IamA woman with genital HSV-1. With so many incorrect theories out there about herpes, I'd like to give you some real answers. AMA.

Xyzzzy · 3 months

I don't really have much of anything to ask, but I learned a lot from your post. Thanks.

firstbornunicorn · 3 months

One of my best friends was just diagnosed with HSV-1 this past week, and I sat through a very tearful appointment with her at the sexual health clinic. I'm so glad I found this post, and I will definitely be sending it to her.

stoicme · 3 months

I want to help by pointing out just how prevalent herpes is.

HSV-1 (the strain the OP has) has been found in as much as 57.7% of the population and HSV-2 in 16.2-17.0%.

http://jama.ama-assn.org/content/296/8/964.full

http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes.htm

assuming some overlap between the two strains of herpes (unlikely, but it happens) it's still safe to assume that at least 2/3 of the country has some form of herpes.

but why is it so prevalent?

there could be a couple reasons for this. one is that for most, herpes is a relatively unnoticed disease. many people may never have an outbreak, or it was a very minor outbreak, or they contracted it so young that they don't remember ever having one.

another reason is that many STD tests don't actually include HSV 1 or 2. they're considered so minor and so prevalent that it's not considered worth screening.

all in all, people need to stop freaking out about herpes. yeah, it's in your best interest to avoid getting it if you don't have it. but there is no reason at all to freak out over someone having it.

leprechaun3000 · 3 months

Thank you for doing this. I had a lesbian encounter with a girl and she told me that she had genital herpes. I said that was fine as long as there was one hand for me and one hand for her. We fooled around a couple times but one of the times she told me later that she screwed up and used a hand that she used on herself on me. I was really upset. I knew that she was on suppressants.

No one explained to me that there was a difference in presentation for HSV1 vs HSV2 for the genitals. She has HSV1. I think if someone had told me before that the shedding is only 5% of the time and it is weakened and then she's on suppressants, I think I would have probably had less of a freak out. All the stuff that I was reading was far scarier. She never told me about the shedding rate or the fact that it is weakened, so I don't think she even knows this stuff. We need way more education out there.

Thanks.

sataimir · 3 months

Thanks for doing this. I picked up HSV-1 orally when I was about 12 or 13. Now mid 20's, have only had one coldsore in the last 5 years, and my SO sometimes gets a bit weird about it. He reddits so I'm sure he'll see this and I think the info you're sharing will help clear the stigma better than I've been able to :)

[deleted] · 3 months

Outstanding.

I've had oral HSV1 since I was 14. My aunt, drunk, kissed me on the lips while she had a cold sore while saying goodbye - not making out, a motherly smooch on the lips.

Blam, I started getting cold sores.

Herpes is a discomfort at worst, absolutely nothing at best. I had about 2-3 cold sores annually for the first few years, 1 every other year or so for the next 5 years, and thanks to Abreva, I haven't had a full-blown cold sore in years and years. (If I feel one coming on, I slather that shit on, and within a few hours, the tingle goes away.)

I was with many girlfriends in my teens and twenties. My first wife and I were together for 6 years. My current wife and I have been together for almost a decade. There have been others as well.

To my knowledge, I have never, ever passed it to anyone. Mostly because oral herpes hurt when the sores present, and if I even felt a tingle on my lips or gums, nope, not gonna go down on or kiss anyone.

There's still a huge stigma about Herpes, even though the majority of the population has one form or another.

heroine_of_time · 3 months

As a fellow woman with genital HSV-1 I thank you for doing this. Information is power!

lacylola · 3 months

I think we need to stop freaking out about STI's. We don't judge people who get the flu or a cold from a friend or co worker, so why do we judge people who catch herpes from a lover? Let's break the stereotype. Your post helps do this.

Yes, we need to be healthy and safe so that we aren't hurting our bodies, but can we stop stigmatizing?

