TL; DR Religion, Christianity especially, has detracted from my life IMMENSELY.

I await your response. I am really curious as to how you would fit this story into your view of a benevolent God.

A fellow traveler -A

Imagine a young boy who is born into a devout lower middle class family. A father who works hard and brings in a modest, but comfortable construction income. A mother who cuts peoples hair Monday through Saturday and gleefully parades her husband and children to church every Sunday. Then when jobs dry up the father slowly starts playing cards with his friends to pass the time when the work is slow, while the mother works more hours to make up the difference. Then imagine increasing fights about the household financial situation. It starts as disagreements, escalates to shouting, and finally all out violence. Imagine a boy comforting his little sister in the kitchen while they are both crying, hiding because they have no idea what to do. Picture the situation getting worse so that days go by without food. The boy prays to God. He prays to God because he learns in Sunday school that He would protect the innocent. He prays because he went to a retreat in the woods where he was absolutely sure he felt God's presence and unconditional love surge through his body and cleanse him of all his sins. Eventually, things get better. Thank God!

The father gets well-paying union work and the whole family can move to the suburbs and live with the regular middle class. It's close enough to the upper middle class to know what even they do. The father starts to visit casino's more and more. Imagine a high school student who comes home his junior year to change clothes. He plans to attend a party full of pretty girls with his two closest mates. However, when he goes inside, his mother is weeping uncontrollably. The air is thick and he can't breath, but he finally gets the courage to ask "What's wrong?..... It's him again isn't it?..... What did he do this time?" She just cries harder. Finally, she stutters between hard breaths, "He... he tried to.. kill himself...AHH He's .. AHH...at AHHH motel 6." "Fuck that!" he shouts, "I can't take this shit anymore!" He storms out. He gets in the car. His friend's know something wrong. "LEt's go" he commands. But then guilt overrides him and he goes back inside.

Together the mother and son go to the motel 6. Walk down the hall and open the door. They walk in to find what used to be a man on the toilet. His wrists are cut and eyes are forever sunken in. To the left he witnesses a bathtub full of bloodied water. His father had gambled away tens of thousands of dollars on a business renovation and knew he had no way to pay it back. After he recovered, he ran and never came back.

I knew he had a problem as a child. I prayed to God every day. I begged Him to stop the fights. I begged Him to help my father understand what this did to our family. Maybe, I was too sinful to help. Maybe, I was too demanding. I should talk to Him like a friend every moment I can. So I talked to Him at school, in the park, and especially while I was lying in bed at night. But friends don't let you starve. Friends don't turn their back when you need them most. You know what helps me understand what I went through more than anything the church or a priest ever taught me? It's that demand for construction workers go through ebbs and flows (economics). Gambling can become an addiction when a specific neural pathway is strengthened (neuroscience). I realized that if I didn't want to become a pathetic waste of precious life then I'd have to find a way to do it myself (introspection). I went to community college, because I was a nihilist in high school. Then I transferred to a university and graduated with a degree I knew was in demand. I stopped myself from overindulging in addicting activities and substances. And I still think about what I do. I allow myself to call myself a dumbass when I am. Conversely, I congratulate myself when I'm living properly.

God does not fit into reality. If you want to delude yourself, then do it. I believe in your full inalienable right to do so, but I'd like to be able to say it's stupid in public without fearing for my livelihood or worse yet the safety of my friends and family. Your ilk easily criticizes petty things like music and sometimes important things like cultural practices all the time, with little to no consequence.

Religion made me seek help from the air when all I had to do was be strong for myself. I still have trust issues because of it. And the guy never even talked to me. Maybe, it was the devil that made my father do the things he did. I like to think it was the economy and his inability to seek help from PEOPLE when needed. I'll be goddammed if another kid has to go through life helpless because of some fairytale. Oh and guess which group of people turned the family into social outcasts during the starving incident. You know what they did do? Give pitying glances and talk indignantly about my family like we were a burden to the church, like it hurt them to even think about what we went through. Thanks for the help and understanding! Your prayers really helped satiate my appetite as a kid!

Edit: I also kicked my dad's ass in high school using the strength I developed from being a 3 sport athlete. God didn't protect my mom from getting beat. I did.

Edit 2: I'm sorry that this turned out the way it did. It seems you were trying to have a civil discussion on how I can tolerate religion. I won't hate religion when it doesn't matter anymore. Given my life experiences He truly and unforgivably let me down. I guess I'm no Jesus. I can't just forgive and forget. I'm petty. But He's not real and if He was He'd be a psychopath, so fuck Him, right? ..... Not smited yet. You sure this Guy is real. Same shit goes for Allah, Muhammed, Yaweh, Tom Cruise, Xenu, Shiva, Zeus, Odin, and other imaginary assholes.... barring Tom Cruise, who is real and some say is an asshole.

Edit 3: Grammar and spelling

Edit 4: TL;DR to explain why the f*** their is a HUGE body of text under it.

Edit 5-20: Tried to make it shorter, but it became longer. Please forgive me.