Thanks for your help everyone. Upvotes for all. explored all suggestions and the internets and had to back it up. It's bizzare to me that this is a thing at all. Granted I was being an ass- but i'm sure there are legitimate times where this happens to people and their data is fucked. I feel like this option shouldnt be default- it should be something you choose to turn on with your phone. "please don't ever permanently lock me the fuck out of my phone... even if it seems like someone stole my phone and is trying to open it lots, It doesn't have nuclear warhead control- it's a cell phone"... and of course if your phone DID have nuclear warhead control, then by all means turn that feature on.

Thanks for everything guys- you are all awesome. Time to deal with being the dickest person in my family until some other inevitable dick thing happens among us.