Boyfriend's illegal drug addiction is killing the love I have for him. Help me, /r/relationships: intervention, or just time to break up?

LoveGoneUpInSmoke · 2012-05-27T00:34:34.815260+00:00

Have you ever actually put any effort into researching marijuana, or any other drug? Compared to alcohol, cigarettes, or manipulative prescription use, marijuana is one of the least directly harmful substances you can take. If you are going to claim alcohol isn't a drug, you should probably just stop reading here, and break up with your boyfriend. You're going to be miserable with him, and you're going to make him miserable by acting like he is some sort of freak for enjoying marijuana.

When you go out with friends, do you drink? Do you ever sit down, have a glass of wine, and relax by yourself? Would you consider yourself, or somebody you know, an alcoholic requiring intervention, treatment, and social maltreatment if they like to drink on occasion?

Like alcohol, weed shouldn't be used in excess. I personally do not approve of spending every waking moment stoned or drunk or tweaking or zombified on opiates or under the effect of any other drug outside of prescribed pharmaceutical use (treatment of mental health problems, namely). Its sad and depressing to watch people spend their lives like that. If that is the kind of life your boyfriend is aiming for, I would break up with him.

I do not smoke weed- its not a drug that I really enjoy. I've tried it, though. And its hardly harmful. I just prefer to spend my money on other things. If the company I am with pulls out a pipe and a dime bag or a joint to smoke, its all good. Just don't do it in my house (all smokers, pot or tobacco, go out to the driveway). The Reddit community tries to promote tolerance, and this includes tolerance of the use of marijuana.

allnightgaragesale · 1 day

I really enjoyed this:

Lincoln replied that he could kill himself, that he was not afraid to die. Yet, he said, he had an "irrepressible desire" to accomplish something while he lived. He wanted to connect his name with the great events of his generation, and "so impress himself upon them as to link his name with something that would redound to the interest of his fellow man." This was no mere wish, Lincoln said, but what he "desired to live for."

TheBattleTheNeed · 2 days

Instead of simplifying life to sex, try replacing the value with growth. We need to grow as individuals, as a community, and as a global society. When you make this substitution, life is significantly more complex than what sex would make it appear.

You aren't having a child as an end goal, you're having a child as a side duty to your species, in addition to learning to care for yourself and the environment around you. If you're a successful human, you should have a kid.

Finances shouldn't worry you, unless you're living in poverty or would have to with the added expenses of a child. Try redefining 'smart', too. It's to vague of a word that can be applied to anything from something that hurts, to brilliant but poor scientist, to a drunken asshole self made millionaire, to technological leaders guiding the world's future, to scavengers who survive off of manipulation and exploitation of the weak. Being smart is hardly a virtue in itself.

If you wanted to be rich, and had a knack with money, wouldn't you already be working towards that? Don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that you might some day achieve riches if the only variable in your life that is changed is having a kid.

dexxter67 · 2 days

Between 15-17 years old, I gave myself 7 ear piercings, a belly button piercing, nipple piercings, a lip piercing, a webbing piercing, and a tongue piercing. When I was younger than that, I liked rings and necklaces... But grew out of that.

Now, I don't even wear a watch, all of my piercings are removed and am jewelry free. It feels encumbering with it on, anymore. won't even wear a hat, and my pockets are empty except for wallet, keys, and my phone.

redstonehelper · 4 days

Growing a tree of life! If it's placed beneath a tree's dirt, increases the odds of dropping golden apples significantly. Otherwise grants you super powers to eat...

kidd_vicious · 4 days

What are his interests? I have a dog, would like to dress well, a car that I'm investing a lot of time and money into, I like to bake, and I absolutely love Indian, Thai, and mexican food (and will put anything into my mouth if I've never tried it).

Kongs are amazing dog toys, and treats are always in high demand. Teaching him a new trick while I am away is adorable. My wardrobe is shamefully small and worn out, a new jacket couldn't hurt either. My car could use some touch up, either a car wash+vacuuming or some minor engine work. Baking ingredients are always running low, and there are a lot of tools I would love to have upgraded. Going out to dinner is always fun, or possibly a cooking class for the both of us.

And always leave a note in your handwriting, if possible. Whether its an invitation to dinner or a surprise (tell puppy dog to do x!), it's absolutely heart touching. I like a woman who is confident enough to spend a little money on me, and absolutely detest the Dom/sub standards so many relationships develop. I like an equal, so take that into account when you pick out your gift.

::edit:: grammar

DiegoLego · 4 days

Poor study habits. My books are three feet away from me, but to pick them up and read for the next 10-45 minutes strikes a haunting cord in my brain.

DuskyOrphan6944 · 4 days

I like having music on. It can be anything from top 40 to a mix tape from a traveling gypsy punk band. I lean towards high bass, heavy rhythm. The words in the song are irrelevant. Actually, the better I know a song, the less I will listen to it, because singing along distracts from what I am doing. So it's constantly rotating, and artists I really like get less play than the artists I am less fond of.

ARMPIT_FETISH · 5 days

I know a girl that, after meeting anybody for more than 5 minutes, gives off the 'I want your dick' vibe. ANYBODY. Group run on a warm day, and at least one guy is going without his shirt? Bam. Her fine, freckled ass is in yoga pants and a sports bra, sweat dripping down her chest as she tells you about how she's joining the army after she finally graduates high school (she's almost 21..) for the 20th time. Doesn't matter who you are, she just wants to be as naked as possible. She is also really bad about holding eye contact for too long, which combined with booze and close proximity is just asking for a kiss.

