My wife and I are recently married, within a year and the past 5 months or so have been increasingly difficult on our sex life. Not only has the frequency and length of sex decreased but the desire on her part has also diminished.
I'm partly to blame. I was blessed/cursed with a large penis. Not a HUGE penis mind you, but I certainly don't have anything to be ashamed over. Through the years I've had a lot of girls who found it a blessing and for a while my wife was one of them, now she calls it "Conan the Destroyer" and avoids it at all costs. Over the past 5 months I have "twisted her fallopian tube" which required a trip to the ER, somehow damaged her vaginal wall which caused her to bleed profusely for 2 weeks, and I have also "bottomed out" which caused her to nearly throw up from the intense pain. These are just the things she has told me about, I'm sure there are more. I can assure you, none of these injuries have occurred due to extreme sex.
When we were dating she loved sex and actually wanted to have more of it than what I felt like. However, from the day we were married something apparently changed. Over the 12 days of our honeymoon we only had sex 5 times. 3 of those times I had to basically beg her in to. A further problem of this is that our sex life is quite boring and she doesn't want it any differently. She is a self described "feminist" who feels that sex demeans women in a way. She always make sure that she can see my face during sex and if she can't, I can't be in that position. While I love that she's a strong woman, this sort of thing does get in the way of "relations" and has occasionally stopped any sexual activity if I say the wrong thing, such as "I want to fuck you so bad". Apparently that's a no-no. Last Christmas when we were dating I purchased her a vibrator, her first. I spent the next week apologizing for "such an insulting present" but she has used it more since then. Any additional toys or ideas of things to do on my part are shot down with extreme prejudice.
All this I could handle because I was still masturbating. I've jerked off since I was 13 and if there's one thing I knew how to solve it was getting rid of my horniness. However, I have my own share of problems. One of which is that I cannot jerk off from memory. When I was younger I was Sanduskied by an older kid in the neighborhood. While I hate to admit it, one of the results is whenever I jerk off is that bad memory showing up. The way I always got around this was porn. Eyes open, jerk off, and it was fine. This is no longer allowed.
Despite my best efforts to be discreet and despite the fact that she knew I jerked off I ended up on the losing end of an argument regarding my habits. She discovered this by scouring my browser history. We spent 3 or 4 days fighting before it was resolved. In the resolution I promised to not look/jerk off to porn anymore.
Flash forward to this week. We haven't had sex in two weeks (which was just a quicky before going to meet her parents for dinner) and before that it was a month. I ask, I basically beg, to either have sex or to jerk off. She said it was fine if I jerked off, but I just can't look at anything (which will not work). She wanted to wait to see her lady-doctor again before having sex again. Her appointment isn't for another week or two.
Reddit, what do I do? I love my wife dearly but I feel like this is a one way street. She can do what she needs to do, I can't. Beyond that, how can I actually get her warmed up to the idea of trying something.