What do I do here? -- Rejected by friend, acted accordingly, just received this email...

Moishaha · 2 years

I honestly couldn't date someone who would write so poorly. I don't have time to go into it, as there's just too much wrong with that...

Owy2001 · 2 years

Jesus Christ, reddit. You are all so damned bitter whenever it comes to unrequited love posts. "She's just manipulating you, she'll never love you, blah blah blah."

Let me tell you what I see. I see someone that abandoned their friend because the friend didn't feel romantically inclined towards him. I see a girl who is confused and sad that she lost someone important to her. Who has thought to herself, "Maybe we could make things work as a couple," since then, but has been put off by the fact that she was dropped so badly when she said no initially.

And is it fair for her to say this stuff to you? Maybe not. But does that mean she's purposefully manipulating you? It doesn't seem that way to me. She lost a friend. That's a sad thing. She obviously cares a lot about you, even if she didn't think it could be in a romantic way.

And now all she's asking for is closure. To talk the situation out, if nothing more. And everyone has to jump in and say how horrible she is because maybe she didn't go about it in entirely the right way. I think it's sad. Talk to the girl. You aren't so burdened by your romantic heart that you can't indulge a friend you've had for "~7 years" in talking things out.

justforthispurpose · 2 years

"It's not possible for me to be your friend or to support you while I have strong romantic feelings for you." That's all you say.

bluequail · 2 years

but you abandoning all the complications makes me question it all all over again, its like why would i want to be with someone that is going to run during every conflict and leave me hanging,

She is flipping it and trying to place the blame on you. It is a form of manipulation. She is also trying to draw you back into the friend zone. If she can stay your friend, then she can salve her own conscience for hurting you, because after all... you were allowed to remain and bask in her glory.

ps - enjoy your new girl!

pps - be prepared for a full on chase by the old girl, once she realizes someone else has already snapped you up.

Ms_Susan · 2 years

Stick with the new girl and see where it goes. You may not feel the same way about her now, but you had 7 years to build up your feelings for the last girl. The "Origi-girl" wants her cake and wants to eat it too. She sounds like she's willing to let you look at the cake, but you can not taste it. Put simply her cake is a lie.

RagingErectus · 2 years

I don't know what to do with this. Advice?

She misses the easy friend that wouldn't call her on her BS and always give her what she wanted because he was infatuated with her.

What you had wasn't a real friendship, it was you harboring feelings for a girl and being nice to her. She misses that, not you.

There's almost no way for you to respond to this, and sending something like that in an email is quite classless. This is the type of thing that should be reserved for discussion.

I agree with Eddie, you don't owe her any closure. I would ignore the email completely.

She's baiting you hard with claiming you're running. I suspect she's good at this. Don't take the bait. You know you didn't run from anything, and so does she.

Cut off the gtalk contact, just block her. She won't see you online and will eventually figure out whatever temporary crisis has her reaching out to her former validator.

If she really needs to talk, she can call you. But even then I would keep things short and sweet, but polite and respectful. You don't owe her more than you've already given her, but you clearly don't resent her which is good.

If she wants a relationship with you now, then you both have to cool down for a few months. My experience is that relationships rekindled from the ashes of something like this usually start with some random chance, a few mutual drunken texts, and some condoms... 6 months after no contact.

_Woodrow_ · 2 years

she misses the emotional support you gave her but still isn't attracted to you.

She is trying to manipulate you by dangling a carrot in front of you that she will probably never give to you.

You were on the right track before- just move on.

pervycreeper · 2 years

but i need someone that can help me with the baggage sometimes, not someone that adds to the weight

Read this carefully a few times. This is the fundamental part of what she is saying. You were right to defriend her. Don't go back unless you enjoy being used.

underdog138 · 2 years

You're not responsible for her happiness nor are you running away. She's trying to manipulate you. You never really get over someone when you're constantly spending time with them and interacting with them, and the best way to do it is to cut off contact with them and be done with them. You want a romantic relationship, she wants you to support her emotionally while she gives you none. Note how in the e-mail there is nothing that actually pertains to you besides her basically calling you a coward- she just talks about her, and how she feels about it, and how it's not fair to her that you're running away from everything. She doesn't give a shit about you my friend, and it's best that you forget about her existence.

inkypinkyblinkyclyde · 2 years

Talk to her. She feels abandoned by her friend. You feel rejected by yours. You both have shit to work out.

