I am right there with you bud. It will get easier but you may never think it will. As cliche as it is, some of these things happen for a reason and you are not alone in these feelings. We all feel that way and I have to, but life is about the little victories and struggling to find the happiness in them. I went on med finally and it has helped but find myself abusing my own body with pills and beer. It has finally taken months and me finally saying fuck it there is more to life than her and trying. I keep a post it note on my desk at home that says "Keep trying". I have to tell myself there are reasons to care but you can get through it. If nothing else, we can do it together. Message me if you need to.