C-section vs Vaginal.. Thoughts?

istara · 3 months

someone later commented to me that I missed out on the real birth experience

This is bullshit. I had a natural birth, but trust me, the experience is about getting to see your baby, and bond with it, and take it home. It is not about a few hours of pain/stretching out your ladybits.

And the work that you do after the baby arrives, in terms of caring for it, is a million million million times the work that you do in one day of labour. Even the work you did getting through the pregnancy is more than any labour (save perhaps for those few freak cases of women who go full term without realising they're pregnant).

Just tell that person to fuck off.

udbw834 · 3 months

My wife and I had a very simple birth plan: healthy mom, healthy baby. We wanted to be as intervention free as possible. But our doctor, who is completely awesome, told us that the best chance for a healthy baby was a c-section. This wasn't a matter of her being "too posh to push" or it being inconvenient for us or our doctors to wait. The current backlash against c-sections has some merit but there really and truly is such a thing as a medically necessary c-section. It's possible that if we had of insisted on not getting a c-section everything would have turned out alright. But that would have been a selfish and irresponsible thing to do in order to capture some bullshit romantic ideal of birth.

I also know for a fact that one of my best friends would be dead along with her son if not for the skill of the surgeons that performed an emergency c-section on her.

C-sectioins aren't exactly a 'light' birth either. It's major surgery. That incision is serious and the chances of post surgery complication is high. The recovery is at least as bad and in many cases worse than a vaginal birth. Anybody that claims it's the 'easy way' is quite simply a fucking idiot.

If anybody tries to claim you are somehow less of a mother I'd suggest you stand up tall, look them in the eye and tell them to fuck off. You made the right decision for your child at a time you were scared and confused. Healthy mom, healthy baby, successful birth.

Reddittorswife · 3 months

That sounds quite ridiculous! You have a baby that is the goal yes?

Sure there are reasons why a vaginal birth is good for baby and momma, but if you really needed a c section so what? healthy baby via c section beats no baby. and if you didn't really need it it is a bit late to be bothered by it.

enjoy the baby - go cuddle up kiss and try to forget the birth.

pimpofpixels · 3 months

Getting down about having had a C-Secton is like getting down about getting stuck in traffic.

It's something you hoped you could avoid, you wonder if maybe you could've if you'd taken different directions, but it doesn't matter. It happens to the best of folk, it's nobody's fault, it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and stressing about it just makes things worse.

rattyree · 3 months

Bub was breech and low on amniotic fluid so couldn't be turned. Out she came at 38.5 weeks via scheduled c-section.

I didn't feel ripped off at all, I didn't feel like my body had failed me or mourn about not going through labour, and my husband doesn't think any less of me (he'd better not after getting to watch the whole process!). All we cared about was what was best for baby.

Though I do remember being miffed at Mum for commenting on how gutted she was on my behalf that I missed out on the whole labour/birth experience...Because clearly I'm horrible for not being upset about it?

_Anthem_ · 3 months

My wife was in labor for 28 hours, but ended up needing an emergency c-section. Same deal with the second kid. She was a little disappointed, especially after having been in labor for so long, but neither of us really feels like we missed out on anything. In the grand scheme of things, you're talking about one day in the life of your child, and that's barely a fraction of what's to come.

Do you remember the first sentence of your favorite book, or is it the story that makes it special to you? Sure, some books have memorable opening lines, but in the case of kids, those are the "born in a cab while stuck in a blizzard" births, not the c-section vs. natural birth. Like you said, you got a healthy, happy baby; what more could you want?

oddgrue · 3 months

I had been planning for a natural childbirth and ended up having a c-section. I don't feel like I missed out on anything... like nothing was lacking. I do remember feeling like I really could have used the major experience of giving birth to make the transition into having a baby in my arms a little more... natural? I'm not sure how to say it but the c-section was just so quick! It was almost a shock. I feel like having gone through labor would have felt like the major event it is.

krb180 · 3 months

Like you said, just be happy that your baby came out safe and sound. My first was delivered vaginally. My epidural failed at eight centimeters and I found the experience to be quite frightening and painful. The baby was fine and really, that's all that mattered. My second was delivered by c-section because he was quite large. I've heard that a mom bonds less with a child that is delivered by c-section. I don't agree. My second and third children (I opted to not go with a VBAC the third time) are just as dear to me. I think what's really important is the outcome. However you do it, you did it and hopefully you are happy and proud of yourself. Delivery is a relatively small part of the monumental task that is raising a child.

yellin · 3 months

I actually just posted something like this in babybumps. I had a scheduled CS at 35 weeks for complicated medical reasons. When I found out that this is what would have to happen (at around 20 weeks) I definitely mourned for the birth and labor that I was not going to have. But eventually I came around to it and honestly was very happy with my CS (went in rested, had an easy recovery, breastfed for 17 months). I came to realize that how you give birth doesn't really matter in the long run (ask an adoptive parent!). I got a healthy baby, and I came out healthy, which are the two most important things.

knottymommy · 3 months

someone later commented to me that I missed out on the real birth experience

No one should ever make you feel bad or guilty ~~about a necessary intervention.~~ just because things didn't happen the way someone else would have wanted them to.

