(cont.)

Jareds heart and mind were magical vending machines. You could walk up to him, deposit garbage and he would give you gold everytime. A thoughtful and caring alchemist.

I met Jared at precisely the time in my life that I needed to meet a person like him. I was in the fires between youth and adulthood where questions were rampant, and I didn't like or believe any of the answers I was getting. Through his example, wisdom and humor I found a corner of life where I could remain at peace. Jared was truly unique but of a few traits I am privileged enough to consider myself kindred. Our appreciation of all creative endeavours, our ability to find beauty in the hideous, our cheerful nature. Of course, I can't imagine anyone knowing him and not seeing the same point of view.

I just want this to be the swan song of [his families] legendary pranks. The world is worse off, and I wish we all could have split your load with you. We all would have carried you for as long as it took if only we had been privy to know your anguish. I understand that in fading light it is hard to find a soul to share with. I understand the desire to extinguish gracefully the light you have blessed us with so many times in such confusing and depraved moments.

Mitch Hedberg said that alcoholism is the only disease you can get yelled at for having. I feel that depression, as a mental disease, has a similarly negative stigma. There is shame and guilt in talking about it, and so the strongest ones never will until the second mind convinces them that these terrible things are actually what they want. Self fulfilling prophecies which have a tendency to run free if left unchecked. By the time they are strong enough to have influence, there is often little energy left to check them. It's sad that this disease coincides with deep thinking and empathetic minds. The very minds we need to fix the problems that afflict us so desperately.

Jared would never judge any decision or affliction. He would only listen with concern to anything bothering any of us. I don't believe the signs were there, which makes this all the harder to deal with. I can never know his intentions or struggles. Based on his caring nature and his constant stream of uplifting remarks, I do believe he would want us to grieve healthily and move forward as soon as possible. He would have helped us any step of the way. Since he has left, let us not forget that we still have each other.

Maybe you didn't realize that all of these hooks between you and everyone that cared about you could have been parachute cords. Perhaps this was inevitable, only you are qualified to never tell us. I believe we could have cushioned your descent, and at our best I hope we did in some way. Tragedy strikes suddenly and viciously. We are left attempting to put together a puzzle with many missing pieces.

If you weren't aware you were playing follow the leader, it might be terrifying to look back and realize 100's of people had been following you as you went through life. We just wanted to see what next would take hold of an insatiable curiosity. You were too much for the world Jared, but we appreciated the ways that you helped to shape ours.

I ain't mad atcha, but I'm pretty upset about the jokes we'll never laugh about together again.

Beware a life inside your head. Paradise becomes a prison when outlets are snuffed. There is a bigger monster at play. It is stronger than an avalanche and it's greatest weapon is silence.

Burn brightly while your wick has the fuel. Hug them all a little tighter, or push them away a little less.