AnnArchist · 2 years

I think you should've been focusing on getting drunk with her, just the 2 of you, instead of focusing on talking to her on Gtalk.

Then you wouldn't be on reddit asking advice.

Sommiel · 2 years

It's her problem, not yours.

You can write her back, and politely tell her that you have feelings for her, and seeing and thinking about her, hurts you. If she is a real friend, and does care for you... she needs to understand that.

SirOblivious · 2 years

You were in a "fake" relationship, you gave her everything and it felt like a relationship, but not a real relationship. You could have a real g/f that was in a real relationship, but thats hard when you are always with a female friend, almost dated (movies, dinner, hanging out) etc all the time.

I had a female friend do this, took all my time, I thought we were mostly dating, we even had some kissing etc But, she wanted to just be "friends" but sleep beside me, kiss on me, going out, etc Finally I realized I was fucking myself over by this toxic fake relationship and killed it off

Best decision ever

[deleted] · 2 years

She's sending you mixed messages. Nothing worse for doing your head in. Except false hope.

DblDkrPkr · 2 years

i jsut dont think you can handle me and all my problems,

Take her advice and stay away. She's a drama queen. That much is obvious.

neoness · 2 years

Its not fair for your new girl for you to be around the old girl until those feelings for her are completely gone. And if things are truly great with the new girl, they will be. OR yo just won't even worry about the old girl.

I know this is late. and I am sure you've already gotten this, (im kinda too lazy to read the responses), BUT it is totally fair for you to run from the old girl. its not your job to be there to handle her baggage if it is going to add to your own.

the emotional stuff is something that will sort itself out over time. Time is what makes you think you have a stronger emotional connection with the origigirl.

if she said you were too perfect and she'll never be ready for you not only is she a little crazy, but she is messing with your head. maybe not intentionally, ive seen many the female string guys along as safety nets.

but do yourself a solid one and don't do anything to mess things up with your new girl. Tell the old girl that you arent the type of guy that messes that kind of stuff up (which includes being her emotional crutch).

be strong friend, be strong. I've probably rehashed what you have heard, so its definitely true. good luck

SJ42 · 2 years

Re: your edited part.

Perhaps you only feel more emotionally for the original girl because you've had such a long friendship, and a part of you just doesn't want to let that go? Maybe you're reacting more to the history and the familiarity than to actual love.

Maybe not, but just think about it.

hotsexgary · 2 years

She's kept you around to validate herself, and you've killed that. Now she needs to get you to supplicate her one more time so she can shed you on her terms and appease her ego.

kouhoutek · 2 years

She is being manipulative, pure and simple. Words like "abandoning" and "run during every conflict" are just trying to bait you into coming back to your pseudo-relationship.

Bottom line, she wants her emotional needs met, and doesn't seem terribly concerned about yours. You put yourself on the line and are accepting the consequences...while what she wants is...this.

Pay particular attention to the last paragraph. I don't think it is a coincidence she decides to reach out when you are seeing someone new.

Try to dump your baggage and give the new girl a fair chance. How can you say the new girl is better, then in the same breath say you don't feel the same way emotionally? Sounds like you are already giving up before she every has a chance. Is that fair to her?

glorysk87 · 2 years

Manipulative manipulative girl. I can almost promise you, if you responded with anything indicating that you'd be there for her and you'd give it a go in trying to be close with her, she'd immediately change her mind in the opposite direction and say she has no feelings for you at all and all that shit. Keep on the way you're going man, don't turn back (imo).

InspectorDynamotron · 2 years

I don't know what to do with this. Advice?

Ignore her. Don't just defriend her, but block her on Facebook. Set up an email filter that auto-deletes everything she emails you. Block her on GTalk. Block her text messages and phone calls.

She isn't entitled to closure. Nobody is.

jakfdsl · 2 years

[deleted]

Rhode · 2 years

Talk to her. Do it in person if possible, don't do it over email. Let her know that you're not running away from a complication, and you wouldn't run away from a conflict if you two were in a committed relationship. Re-iterate to her that you aren't OK with being friends with her because your feelings for her are too strong. Explain that you would feel disingenuous if you tried to maintain the friendship, and that you would feel pain not only because you can't have her but also because you would feel like you're lying about your friendship. Basically, keep doing what you're doing cause you're already doing the right thing.