You're entitled to feel however you feel about your pregnancy and birth and beyond....but no one should tell you what they think you should be feeling.

There's also the fact that telling someone that they've "missed out" on an experience that was out of their control is just beyond rude. Would they walk up to a someone who had to have a hysterectomy before having children and say, "You really missed out not having children"?

chuckDontSurf · 3 months

Not to trivialize it, but in some ways it's like worrying about what stance you're in at the beginning of a marathon. After a few years of the day-to-day taking care (and bonding!) with the baby (eventually toddler, eventually little boy/girl), you kinda forget about that, at least my wife did. We "planned" (hehe) to have a natural birth in a birthing center, and ended up in the hospital having an emergency C-section. I was high-and-mighty, disdainful of C-sections before the birth. Afterwards, I was much humbled and thankful that we have access to modern medicine; otherwise who knows who would've happened. And now I look back at the whole birth experience as a distant memory.

Having said that, however, my wife went through a grieving process after our first child was born. She felt she'd let herself down, had let me down, and generally felt like a failure. She talked to others who'd been through a similar experience, and after a while those feelings resolved themselves. I never felt she let me down, and pretty soon we both realized that getting the baby out safe and sound was the most important thing.

snowellechan77 · 3 months

I didn't have a c-section for mine, but whom ever told you missed a real birth experience is an ass. After being totally exhausted during my labor and having a crappy nurse, I opted to have an epidural put in at what turned out to be 9 cm. Basically I got it, rested maybe half an hour, and pushed for maybe another half. The pushing was OK but still felt a little awkward, especially with all these people looking at me and counting to 10. I guess all I'm trying to say is that what you missed might not have been quite as mystical as you imagined it would be. Be happy. You have no reason at all to feel bad!

kdmcentire · 3 months

I've had both - a csection for a breech (1st) and a 62 hour back labor that ended in a vaginal birth with 2nd degree tears (2nd).

My conclusion? Both sucked for different reasons.

Ultimately I preferred the vaginal birth because I was up and moving without any pain meds within a week and a half. Breastfeeding was OMG MUCH easier the second time around. Due to jaundice we ended up staying in the hospital for the same length of time with both kiddos.

Emotionally, I did bond better/faster the second time around, but only because we were much more informed and adamant about letting the cord pulse, breastfeeding immediately, etc. Also I had pneumonia the first time around so I was seriously screwed up and coughing too hard to hold the baby for long.

You do the best you can with the options you have available to you at any given moment. There's no point beating yourself up for choice you made before you knew Information XYZ, just as you can't go kick your 5-year-old self for doing something stupid that landed you with a lifelong scar, say, on your ankle. You learn from the experience and move on.

In the end, whether it takes 2 hours or 2 months, you WILL bond with your kid.

Those first gummy smiles... they get you every time.

chaosbreather · 3 months

I've had about every kind of birth you can have. I had medicated hospital births, I've had c-sections, I've had VBACs, I've had natural home waterbirths. (Yes, I have a lot of children).

Each experience taught me something unique. As a midwife, I love helping women empower themselves through choosing a natural birth, but I also believe there's a time and place for every intervention.

When I had my first c-section, it followed my first homebirth. So, yes, I felt I was missing something and I knew exactly what that was. Going from giving birth standing on my own two feet and then getting tucked into my own bed with my new baby to being strapped down to a table and not even able to see the birth, and having nothing to do with it, was jarring and disconcerting.

Having a healthy mom and healthy baby is the most important thing, but it's not the only important thing.