KJBBVB · 3 months

people with HSV-1 generally don't have many, if any, outbreaks after the original. (I have only had the one)

I can back this up with my own personal anecdote, I'm 25 and have had, what I'm pretty sure is HSV-1 on my genitals since I was 2 (I don't really know how long I've had it, since I've had it since before I can remember). As a child I'd get breakouts usually never more than once a year and the frequency has been steadily decreasing ever since.

I think in the last 10 years I've had 2 or 3 breakouts. The reason I'm not sure about the count is because the last breakout that was actually painful was when I was 15. All subsequent breakouts have only presented with the visible blisters but no pain at all.

Of course I've never had sex (and I mean that in the broadest way possible, I've not been with anyone ever), so I can't speak to that facet of experience.

faitswulff · 3 months

I have been thinking about asking a question here on /r/sex, since I think I may have contracted herpes from a partner.

Maybe it's different for a guy, but I have just begun getting comfortable with the idea of actually having sex on a less-than-married basis, and then this happens. It's been depressing.

So this hasn't affected your sex life much?

dancn_jesus · 3 months

My only question is, is it honestly the truth that it isn't passed as much after the first breakout?

In the last year, I had my first outbreak and have had MULTIPLE since then. Most of them corresponding around my period. Finally under control (which I'm thanking exercise and vitamins for), but yeah.... the first outbreak was a BITCH.

exisito · 3 months

You are so awesome. Seriously. I wish I was as cool as you. Thank you for this post.

weezierocks · 3 months

thank you! i was in a similar situation 20yrs ago and the information you shared is the most accurate i've seen. the stigma is ridiculous and unfortunate. i grew up with a mom who was a home health nurse for patients dying of AIDS. all i can say to the young people of today is enjoy your sexuality, but use common sense and protection and remember you are not invincible...and that's ok! but you should be aware of your health and the health of others.

thebitchrake · 3 months

Cold sores are such a normal fact of my life that I was confused about there being an AMA for them. I get one once or twice a year, on the right side of my lower lip, in place of getting a cold or anything else.
I caught it from one of my parents, but probably my mom because she seems to get them much more frequently. I didn't find out until two years ago that there was this huge stigma about it, when my ex freaked out about it.

twizzlewizzle · 3 months

What do you mean by the 5%? Does that mean 5 out of 100 times you have sex without having an outbreak the virus is transferred?

positivelyherpin · 3 months

Oh my goodness, thank you for posting this. I'm glad it got on the front page.

I was diagnosed at my local Planned Parenthood last March and it was pretty rough but I've gotten through it and try to help out others who have been diagnosed as well.

It's not the big bad monster that the social stigma implies and it's not something to let ruin your life.

Be informed and inform your partners. Thank you again for posting this.

jeauxoxo · 3 months

[deleted]

blowjobbetty0212 · 3 months

before you noticed the sores were there any other signs leading up to before you found them? Sorry if the question is worded akwardly, i couldnt think of any other way to put it.

justkilc · 3 months

Yes! I have reason to finally use this...

edit: I did learn a lot from your post... thank you!

chonnes · 3 months

Do you ever react (and how do you react) when off-color jokes are made about STD's?
While there's no reason for your friends to know about your situation, do any of them know?
If so, have any of them ever intentionally or un-intentionally joked about STD's around you? Do they influence any other friends about STDs because they know about your situation?

mufasubhai · 3 months

I see a lot of talk about HSV-1 on here and honestly I was pretty ignorant of the distinction between the two viruses. I guess I always thought of oral cold sores as just cold sores and didn't realize that they could affect genitals. At any rate, HSV-1 is something that doesn't really worry me at this point (especially considering the fact that I guess I probably have it but at the same time haven't had a cold sore in 5+ years).

However, I would be interested in hearing what people's experiences are with HSV-2 and what it is like living with that particular strain (be it oral or genital). What I guess I am trying to say is there's been a lot of new information presented to me and I'm not really sure how to categorize 2 as far as symptoms, diagnosis and risk go. Any information would be greatly appreciated!

