Disconnecting yourself from a manipulative SO - how?

effitthrowaway · 9 days

He kept the animals because I didn't think we should separate them and I was moving into an apartment that didn't allow dogs. I tried to share custody of the dog and visit the cat at his place, but it became too awkward to be in his new house with all our old stuff. I was living almost a half hour away from him and it got hard to find the time to visit. (Of course he never offered to bring the dog to me.) I miss them, but he takes good care of them and I get my animal fix by petting the neighborhood cats :)

effitthrowaway · 9 days

Trust your decision to leave was the right one. If you've broken up many times before then you know, deep down, you've made the right decision. Because you've gotten back together every time, he probably just thinks you'll come back if he just says some nice things and takes you on vacation.

I was in an 8 year relationship through college and into my 20s. We also broke up a few times and towards the end of it, we were just roommates who slept in the same bed. He refused discuss our relationship, always saying that he didn't have any issues with the way things were. When I tried to get him to listen to my concerns, he would dismiss me, stating that he couldn't deal with how "emotional" the conversation made me. Eventually I had to admit to myself that I was just staying in the relationship because it was familiar and somewhat comfortable.

Leaving him was the hardest decision I'd ever made. We had raised our dog and cat together and lived together for almost the entire relationship. We had recently moved to a new city where I only had a couple friends and I had just started a new job that barely paid me enough to move out on my own. But I did it and after the inital shock of being alone, I felt so free and excited to begin something new. I made new friends and eventually started dating. I wasn't looking for anything serious, but I met a wonderful man who is always respectful, is willing to talk to me about anything and is now my fiancé!

If you're not respected ALL OF THE TIME by this man and it has been 7 years and you've tried to talk, but he gets manipulative, LEAVE HIM. You deserve nothing but the best and he isn't ever going to give that to you. Don't let fancy vacations or promises of change distract you from how you really feel. I would also suggest not having any contact with him for a while. Give yourself time to grieve, but be strong and confident in your decision. Talking to him will only make the process harder and longer. A little distance and perspective will make it easier to see that you made the right choice.

withbellson · 22 days

I think just what you have on the invite: who, where, when. Is all you need on the invitation. All the other information can be on the website. Make sure to tell the other people involved with the wedding (parents, attendants, other family) about your hotel choice, where you've registered, etc. Most guests who have questions (and do not understand the internet) will probably contact one of these people for more info.

withbellson · 22 days

You should DEFINITELY include a card with your website information and the RSVP by date. Make it clear that your website is where they should go to RSVP, select a entree and find more information about your wedding.

Be ready to contact the few people who might not be tech-savvy, or make a few old school mail-in RSVPs for these people. Adding a phone number to the RSVP card and/or on the website might also be a good idea.

brandonsilverman · 1 month

This is really beautiful. Great job!

SvarteSvan · 1 month

I work in brand protection and anti-counterfeiting and I wanted to say THANK YOU for posting this warning. Sites like this - offering designer wedding dresses at a fraction of the cost of the real thing are counterfeiters. * They are criminals. * They will take your money and, since they are based in China, there is almost nothing you can do about it.
* Also, I've seen the factories where stuff like this is made and I would NEVER want to wear something produced in that kind of environment. (I know, I know, many legit companies also have factories in China, but these companies usually have standards for working conditions, health and safety, and environmental impact, not to mention the regulation of what chemicals they can use on the material.) I hope PayPal will give you your money back and I hope other brides will heed your warning.

russ_walker · 2 months

NPR had an interview with an author who has a new book out about premie babies. He mentions something about these types of displays:

"WOLFBERG: Early on in the history of taking care of premature babies, there were these odd spectacles in amusement parks, including one in Coney Island, where doctors had fashioned primitive incubators to take care of these small babies. And people who were coming to see shows and ride rides would also come and gaze through these windows at babies in incubators. And some of the admission fees paid to get into these amusement parks helped to support early medical efforts to save premature babies"

afkobaya · 2 months

Moose! But things can get pretty nasty if you're not all drinking the same beer. http://www.enotes.com/topic/Moose_(drinking_game)

