car beautifully while she hangs out with his dog. After he was done, he walked off into the sunset.

shadytradesman · 3 months

Best life advice: just floor it. The answer to it all.

shadytradesman · 3 months

I mean, that's a better reason than you're just too scared and wimpy. My mom bought me driving gloves so I could feel more bad ass.

Didn't help.

shadytradesman · 3 months

...are you me? And out of curiosity, when did you learn to drive freeways? I'm 24 and still don't know how.

shadytradesman · 3 months

That beer before liquor NEVER EVER ends well.

If I had learned that earlier than I did, my stomach lining and esophagus would be thanking me.

LucidMetal · 3 months

This will get buried, but my first serious boyfriend was unstable. Like bi-polar, extreme Christian, emo (remember that?) unstable. I'll TL;DR the year and a half of our relationship for you: 1)When we get together, he forbids me to hang out with any male friends, ever, and to not drink and do drugs because he didn't. I was a sophomore in college - not drink? come on. 2)He was a cutter but stopped (supposedly) while we were together. For one of our anniversaries, he gifted me all his bloody, used razors to show me he wouldn't do it ever again. And I believed him but... 3)I SHOULDN'T HAVE because we got in a fight one night over the phone and the fucktard slashes up his arms, carves my NAME into one of them, then comes over and tells me, "Look what you've done." 4)After that, he tells me he think he needs counseling. He's from a really Christian family and his mother, instead of finding a legit therapist for him, sends him to a faith "therapist." That crazy bitch tells him to pray and work on his relationship with God, because that will fix the instabilities in his life. 5)He liked to tell me he was gay, because he liked to touch other guys' junk, but would never actually date one because homosexuality is a sin. 6)After one particularly bad fight, I broke up with him for the first time. We talk it out and he's so excited to be back with me that he then proceeds to get this image I used to doodle (he was a tagger) for him, TATTOOED on his wrist in an effort to get me back. After I repeatedly told him not to. I broke up with him the next day for good. And as far as I know, that tattoo is still there.

I feel stupid that it took me so long to realize how crazy he was.

samantharrrr · 3 months

oh. my. god.

looking at possible ones to buy right now. you have changed my life.

samantharrrr · 3 months

Maxi skirts. I used to hate how hippy-dippy they looked, until I saw my sort of goth friend pulling one off with combat boots.

Popped out and bought one. Now I love it. And goddamn, if it isn't comfortable.

Juno_Malone · 4 months

My mom got a call from an unlisted number once and when she picked up, the woman on the other end yells, " Grandma!"

So my mom asks her who she is and the woman spends 10 minutes trying to convince her that she is in fact her granddaughter and that she has fallen on bad times and needs money. She keeps going until my mom interrupts her and says , " I have no grandkids."

Click.

I got the same call a month later. Asked them if I sounded like a grandmother. Never got another call again.

samantharrrr · 4 months

I have a slim body, about 5'8" with small bones. Your suggestions sound like they'd work for me - thanks!

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