*Edit: apostrophe.

thingsgotREAL · 3 months

With so much poorly cited information floating around I, random internet lady with herpes, will put an end to this tomfoolery once and for all!

LordPocadiyos · 3 months

Once you catch it, do you have it forever?

Also, do condoms really protect from it?

Thanks!

zuizide · 3 months

This comes off like you think it's ok to have unprotected sex while being infected. I have to ask, did all of the people you had sex with (protected or not) know that you have herpes?

This really seems like you think it's no big deal, and while that's great for you, it seems like you aren't of the opinion that it's a "big deal" to contract and spread herpes. I pray I'm wrong and that it's just how I read and took what you were saying...

Cactus_Throwaway02 · 3 months

How about if both partners have genital herpes. Could they go down on each other safely without getting the virus on their mouths?

Nowihaveagun2 · 3 months

Is the initial outbreak less severe when the virus lands in the "wrong place"? I did a little research on it that said the first outbreak is usually the worst, is is as bad when you get Simplex 1 on your genitals as opposed to type 2?

zoommsp · 3 months

I dated a girl with this - when she broke the news to me it was shocking. What shocked me most was that she was completely clueless on what she had - and she had had it for 7 years already!

Thank you for this post. It helps educate those who are completely lost about the issue. I know spending nights reading stuff on the internet was an eye opening and sometimes very exagerrated with the "info" they were given.

infininme · 3 months

Is HSV-2 the same low risk factor?

thatherps · 3 months

I have made a recent HSV-1 acquisition myself. I think a good point to make is the fact that if your partner already has oral HSV-1 infection, the slim possibility of you infecting him/her becomes virtually nonexistent because they already have antibodies to the virus in their system. That means that this already rather fragile virus (enveloped viruses do not do well outside of protective environment of your body) makes it inside, your immune system will recognize it/the cells it may have attempted to infect and kill it off. So no lesions on their genital area.

Same goes for HSV-2's ability to transmit to oral location.

Also, while some people with HSV-1 will present with lesions within 10-12 days of infection, some may not have an outbreak for a long time, years. I say this because once the initial outbreak happens (although it might not ever) it may look highly suspicious to the partner. I don't remember if there is a way to test how old the infection is but if you are the partner being presented with such a situation, give them the benefit of the doubt.

makatack · 3 months

Thanks for posting this! I have HSV1 as well. I was freaked out when I found out, but education is everything.

Thenewfoundlanders · 3 months

You said you've been with "plenty of people since then." what kind of numbers are we talking here? I expect downvotes for asking this.

peachfuzz89 · 3 months

Wow, reading the comments has made me cringe. Since when did herpes become so overblown?

wynyx · 3 months

he has been tested

Skin test or blood test? I, too have been exposed to contagious HSV and seemingly didn't get it. I haven't had a blood test but I don't intend to get one--it couldn't tell me whether I'm capable of transmitting the virus, and that's the only thing that matters.

misterpotatoes · 3 months

I have had cold sores since always. I get them about once, maybe twice a year. My girlfriend is kind of freaked out about it, and doesn't want me to perform oral sex on her.

We're only at risk when we kiss or have oral sex while I have an outbreak, right? At other times, we're ok to kiss or have oral sex, right?

MESM · 3 months

how long have you had it?

thisisnotme42 · 3 months

I was diagnosed with HSV but they didn't tell me if I have 1 or 2. I have warts down there (male). When I first got it, it also led to me having Bells Palsy. The BP and warts are the only symptoms i've ever had. Will these warts ever go away? How can I know which version I have?

floppleshmirken · 3 months

I had absolutely no idea that oral herpes was such a big deal. My ex-husband would get a cold sore on his mouth usually once every winter and we just avoid kissing until it went away. We were together for 6 years and I never contracted it.