I gotta work out with her more. She may be dull as a the wrong end of a butter knife, but god damn is she fun to have around. The perfect party person.

southernlights · 7 days

I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I picked up sciences and math really easy, but also did rather well in English classes entirely because it was easy to figure out the formula the professor was looking for, and then just pumping up a couple of essays and passing the class.

I actually tend to do worse in math classes compared to English, because my study habits are awful. I wouldn't say that it's unusual at all.

cheek_blushener · 8 days

6'2 here. Drilled a couple holes in my ceiling, and attached my pull up bar to the cross beams that support the roof. About a foot between the bar and the ceiling, which happens to be enough to fit my feet through to do suspended sit ups.

iwouldntsayno · 8 days

I spent a lot of time with a girl I liked, I think she was an enfj? What ended up killing any serious, future possibilities was that she wanted to know the real me... She saw through the masks I put on. But when I tried figuring out what the real me was, I honestly didn't know. Still dont know. It's like I'm constantly rotating between several fake personalities, none of which I particularly enjoy wearing, but all of which seem inseparable from me. We stopped talking shortly after that, and I can't blame her.

Adarkox · 9 days

I was Writing you a list of food to purchase at the store, including seasonings and wanted to add some recipes. But to be honest, you didn't give any indication as to what kind of food you like.

Check out /r/cooking, they should be able to get you started. Learn to make a pasta dish, enchiladas, a couple good sauces (necessary for pasta), and/or something else for when you have a date over or a group of company to eat. Keep something easy around like whole wheat bread and peanut butter/jam/deli meats and cheeses.

Think up what you want to make, keep it simple, and buy the groceries necessary for the food.

TheVenetianMask · 9 days

As I meet more people, looks become less important. The clothes you wear typically are what you want the world to see you as, so it's important to dress well and keep groomed. But just because a person dresses poorly or drastically different does not mean they are not people you might get along with.

Basically, looks aren't everything; and they frequently get in the way of actually finding people you might like.

southernlights · 9 days

This is true, but if you figure your academic system out, it can be very rewarding. And a little bit of training, either through a university or through a trade school, can let you skip jobs that barely keep you above the poverty line and let you skip straight into a decent paying career.

I personally, am an advocate of school, because it allows me to pursue something I find rewarding, rather than wandering aimlessly and alone...

RedAnarchist · 10 days

canttellifsarcasm.jpeg

southernlights · 10 days

Wait until you get into college, past your first year or two. That where your study habits matter more than being able to recognize patterns. Cyanotical is absolutely right- we tend to be able to mimic what we find effective, which can be applied to other personalities as well as the basics we are taught in elementary school.

But you still need to learn how to study. Being able to commit patterns to long term memory is a fantastic skill to learn, and studying is good for that. If school is too easy, look for other things to learn that are more challenging, or talk to the administration to see of you can be placed in more challenging classes.

SQ_Minion · 10 days

Anxiety is an absolute killer right now. I posted in r/askreddit about it... Not terribly helpful.

Depression runs in my family, so it's hard sometimes determining what is genetic depression, what is anxiety, and what is just circumstantial depression. Massive challenge. There is a constant argument, "do I find meds? If I do get meds, would I stay on them? What would I get meds for? Will the feelings just pass, or do I need to worry about this?"

Not really contributing anything, but you're not alone.

Shyntzyne · 10 days

On the bus, I'll just put in headphones or read a book. Do homework. Demonstrate that you're busy, and they'll leave you alone usually.

Otherwise, either change the subject onto them, or onto something they don't want to talk about.

laksalover · 11 days

One of my earliest memories is watching my dad break an old school swivel, solid wood desk chair during a fight with my mom. It's not as traumatic as some of the other posts here, but memories of their constant fighting still haunt me.

Fissure226 · 11 days

I use the calendar on my phone for just about everything, now. Also taking notes and making lists, if there are several things I need to do in a day. Procrastination is a bitch, though, and can be directly attributed to many problems I have in life.

before my extensive calendar use, I pretty much just sat at home doing nothing. Still need to figure out how to get off reddit and study, though. The stress was unbearable, without a schedule of sorts. Knowing that I was messing something up by not remembering was absolutely killer.

flyinfart · 12 days

I'm running 30 minutes every day. Will try meditation.

flyinfart · 12 days

I quit smoking trees when I was 18. Thanks though.

Edit- 3 years clean, actually, now.

flyinfart · 12 days

I will definitely be trying this. Thanks

flyinfart · 12 days

I spent 6 months wandering the bible belt living homeless. I can tell you firsthand about shit existences, and scraping by to survive. If I went to a third world country to volunteer- I would be more of a drain on the program than a help. They want people with money and extensive training or education. You want to know how much money I have? 3000 dollars of student debt, and it will be growing in the next 3 weeks.

Knowing what it feels like wading through shit does nothing for stress. Don't spew that bullshit. I may not be fighting the same problems, but I'm still fighting to survive. I'd like to learn how to work through it healthily.

flyinfart

TROPHY CASE

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