Don't beg, no good can come of that, but do ask her out again (assuming you're still in to her). If she says 'Yes', you've got your big chance; if she declines, you've lost nothing and now you get to officially move on with your life.

Finally, a word of caution... half of what she said in that email is bullshit, drama-queen, post-rationalization, mumbo-jumbo. The bit about 'running away during every conflict'... seriously? She rejected you, how is that running away? And it was one occurrence anyway, how does that justify a sweeping generalization about running away from 'everything'? And the 'not a day goes by' stuff, then why did it take her 6 months to write you an email? Then she follows that up with the 'you can't handle all my problems' stuff, which is just the 'it's not you it's me' line; i.e., 'I don't have any romantic feelings for you but want to spare your feelings.' Finally, the 'god damnit' at the end is her way of saying, 'Damn this situation! It is so very complicated and has been unfairly thrust upon us! It is to our misfortune that this has happened, and clearly outside of our control. I am certainly not to blame for the current state of things, but am merely a victim of circumstance since I clearly cannot change the outcome of this conundrum! If only there were a way for things to change without me altering my attitude or behavior!'

In my mind, what she's saying is that it's all your fault and if you just apologize and tell her it's over, you guys can go back to being friends again. I would not recommend being friends with her.

BitRex · 2 years

I think this can help her.

temp9876 · 2 years

Make it very very very simple for her.

Option 1: Be with me and I will treat you better than you can imagine and always be here for you.

Option 2: Don't be with me. But if you are not with me, don't expect me to be with you.

holycow001001 · 2 years

Well, it sounds like she's doing you a favor. Thank her and buy her a nice meal.

kneejerk · 2 years

Infatuations are flawed from the outset because you're putting the other person on a pedestal. Stay with the girl you're with and in 7 years, if you're still together you will have the same relationship with her as you did with the friend...only you will be doing it. Good luck.

Exedous · 2 years

i do love you

HOW CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE BUT REJECT THEM?!?!? WOMEN BOGGLE MY MIND. (I realize in this context, its love love, not frendship love). W

sneakatdatavibe · 2 years

Ignore her. She's not that into you.

It sounds probably like you're a good guy and she misses your friendship, and now she's trying to suck you back in.

Personally, seeing as you no longer have a friendship in jeopardy, I'd email her and tell her to come over and you can talk it out over a nice hot cup of blowjob.

Have her put her money where her mouth is (no pun intended). If she declines, she's just looking for a friendly shoulder to cry on.

[deleted] · 2 years

she seems way too emotional in that email.

also sounds kinda dumb for a 24/25 year old.

she clearly doesnt know what she wants, except shes SURE she wants to string you along.

[deleted] · 2 years

Well of course you don't have the same feeling for the new-girl, because you haven't invested several years into your relationship with her. But, where she gets most brownie points is that she's available to you to have a relationship with and not all crazy like the original girl.

Original-girl, on the other hand, sounds like one of those nutcases who has the potential to fuck you up and fuck up any new relationship you might be trying to make. I think you were right to cut her out of your life, you were not running away and she's a bitch for blaming you for you two not being together in the way that you were before after she rejected you.

So maintain distance with original girl and have fun with the new one.

SomGuy · 2 years

"Put out or get out"

metalola · 2 years

Reddit is telling you not the take the emotional risk of talking to her. Well, that's what you get for asking the internet relationship advice. We're all guilty of avoidant behavior.

"It is what it is" - Exactly. You're human and so is she. She misses your companionship. She's flexible, just like any other human being. You want a relationship. Are you inflexible? Have the talk with her. It'll set you back a month or so if it goes how everyone here thinks it will, but maybe that will be worth it anyhow to get more closure for her or another chance at being with someone you've loved from afar for a long time in a way that feels good.

[deleted] · 2 years

You guys were friends for seven years, this has got to suck for both of you. It seems that people here on Reddit are a tad cynical but I don't necessarily agree with them that this woman is trying to manipulate you. It seems to me like she might just be missing her old friend and want to talk about it. Before you take all of the cynicism in here too seriously, remember that Reddit tends to be a little unforgiving at times. You should consider the possibility that she is being a little selfish here but you know her best so your instincts on the matter are probably correct.

TreeSap · 2 years

How about you give her some closure and talk with her about it? I think if you do that then she will promise to respect your wishes and leave you alone.

But, hey, I don't know her.

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