If you, OP, are happy or content with your birth experience, don't let anyone take that from you. But if you want to seek out more, don't let anyone stop you from that either.

klee1960 · 3 months

I have had one of each and with my c-section it was emergency so I couldn't hold the baby right when he was born. That was the only thing I have felt I missed, but I was able to hold him a few hours later. I would never suggest someone have an elective c-section, but if it was necessary... the most important thing is the baby is alive and healthy.

summernot · 3 months

You might check out ICAN, the International Cesarean Awareness Network. They have local groups that meet to talk about having a c-section and the effects it has on you, physically, emotionally, etc.

http://ican-online.org/

My story: 57 hour labor ending in c-section: 48 hours natural, 9 hours with an epidural and pitocin, 2 hours pushing. Baby was acynclitic. We were getting an infection (chorio-amnionitis), so it was time to call it and get him out. 9 lbs, 22", 15" FOC (giant head). He ended up in the NICU. I was a basketcase. Breastfeeding was difficult. They supplemented at first (boo). In-laws arrived and were staying at my house before I even got home.

BUT... he's 18 months old now and the best kid ever! We're still breastfeeding. And now I'm pregnant with #2 (and sick as a dog, I might add). The plan is VBAC. Wish us luck!

tree_hugging_hippie · 3 months

I had to have a c-section for my son. I honestly didn't have any kind of choice in the matter. He was breech right up to the 38 week mark, had almost no amniotic fluid left, and I was in the beginning stages of preeclampsia. I was hugely disappointed with my body, but I knew it was the best thing for the peanut.

On that note, I do feel like I 'missed' something. I hated having him whisked away from me as soon as he was extracted. I hated that I barely got a good look at him after he was delivered. I hated waiting for the surgeon to put me back together so I could get to a room and see him. I hated that they took so long to bring him to me. I hated that I didn't get the immediate skin-to-skin contact I wanted after he was born.

It took me months to come to terms with it all, which sucks, because I know the c-section was the absolute best decision. No one ever told me I missed something, but I definitely felt like my own body cheated me out of something special.

uHeck · 3 months

Always side with nature. Why have an invasive and dangerous procedure done when you don't need it?

Plus, there are chemical reactions that happen during the birth process for both the mother and child, not to mention other important physical changes.

If you opt for a c-section, you're just cheating yourself. Go talk with a midwife to get the real story. Doctors don't belong in the birth process unless there are complications. Corporate medicine has torn the heart of a very special and intimate part of peoples lives.

EDIT: I welcome the downvotes, because 90% of America has been brainwashed regarding the birth process. Think for yourself, don't let Hollywood stereotypes of the birth process shape your opinion. If you don't believe me, go talk to a midwife. It will change your whole outlook.

keirani · 3 months

I thought alot about it on a personal level, and I guess to me I always really hoped I could deliver vaginally but if it came down to the safety of the little one I wouldn't mind a c-section. today we're lucky we have the emergency alternative, as childbirth use to be much more dangerous before medical advancement.

As for the whole Hollywood trend where women immediately sign up for a planned c-sections from the day they find out their pregnant I don't really agree with. Most celebs who opt for it is due to vanity, and has nothing to do regarding the wellbeing of the child... (usually going for a tummy tuck at the same time..)

There's something just magical about going through the process. Seeing how your pregnancy unfolds and making descisions based on the situations that arise.

Going through the unknown process sort of helps establish a deeper bond with the baby (in my opinion anyway). The majority of women I know who wanted to instantly opt for a c-sect didin't seem to have as deep as an emotional connection to their children as women who had either delivered vaginally, or wanted to and had to have an emergency c-section. I think that the expirience, and how it unfolded play a bit part in our connection with the baby's we carry.

Now that I think about it , signing up for a planned c-section hollywood celeb style reminds me of skipping the cinematics in video games... lol

Gabbiani · 3 months

I ended up being stuck at 9 cm for almost 5 hours, after 20+ hours of labor. My doctor decided that it was time for a c-section, and by that point - I wasn't in the mood to disagree. I was already a week overdue when I had my baby, and the pregnancy itself wasn't easy, so I was already feeling like my body wasn't working the way it should have been. Honestly, what I told myself is that 100 years ago, both me and my baby would likely have been dead, so who am I to complain about the fact that the birth wasn't going according to nature's plan. My husband was just concerned for our safety, and was glad that we both came out of it healthy. So was I really.

If someone had told me that I had missed out on the birth experience - I would have wanted to punch them in the face. The birth experience you had is your birth experience, and no one else can tell you any different. You were in labor for 14 hours and they had the balls to tell you didn't work for your baby? Not to mention the previous 40 weeks of work you put in.

The reality of it is that you have your child, and now you have the rest of your life to enjoy being a parent. If someone can only focus on the first 20ish hours of being a parent - they are looking in the past when they should be looking towards the future. Was a c-section optimal? Not really... but it doesn't diminish what you and your partner can have with your child together.

Enjoy!

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