How would you train an "off limits" area?

Copterwaffle · 4 days

Ahhhh PERFECT. Thank you, I googled but I was really having trouble finding anything.

Oddly_Happy · 4 days

I'm so sorry :( That's so much to deal with. Don't act a way you don't feel. It's really encouraging that you are so self-aware, though. You're going to make it through.

Oddly_Happy · 4 days

Oh geez...I think that your knowledge of attachment styles and child abuse statistics is making you feel a bit hopeless, yes? I'm getting a PhD in developmental psychology. I can tell you that fitting into a description of a certain attachment style does NOT doom you. In the statistics used to create these categories, there is variance, always variance. It does not mean that all abused children do follow a particular trajectory; rather, it means that for a population as a whole we can predict a certain trajectory. Almost every single dot on that line of trajectory varies from the predicted model...meaning this is not something that dooms you. The people who deviate from that model, and there are many, are termed "resilient," and there are many things that make them so. Those things include not just external factors like good social support, but the way in which survivors think about and frame their experiences.

Are you familiar with the concept of adult attachment styles? They differ from those applied to children. Essentially, the way in which they categorize an adult's attachment style is based on how that adult can reflect on his/her life. Adults can have awful, shitty childhoods; but research has found that if they are able to frame that childhood in a realistic and coherent way, it predicts their well-being and the attachment style of their own children.

An attachment style is not something you just have or is thrust upon you. It is something that you co-construct. You are an active participant in everything in your life, including how you are able to relate to others.

And to answer your bottom-line question again: Yes. Suicidal thoughts can and do go away. Pinky swear.

gilink · 4 days

I believe there's a sequel to O&C, as well. Handmaid's Tale also blew my mind. The best/worst thing about dystopian fiction is how you can easily see it actually happening based on the current state of the world.

castellammare · 4 days

Thanks for the answer! For the record, I remember apologizing profusely to the EMS and telling them I could tooootally walk home. I'm glad they didn't listen to me. And I definitely didn't crap or pee myself. Thanks for what you do!

gilink · 4 days

Lolita
Super Sad True Love Story (not what it sounds like; it's a dystopian fiction)
Middlesex
Oryx and Crake
anything by David Sedaris if I need a laugh
The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, if you want to try a great non-fiction

whiteguy90 · 4 days

Try this (not being sarcastic at all, I really think something like this can give you perspective): http://www.amazon.com/Silent-Racism-Well-Meaning-People-Perpetuate/dp/1594512132/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

whiteguy90 · 4 days

Only if it's MUTUALLY understood. If she thinks he likes him for her, but he's really into her because she's black, that's a problem. Similarly, if someone was really only into me because of my big boobs but didn't like or respect me as a person, I would figure that out pretty quickly and that relationship would sour. But, say I were going for a one-night stand or a fuck-buddy situation; as long as my partner and I had communicated that was the situation, I would understand if I was "chosen" for a particular physical aspect (and that I had "chosen" him for something as well).

whiteguy90 · 4 days

Noted and appreciated!

techboy99 · 4 days

You literally say nothing. I know parents always tell you to ignore bullies, but literally the best thing to do is to completely and utterly fail to respond in anyway. It's the same way you train a dog to stop jumping on you...dogs jump because they want attention. If you yell at them, push them off, or pet them it's all attention to the dog, and the dog will continue the behavior. Positive or negative, doesn't matter. So you put your hands behind you back, avoid eye contact with the dog, and turn your back to it/walk away.

Your bully is the same. Just. Say. Nothing. Don't say "I can't hear you" or make a face or ANYTHING. Just poker-face and go about your business as if he's not even there. Like a dog, he will likely increase the taunts/escalate his actions in an attempt to get your attention. This is what happens right before you extinguish a behavior in someone. The dog will jump higher, snap, whatever. When it gets worse, you'll know it's working. One day it will stop.

Now, here's the key: positive reinforcement. When the dog stops jumping and has all four feet on the floor, you finally reward it for the behavior you want. You pet it. You give it your attention. When your bully finally passes you by without saying something, you reward him for it. "Hey Derp, how's it going today?" "Hey derp, want my last stick of gum?" Hey Derp, what are you gonna write your paper on? I'm totally lost on this."

Consistency is key. If you every pay any attention to him or react in any way to the bullying, you're setting the process back. Good luck!

whiteguy90 · 4 days

You should a) Treat her like a person you like and b) Not pursue her if it's based on some "exotic" fetish you have, rather than her as a person. There's no magic words or actions that suddenly make a black person fall in love with you. And no, there's no way to tell whether girls "like that" like white guys, because black women are not all some monolith with identical preferences. Sheesh.

TheRaggedyDr · 4 days

NOT a medical profesh, but I had the same problem so I at least know the preliminary questions: First of all, don't panic. It's probably just internal hemorrhoids. If the blood is bright red, it means it came from lower in the intestinal tract/near anal opening (it's fresh) and is probably from hemorrhoids. If it's dark or "tar-like" (you can google image for an example of what I mean), you're looking at a bigger problem. Either way, don't hesitate to hit the doc's office. They'll make you spread your cheeks so they can check for hemorrhoids; it's a little embarrassing but worth the peace of mind.

