Ok. Let's try some things that will help shift the darkness. Trust me. I have been there. The 30 years worth of depression that followed me like a black cloud lifted. Try changing a few things in your life - little things that do huge things to you from a brain chemistry perspective. Pick up a Vitamin D supplement. Increase your intake. Depression and Vitamin D deficiency go hand in hand. Look at your intake of the bad fats - omega 6's. You want the good fats, omega 3's to be in a higher ratio. Buy a fish oil, or flax seed oil tablet. Take them. Take six of them if you need to. Exercise - even if it just means taking the dog for a long walk. You will be bumping up the endorphins in your brain. Brain chemistry matters. Look at your intake of processed foods. They are poison to the brain. I kid you not. I stopped eating processed foods, especially wheat products containing gluten and the dark cloud that followed me for nearly 40 years disappeared. My daughter went gluten free and she says she is amazed that the depression lifted for her, too. My nephew was a suicidal eight year old. As a gluten free/processed food free 12 year old, his teachers say he is a new kid. You gotta give up junk food. Trust me. Get rid of the soda, energy drinks, donuts, candy, etc. Sugar depressed a lot of people because it spikes your blood sugar and then drops you. Other brain friendly supplements - magnesium and selenium. Google them and see how deficiencies are related to depression. I eat a gluten free/vegetarian diet. I told a friend, who said, "How is that working for you?" My response, "My pants keep falling down." Let's get you healthy from the inside out and you will see the depression lift. I kid you not. First things first. Get the Vitamin D and fish or flax seed oil supplements. Start there. They are so important. Pick up Dr. Daniel Amen's book, Change your brain, change your age. Or, one of his others. He knows his stuff. Try shifting the story you tell yourself, too. You are more than just a story. You are bigger than any little story you have told yourself thus far, better, too. You are special beyond words and loved beyond words. You just don't know it yet. You are here for a reason. Maybe you will have a chance to heal others. Maybe you will lead others out of their depressions. Maybe it will be some other gift as yet unidentified. What matters is that it comes from you and you are here to share it. Trust that your essence is beautiful and special and you are here for a reason. You are not alone. You are loved. You haven't exhausted all your options yet. Try selenium and magesium supplements as well. Pay attention to doses. 200ug of selenium is good. Go ahead and start your omega 3 supplements high, though. Your brain needs them. Start adding more fresh fruits and vegetables to your diet, as organic as possible. Some people are like the canary in the coal mines, more sensitive to environmental toxins, like GMO's in foods. You may be one. You may need to eat very cleanly. Get rid of all neurotoxins from your diet - sugar, caffeine, alcohol. Play it clean. Get out side. Get some fresh air. Walk in the park. Go for a run. You must get your endorphins up. Let me know how you are doing with a new regime. I care. I want you well. The world needs your gifts. I do. We all do.