Indeed, old friend. Indeed.

As a boy, I never thought I would find love; who would have thought I would be wrong only a decade later. The sequence of events that led to my romantic endeavors were astonishing, to say the least. I was but a wee boy of 15 years old; ignorant of the body of a woman; ignorant on how to use my male gift; and, quite frankly, ignorant about how to hide my boner. This led to many initial problems, yet I was eager to learn and overcome my weaknesses. I studied hard; intently staring into the vagina of my true love, seeking the answers to all of life's mysteries. I practiced making love every opportunity I had; of course, not with my lover, she was a virgin at the time and I, too, had not yet entered my pipe into the jar of proverbially honey (Naturally, I used a teddy bear instead). I trained the art of ninja, and I managed to hide my boners thenceforth.

After months of training, the day finally came; I was finally prepared to make the proposition of congress. I professed my sweat love to her, and whispered softly, slowly into her ear, "My darling, my love for you is like diarrhea, I can't hold it in."

She wept, and we made love.

I still think about her; I have since moved on and found another, but I will never forget her. Her and her sweet bowel problems.

TL;DR, lost my virginity to the love of my life; she had diarrhea.