Reading your post was like reading my own story. I have the exact same problems. I am now currently a year taking time off of school, after dropping a level after my first three years of highschool (over here in Holland stuff is kinda different), finishing HS at a lower level, then joining college only to switch to a university, only to screw up that whole year, trying the same year again, and still managing to screw it up (not making my HW, feeling guilty, seeing me falling behind, feeling incredibly ashamed and as if I'm a dissappointment towards everyone around me), and even after that, switching back to a year of college which I, once again, completely screwed up.

So now I have a year for myself. I have been diagnosed with adult ADHD when I was 19, which is rather late. My parents have always been pressuring me to get good grades, and getting mad at me over the simplest of failures, because they knew I am intelligent enough and my older brother was doing fine in all of this. After my diagnosis I went to a therapist, who basically told me he couldn't help me much, I went to see a psychiatrist, who prescribed me 20mg of citalopram (cipramil) a day + 40mg ritalin for starters and after a while 60mg ritalin a day. The 40mg ritalin was okayish, but not enough to make me concentrate, while the 60mg ritalin made me very anxious and stressed out. Also, the ritalin (which is similar to adderall I believe?) made me very aggresive once they'd work out (after 4hrs) which completely sucks for someone with ADHD ofcourse. I also tried concerta for a while but this had basically the same effect. Concentration went up, but either not enough, or anxiety and aggresive behaviour went up along with it.

I am now not using any ritalin at all anymore, also because this year I decided to take a year off. Ever since HS I've been trying to keep up, and líving in a constant stream of embarassment, shame, guilt etc. In this year I am taking therapy and receiving different medication. **But before I was able to make that happen I was in a very unhealthy and unlucky relationship with a guy that kept pressuring me to get a job, get a life, get an education, attend school etc etc. Even though he probably meant it as helpful, for me it was simply yet another person that just didn't understand me, yet another person that made me feel ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE about myself! I've noticed that it is very very bad for a relationship to live with this kind of pressure, and I would love to recommend going to couples counceling, even though there might not be great problems as of yet, I've read a lot of ADHD books in which is advised to go to couples counceling from the start, just to simply prevent some stuff.

If I could do stuff over, I would've definetely dragged my ex's ass over to counceling. He never quite understood me, and it made me feel so extremely lonely and like such a failure! Also try to find help at your college! I'm not quite sure how stuff is over there, but over here there is always a person you can go to with personal problems. Ask if they can help you, with maybe a personal adviser. I had a teacher help me out, which I'd see once every week, who'd ask me what the homework was for this week, who'd help me make a planning, who'd keep an eye on me if I started to fall behind. To be short: it was really amazing (but I even managed to screw that up by simply not showing up one time and being too embarassed to come back after that). **

Wow I'm rambling! Anyway I hope this has proven a bit helpful. I have an anxiety disorder, depression and adult ADHD. I am now using 150mg of venlaxafine (anti-depressant) and no adderall/ritalin whatsoever. I am 21, I have no job, no significant other (which makes me feel lonely sometimes, especially considering everyone around me is getting married so young here! I live in a traditional village lol), no plan! Oh wow I almost forgot, this is also why I recognized myself so much in your story, I have absolutely NO IDEA WHATSOEVER what I want to do with my life! Sure I have my interests, but I have NO idea what kind of job I want or what my goal is!!!! Bah!!!

Okay well enough about me: to be short: try to talk with your SO, try to find couples counceling because the pressure is TOO MUCH TO HANDLE ON YOUR OWN!!! And try to find someone at school to guide you! Be aware of your rights as being a chronically ill (disabled) person (even though this sounds quite negative, this is in a sense what we are, so we deserved to be treated in ways that meet our needs!), and once aware of your rights, ASK FOR THEM! Nothing comes for free and it surprised me even in the therapy/mental health/help business that most of them are just doing their job and you need to roar and scream around for people to help you!

I wish you the best of luck! Don't feel alone, because you are NOT! Don't feel worthless, because you are NOT! We are NOT in any way worth less than other people! We are very charming people, with our own sets of abilities! I wish you a HAPPY life and I hope I helped you a bit!

Edit: put the important stuff in ** bold ** because my story was huge, and not very organized. Lol! :D