Lilllly · 2 months

I was the hiring manager conducting an interview with a gal who must have been around 19. One of the questions I had to ask was "What was the worst decision you've made in the past year?" The other candidates said something like, quitting college or slacking at my last job, but she goes on to say that a few months earlier she decided to become FWB with her best dude friend, but when it became too awkward for her, she called it off and he ended up killed himself a couple days later. So her answer was that she wouldn't have slept with him... WTF!

yoyoyohomies · 2 months

I don't know if she's into fashion, but Advanced Style is a great blog for celebrating the style of older people.

IFlippedYourTable · 2 months

I met my fiancé through OKC and many of our friends also met online. Many professionals are turning to online dating because it is such a time saver! Its a great way to know up front if you have things in common. You also know (assuming they are honest) that they are single and looking for a relationship, too. Just be safe and always leave a note.

deadaluspark · 2 months

You should contact FreeGeek.org in Portland. They are doing something similar to what you want to do.

SleepyCorinne · 2 months

I second Sock Dreams for their thigh high stockings. They have free shipping within the US and they are based in Oregon so there is also no sales tax!

divvy1 · 3 months

In my situation it was a mutual breakup, but neither one of us had enough saved up to just move out on our own. I was willing to ask my parents for a loan so I could leave, but he asked me to stay a couple months so he could save some money for a new deposit, first/last months rent, etc.

Living together after breaking up was...ok, but just as I found a new place and was boxing up my things, he found a new girlfriend and his attitude changed drastically. He just couldn't wait for me to leave, and would ask, "Are you going to be here this weekend? Are you staying here tonight? When will you be completely out of the house?" - I didn't even have a bed set up at my new place! And HE was the one who asked me to stay a little longer in the first place!

There is always a chance that you two could get back together, but there is also the risk that his attitude could change and if you still lived together, you'd be in a much worse situation.

sak5173 · 3 months

My grandmother also went through the same thing. When she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, the doctors said she could have the surgery and radiation treatment (which might make her feel terrible) or could just ride it out and let it consume her, but maybe feel less sick and get to enjoy her last days happily with her family. But she was like, “Whatevs, I’ve done this whole cancer treatment thing before, I can do it again!” And so she had surgery and radiation therapy and she was NEVER terrible nauseated or ill. I am so glad she was a fighter and I got the chance to enjoy several more years with her before she had to leave us. My thoughts are with you. Make the most of the time you have with your loved ones. It never seems like it was enough once they are gone.

imlivingofficespace · 3 months

If the total number of children would be few, and most would be the "awful" 3, then don't invite children to your wedding. If many of your guests have young kids, it might be worth it to arrange childcare and a kiddie table if that means parents could enjoy your wedding and not have to worry about finding childcare themselves.

batshitcutie · 3 months

Upvote for Ari!

mykicksgetchix · 3 months

The ASPCA has a great list of toxic and non-toxic plants and flowers.

DeaconPDX · 3 months

I've been to a few events (but not weddings) where Vibrant Table has been the caterer and I thought the food was very tasty, but I don't know how they compare in price to other caterers.

rora6 · 4 months

Your story is so romantic and I also found my man in Portland. Congratulations!

LindsayMorton · 4 months

You are right to be suspicious of spelling. Reputable sites wouldn't have such poor spelling and grammar. Just check out their About Us if you want the redditor in you to squirm a little more.

LindsayMorton · 4 months

These dresses are made in and shipped from China. You may get a cheap dress that is poorly made with inferior material. You are basically dealing with counterfeiters since they claim to be able to copy any dress design. It is a big risk to order from places like this. You save money, but you may not get what you want and returns might have to be shipped back to China, or they might not honor your refund at all! They couldn't even be bothered to spell it correctly on their website - "exhange & retrun" - My advice is don't do it.

mykicksgetchix

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