My exgirlfriend asked to date my housemate and I want to ask her not to. Any advice on how to how to reapproach it?

loobie · 1 year

She wasn't really asking your permission to date him, its a courtesy warning. If you say no, she is likely going to date him anyway (provided he's interested). You're just going to have to man up and accept that she's moved on. If you tell her no, expect resentment on both sides and the end of your friendship.

Turbojelly · 1 year

Let her. She's been decent enough to wait for some time (twice the length of your relationship) and then contact you about it before making her moves. You may not like it but you have to admit that she has gone about it the right way.

HugeFuckingRetard · 1 year

Ignore the people with their "relationship rulebooks" who say shit like "you don't have the right blahblah". It's irrelevant. What is important here is to make the best of the situation for yourself here.

Unfortunately for you, the only reason she asked is because she wanted to make it less awkward by getting "permission", not because she will actually honour your wishes in this matter (if she's a super nice and naive girl, she may even think she will - but ultimately she won't). She is giving you a chance to make it easier on all three of you.

Let her, you're in a no-win situation and this is the least-bad option. Not because the "rules" say you have to, but because telling her not to do it will eventually result in an even worse situation for you.

I_M_Stranger · 1 year

I guess most people are right here that she's gonna do what she wants but if you let her know that you do still have feelings and they'll probable handle most of their shenanigans at her place. I think its fair to ask if they try and be cool with the pda around you too for a bit.

serume · 1 year

You don't have any right to control her behavior, or the behavior of your housemate. But I would ask him about it, is he interested in her at all? If not, you have no problem.

poesie · 1 year

I would agree that there's not much you could do to stop her, but there are some concerns you could get out on the table. You could tell her that you appreciate her asking, and you wouldn't dream of stopping her from doing it - nonetheless, it's going to be very hard for you and in order for everyone's happiness they might, at least for the first months, keep the pda down, stay the night at her house if that's in the cards, tell you when they want the place to themselves on occasion. I don't know. I would think about specifics that might make it easier for you.

dzdncnfsd · 1 year

That's very respectful of her. I think you should respect her, let her go, and tell her you'll be OK with her dating whoever she wants. But... since it's your housemate, also ask her to respect your feelings and not shove this new relationship in your face. Then follow the usual advice.

MeanMotherHubbard · 1 year

Sure, she can date him...she is aware of the herpes right? No? oh. Oops. Well, just do it away from me an we should be alright.

BTW, now is the time to ask to date her sister and her mom. Preferrably together.

[deleted] · 1 year

Get over it. You didn't date long enough to ask her not to date your roommate

vinniedamac · 1 year

I can understand where you're coming from, but it would be really selfish to say that she can't date your housemate. I once asked my friend if I could pursue an ex of his and he told me no and I lost a lot of respect for him, but I did respect his wishes.

mandano · 1 year

Sorry honey, you actually have no say in the matter. She didn't have to ask you, and honestly, she shouldn't have. She should have told you gently that she is going to be dating your roommate, and that she hopes you two can be as civil as possible to eachother.

If you can't deal with it, move out! Sometimes life sucks and is not fair. Oh well. You are the master of your own fate, but not the master of who she dates

fedja · 1 year

I still have feelings for her

If you truly do, you'll want her to be happy, right? To ask her not to would mean you have stronger feelings for yourself.

Not to mention, she can go ahead and do it anyway.

einexile · 1 year

I don't agree with those saying she will do whatever she wants. She might well be sincere, and yes you do have the right to deny her request. She didn't have to make it.

That might mean preventing the two of them ever getting together. What if they'd make a great couple? Do you really want to douse that?

She's being a good friend to you by asking, and it would be boneheaded for you to risk poisoning that just to spare yourself some inner turmoil you haven't even seen in action yet. We are not that frail and it won't hurt for long. You parted on good terms. You have the mythological Good Ex. Fucking that up could hurt more than a breakup.

idratherusethephone · 1 year

Move out.

bobored · 1 year

yah - i would say let her - it sounds like she's a cool person and that she is respectful of your feelings. i would imagine she would be low key about it. these situations happen. who knows - she might end up introducing you to someone new. life has a lot of surprises...

metalola · 1 year

I think you should admit to her that you still have feelings for her. In which case, you cant 'approve' of her dating your roomie but you also can be friendly about it. This way she'll be the most sensitive if she understands your real feelings if/when she does date your roomie, or if she still has feelings for you too then maybe you can revisit that.

Really, I know it sounds awkward but it's going to be awkward either way. At least if you're honest with your feelings you wont start to fester a deep hatred for them both when they obliviously make out in front of you.

NaqeebJamal · 1 year

Just be honest with her about your feelings. Don't forbid her or anything- just tell her how you feel. Then its up to her and the guy to make the decision.

Sibs · 1 year

My advice is tell her you are still madly in love with her and act all retarded around her on purpose. Hopefully this will make her uncomfortable enough around you that the idea of dating your housemate becomes much less interesting.

If she dates your housemate it will be really awkward and uncomfortable for you so I think you should go on the offensive and try to make HER the uncomfortable one.

No one should make you uncomfortable where you live.

benso87 · 1 year

I think it would make more sense to talk to your housemate about it. Don't try to forbid anyone from dating anyone else, though. That will pretty much never go well. What actually happens probably depends on how good of friends the two of you are, but it doesn't hurt to talk about it.

[deleted] · 1 year

That's a really shitty situation. Isn't there anyone else in the world she can date that doesn't live with you?

Either way, I guess she did wait a long time, and you had no bad blood between you. I'd say be the bigger person and let her, even though I think it's very insensitive of her to even bother.

rmosler · 1 year

If she's asking, there is no point in not telling her. Tell her that it would be uncomfortable and awkward.

AnnArchist · 1 year

dont ask her, ask him.

violent_rapist · 1 year

You need to show her that you're the boss. I can offer some tips if you need them.

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