Come to the UK. Throw stale buns at the lines of unemployed. See Chavs at play in their natural habitat. Doff your cap at the land and gentry in power...but avoid eye contact! See the supermarket trolley sculptures decorating the landscape. Hear the call of the street beggar. Take the 'five hour traffic jam' tour of the M25. Play the immigration queue game. Interact with the incredibly lifelike charity street muggers. Form an orderly line for the battered baby attraction. Watch the rich get richer before your very eyes. Roll up, roll up for the dementia care home beating.

And we have tea.