Zorbotron · 3 months

I've learned a lot from your post but one thing strikes me as odd. If it's so hard to pass on genital herpes then why is it so incredibly prevalent?

an0th3rthr0waway · 3 months

Neither me nor my partner had Herpes before we met, or during. However, recently, my partner was diagnosed with Herpes on her chest and her back. How is that similar/dis-similar to genital Herpes and need I be worried? I won't deny that I'm nervous. She's on medication presently and will probably be OK in a couple of days time.

imthethimble · 3 months

People just hear herpes and freak out. I'm glad more and more people are coming to write about this and speak up about how it's really not as crazy unfortunate as one might think with the stigma. Particularly the "only have one outbreak" and "hard to pass on" parts.

charliehustlee · 3 months

Your description seems like its really hard to get while having unprotected sex. Did you just get really unlucky? When you got it at 18, was the sex unprotected ?

dude909 · 3 months

So much great information!!thank you!! I know this post may sound stupid but Im sort of confused. I know that some people have herpes simplex (on the lips) and never have an outbreak or have an outbreak once. And some never have an outbreak but have simplex and that means its at a dormant state. can you get herpes outbreaks if you kiss someone who doesn't have a visible sore on their lips bit know they have it? also can one get genital herpes if one just has simplex but no current sore on their lips if they eat you out or something? how do u prevent from getting herpes if your partner has simplex, how does he know when to not eat you out and when its ok to? thanks!!!!

delynnium · 3 months

How did you feel towards the guy you got it from? Did he ever know he was passing on HSV1?

serena22 · 3 months

Thank you for posting this. I think that people not only don't know much about this disease, but also act like total dicks about it. A lot of people I know (including myself) have caught things, weather it be down to stupidity, not really giving two shits or just plain bad luck, I'd say this is the most unlucky (bar the ones that can affect fertility and/or threaten your life) one to catch. I feel for you because you cant just get rid it and get on with your life, the fact that you tell your sexual partners and want to help others by posting things like this, shows how mature and responsible you are. I hope that you have won/will win the battle with your depression, thanks again.

beehave · 3 months

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curvebot · 3 months

Thank you for this. There is a ton of misinformation and fearmongering out there. What you've presented is a really helpful combination of research and personal experience.

sunlighthurtsmyeyes7 · 1 month

thank you so much for posting this! I just recently found out I had this myself. However, I got it from genital to genital contact, so it is better to use a condom in any case.

BruceCambridge · 3 months

So is what you're saying is that Herpes isn't really a big deal? Honestly, I thought everyone knew this. TIL, I guess.

Here's my story from a decade ago: Met a girl on AOL (we didn't have fancy shit like OKcupid when I was a kid). Did the online thing for awhile. Eventually went on a date (to Disney, no less). Had a good time. Ended up spending the night. Shit happened. The next day she felt the need to "disclose" to me that she carried the Herpes virus.

I guess it was responsible of her and I didn't think any less of her for having that discussion with me. But, honestly, it was a complete non-factor to me and I didn't feel like it was necessary. I guess its something that you want to let your partner know at some point, so maybe its just easier to do it early than to make it seem like you hid something if the relationship develops.

So I guess I don't have a question. Just felt like share my story.

cakesale · 3 months

OMG MY PUSSY IS BURNING! IT'S BURNING! Can you help me?

edit: added link

catssuckmyballs · 3 months

haha sucks

vlavlavla · 3 months

Great AMA! Just wanted to add to your post with some more info. I used to have chronic (now occasional) HSV-1 oral outbreaks, happening ever since I was a kid. For those hose wondering about risks of spreading, my dr told me to refrain from giving blow jobs when the sores are in a blister state as the liquid w/in the blister contains the virus. For people who suffer from chronic outbreaks, I STRONGLY encourage you to go the homeopathic route if you have not tried it yet. I used to get cold sores every 1 or 2 months, and now with use of L-Lysine, red marine algae and oregano oil only break out a few times a year. Feel free to ask about other homeopathic routes and regimes.

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