Brony2you · 4 days

Road Rash! Loved that shit.

kdrf11 · 4 days

You are the grown-up now. You make these decisions. Your choices are thus:

Your parents are letting you stay, rent-free, in their home while you attend a very, VERY expensive school. You do not say whether they are also paying or if you will pay back your own loans. Either way, you're making out.

You refuse their offer, get a part-time job (or two, as I did), and get an apartment near campus with roommates. Fuck dorms; fuck them hard. They're usually way more expensive then the cost of living in the area, you have a shit room, and you share it with a shit roommate. Get your own place and start learning how to be an adult. It will be the best thing you ever did for yourself. Do you know how many entitled assholes I graduated with who never learned how to pay bills or write a freaking check? Start learning to take care of yourself now.

I_Am_Always_Correct · 4 days

People have tried. One couple raised the chimp simultaneously with their own baby. Chimps can engage in sign language, but they lack understanding of some aspects. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gua_%28chimpanzee%29 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Washoe_%28chimpanzee%29

The_Bottom_Rat · 4 days

I occasionally get a single word or short phrase stuck in my head on loop. This is probably something that people with OCD get too, but I'm sure that this can happen even without OCD.

SOADA · 4 days

CUNY is exceptional in its pricing. I went to a public undergrad in PA and it was around 8-10 grand a year at the time, and rising.

Oddly_Happy · 4 days

I used to be suicidal, and like you, I can't remember ever not feeling that way. I have a vivid memory of being about 7 and thinking that I would never want kids of my own because nothing felt worse than being alive, and I was so mad at my parents for forcing me into life.

I found talk therapy fairly useless. I found effexor to be the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Once I adjusted to it I was able to get a much more rational an optimistic perspective on my life. I remember the first time I was walking down the street, and suddenly thought, "hey, I don't want to die today. It's a nice day and I have a lot of good things going for me. Huh. How about that."

You don't describe your past in detail, but I can assure you: Whatever abuse you have experienced does NOT have to define your entire life. It is something that you have weathered, and you have survived it. It does not doom you to a life of instability and chaos. You have the ability to not move on from it, but move THROUGH it. You will always remember and hurt from it, but you can make peace with it as being a part of your past but not your future.

Please think very hard about the people who love you. I know right now you think they would be better off without you. Trust me; they won't. I grew up with a few kids whose lives were utterly shattered by their parent's suicide. They would have been far, far better if they had their sweet momma by their side. To tell them how worthwhile and valuable they are; how loved they are.

They can help here, too: http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/

This might not mean much from an internet stranger, but I believe that your life has value and meaning. I believe you mean a great deal to the people around you, and I believe these are thoughts you can push through. Please don't give up.

gingerkoolaid · 4 days

Honey...no. This is unacceptable. Not even once. Please leave him. You can't change him. I repeat: you can NOT change him. You deserve better, and there IS better out there. Go find it.

castellammare · 4 days

A few weeks ago I got a little too drunk and wound up slumped on the sidewalk, half-conscious. EMS responded to a kind person's call; I don't remember much other than seeing 3 sets of boots at my feet and thinking "Oh, I fuuuuucked up." Anyway, they were very kind to a stupid drunk girl and I feel very bad for having been irresponsible and wasting their time. My question to you:

I haven't had a bill in the mail yet. How do they know who I am and who to send it to? I had an ID in my purse, but the address is several addresses outdated.

Do you absolutely hate drunks like me? I'm actually quite ashamed that I put so many people out. I'm usually very good at taking care of myself, I guess I was just out of hand that night. I'm pretty sure I was cooperative. If the answer is that you do hate us, please accept my humblest apologies on behalf of drunk morons everywhere.

TuneRaider · 5 days

THANK YOU. I teach undergrads at a large public university and many of them cannot correctly tell me what a theory or hypothesis is, much less possess an understanding of the scientific process (ex: I always ask on the first day of class what a theory is. The most common answer is a variant of "something that isn't true."). Saved for my lectures!

xX5x · 5 days

To an extent, yes. But I believe you could still perceive things as distinct without language. Language doesn't entirely control perception; the systems work reciprocally on each other.

xX5x · 5 days

Developmental psychologist here. It's the general consensus that language and thought are very, very closely related. Language can mean any type of coherent communications, including sign language or other non-verbal means of communication. For example, there is evidence that in places where the language does not have different words for green and blue, the people there have much more trouble distinguishing between those colors than those who have words for it.

It's theorized that one of the reasons we don't remember being babies/toddlers is because we have not developed language at that point, and that language is tied to memory formation. Obviously babies and infants can "think" in the sense that they can perform actions and so on, but no, they cannot play a "narrative" in their heads.

C_Linnaeus · 5 days

Zuke's minis are pretty good...small, bite-sized, soft, and pre-cut into little pieces. Our dog needs a lot of training too, and a big bag can last for 2-3 weeks, depending on how much we're working. I also second the suggestion for natural logs cut into small pieces, pieces of cheese, hot dog chunks, etc. The nice thing about hot dogs is they're pre-cooked, so you don't even have to microwave if you don't want.

Copterwaffle

TROPHY CASE

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