Women of reddit, if a guy was interested in you, would you rather him be upfront about his sexual intention or do you find guys that keep you guessing more attractive?

PublicStranger · 4 months

It is not obvious when a guy is interested in me. I've gotten a little better at picking up on hints through years of experience (I'm 26), but I'm still inclined to assume a guy isn't interested if he doesn't express interest explicitly. Even flirting directly doesn't tell me much; plenty of people joke around with their friends by flirting.

I strongly prefer guys who are candid. But a guy who is expressing interest in me must not do it in a way that puts pressure on me; if he is expecting a "yes or no" now, then my answer will be "no". It takes time for me to turn it into a "yes"—but if I know he already likes me and is willing to wait (at least a little while) for me, it quickens the process.

I do not respond well to being told what to do. I have a meek personality, and I spent much of my childhood being ordered around. So now, when people tell me what to do, I bristle; I feel like I'm being treated like a kid, and I immediately want to rebel and eliminate that person from my life. (Note: This does not apply to sexual situations where I am already aroused.)

I do not claim to be representative of other women.

juliannechat · 4 months

I am guessing your real question is: when a guy wants to move from interest to EXPRESSING the interest, what is most attractive for the guy to do?

First, you want to know whether we're laughing to ourselves. That depends on (a) whether we are empathetic or not, and (b) whether we're interested back. We might be laughing to ourselves ONLY if we were NOT A and NOT B. Each situation is unique.

I personally like your first scenario: a person with better pool skills than I have offers to teach me. If I'm not interested I can turn down the lesson. If I'm interested I jump at the chance, and if I'm not sure but the lesson is good (if you're a good teacher as well as a good player) it might help me get interested. So it's a good way to get to know each other better and sense the energy.

I don't like being "told" to go home unless we've already flirted a hell of a lot and we're pretending to be in a romance novel, like Scarlett O'Hara being carried up to bed by Rhett Butler.

I hope you'll get better advice than mine; I'm exhausted by worrying about the guy whose girlfriend's pals "hound" him. Number five in the corner pocket!

Requiem89 · 4 months

I would say being told to go home with someone would be a complete turn off and possibly even cause for invective unless I knew you really well anyway.

Ordering someone you just met to go home with you in my mind isn't confident it either implies that you think the girl you're talking to is willing to sleep with someone they just met (which can be offensive to some women) or like you think that no woman could ever refuse you.

I usually find it fairly obvious when someone is into me however I wouldn't say that I would ever laugh at someone over it unless they were making a real fool of themselves showing off.

Ramble aside, what I'm getting at is that it kind of depends if you know the person in advance as to how you broach this question. If it's someone you know well, being upfront might be better; however I'd advise against telling women you don't know to go home with you because it could, at the very worst, end up being a sexual harassment case against you.

juliannechat · 4 months

"Why don't you come home with me tonight?"

If you say it with a warm smile, sounding genuine ... could work!

Would work best on a woman who admits that she herself enjoys sex a lot and is adventurous and can handle herself. (Demo of short answer capability.)

Tesatire · 4 months

In my experience, it is all about the chemistry first. Example story:

I was at this Halloween party one year. I show up and there are these two guys. One is dressed as Wolverine, the other as a super mario brother. They were obviously really close friends. Wolverine was sexy as can be, the other one not my type at all. Anyway, as the night progresses, Wolverine and I are getting flirty and I am being polite to his friend. Two rounds of them playing beer pong later, both guys are completely drunk. Sloppy drunks are never good. Especially since I was sober.

Now, my friend that invited me to the party (male-just friend) comes over to pry these two guys off of me. Thank heavens. I hang out with friend's gf for a bit when my friend comes back over. He is laughing.

He asks "Do either of them actually have any chance with you?"

I tell him "maybe, I hadn't decided yet."

My friend informs me that Wolverine told him that I WILL be going home with either him or his friend by the end of the night. Wolverine guaranteed it. At this point, I am completely no longer interested. Do not tell me what I am or am not doing. Besides, I don't know where the idea came up that the Mario Brother had any chance at taking me home.

However, on the other hand, I was once at a bar/club heavily flirting with this guy. Chemistry was fantastic, conversation was easy enough and he was technically working so he kept having to walk away, but he showed that he was eager to spend time with me. Things started great. At the end of the night, as my friends and I are preparing to leave he comes back and says something along the lines of "So, can I get your phone number and give you a call after I get off? I'd like for you to come over". easy, to the point, it was already heading that way so he got my number and almost a year of my time.

There is a good way and bad way to do everything.

legal_beagle · 4 months

I would say be up front, but for me personally, being told to go home with you would generally result in a very loud "HELL NO" unless I knew you really well.

Why not frame it in a less-assholeish way, something along the lines of "Hey, I really like you/think we have some good chemistry/am interested and would like to see where this goes" or something along those lines? I don't think most girls would laugh at you (and if they do, get the hell away anyway) if you phrased it that way.

Atiesh · 4 months

Up front. I don't like games.

donut_think_so · 4 months

Keep in mind that whenever you go the upfront route, you put us on the spot, which can be stressful. When a girl is stressed out over the situation, she's probably not going be feeling too hot for you. Plus, abrupt propositions invite terse answers. Usually negative ones.

Personally, I can usually tell when a guy wants to have sex. This makes me appreciate any hints he's dropping even more. It's nice to see him make the effort, you know? Plus, if a guy gets behind me, showing me what angle I need in order to get that ball into the corner pocket, it can be kind of sexy. And if he's flirting, it's fun and it's going to make me like him more, and therefore be more likely to reciprocate his interest.

If I were you, I wouldn't be upfront with a girl unless you're already 90% sure she'll say yes.

weareallfromearth · 4 months

I would rather that he express interest in me obliquely at first through veiled flirtation and getting to know each other; if at a bar, chatting and dancing perhaps. I'd rather that he express interest only AFTER having done that for a while - that allows me to feel like he wanted to go home with me not only because of my looks on first impression, but also because of a more personal connection after getting to know me a little bit. So, at the end of the night, or late into it, directly ASKING me if I'd like to go home with him, maybe after he's asked to kiss me verbally or nonverbally (I find the statement "I really want to kiss you right now" very charmingly honest and vulnerable and forthright.) But a little getting to know you first - give me some time to decide if I like you at all, because I don't sleep with people who are hot but unpleasant, and if you approach me out of the blue, I won't know if you're unpleasant and will presume you don't give a shit whether or not I'm unpleasant.

zvaigzdutem · 4 months

Knowing a guy is really attracted you, as long as you have some baseline level of attraction for him and he doesn't express it creepily, is HOT. It boosts confidence and (in my case at least) increases my own attraction to a guy.

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