Hey Reddit, what are your immediate red flags when getting to know/dating someone?

DipsomaniacDawg · 5 months

I can't stand it when a woman says things strictly for the purpose of gauging my reaction. Little "tests" are annoying and can ruin a date for me very quickly. This behavior is transparent and makes me feel resentful.

[deleted] · 5 months

If their friends are douchey, they probably will be too-- they're just putting their best face on for the moment. If their "core" group of friends changes frequently, there's a reason no one's sticking around. Also, juggalos.

MJDeebiss · 5 months

If they have a lot of red flags it means they are good at Double Dare. Keeper material.

hajojebi · 5 months

If they spend any amount of time talking about exes on the first date.

As a dad if they don't respect my wishes for my child.

If they are rude.

If they spend more time texting than talking.

*Edit: poor grammar on wish line.

OHenryRules · 5 months

I took a (white) girl out to dinner, she wouldn't stop talking about how she was black on the inside and should have been born black. If it was a light-hearted passing comment about her culture, then I wouldn't have been so turned off. But, she was adamant about it. That was the last time I took her to dinner.

mortaine · 5 months

"All my exes are crazy."

Common denominator?

igotfiveonit · 5 months

True story

1st date with a girl from work, she's rather shy so i'm going through the list of bullshit questions, just trying to pull some conversation.

me

"Tell me something about yourself very few people know"

her

"I slept with a TON of guys in college, I was pretty well known for it".

BaconBuddy · 5 months

For me, it's talking about exes (go date them then, asshole!) and especially how well they respond to something going wrong.

I went on a first date where he chose the restaurant but failed all over the table with his chopsticks because he was so nervous, and when we got back to the car... well, there was no car. His was towed.

He didn't lose his cool, which is a surprise since I expected the polar opposite. Who wouldn't go nuts at seeing their car towed? He just apologized for what was going to be a late night and insisted on paying the fee on his own. It really impressed me, because not only did he look manly, he took that extra time to make a move. Pretty smooth. We've been together a year and a half.

Edit: clarity

perkanator · 5 months

Ask if I'm mad over text...because I didn't respond for 30 minutes.

b56koutu · 5 months

When they have more cats than teeth.

c-9 · 5 months

If a person is always talking negatively about other people, then you will soon be talked about.

"My ex was so stupid because..."

"I hired a person to do job X but it didn't work out because he was so dumb..."

"My mother drive me crazy and I hate her"

And so on. Someone who gossips about others will soon gossip about you.

tossing_my_sauce · 5 months

If you are coming to pick them up, and their apartment/space is just filthy. Like not just a casual mess, but the entire thing reeks of unwashed dishes rotting, trash everywhere, cat crap along the edges of the space. I did it once with a girl I met where she had the worst apartment I have ever seen. She did clean up her act when we were together, but it took A LOT of work.

Been on a few dates in the last month or so. It's always been a red flag. Mostly because, I'm not willing to help pull someone up again.

van_gofuckyourself · 5 months

Hinting at marriage/kids/settling down on the first date screams desperation to me.

Rude to others (particularly waitstaff as mentioned already)

Punctual. Not that I mind waiting, and that I know it's a PITA to find a cab sometimes, but a blatant lack of consideration for someone elses time is really disrespectful.

Edit for clarification on the first point: Yes I think putting your cards of your expectations on the table early on is absolutely important. But on the first date? I was taught that the first date was more or less something not too formal and not too long so that if you find you don't like each other you aren't stuck together for an amount of time uncomfortable for both parties. And if you do hit it off, then there's plenty of time to talk about that on any following dates.

societyghosts · 5 months

"I hate drama"

The only people that talk about drama are those who are so entrenched in it that they never realize the reason why they seem to be the center of it all.

010101010101 · 5 months

[deleted]

TheyCallMeLithium · 5 months

Talking about their DUIs and arrests. Depending on the situation, I might not care that you have them....but please don't make this the highlight of the conversation :(

misseff · 5 months

Rude to their parents for no reason. If someone can't be nice to their own mother, how are they going to be nice to me?

Edit: Also, an example of the kind of thing I was originally thinking of when I posted... I knew a girl in high school. The first time I was over to her house, her mom came home and had a bag full of all kinds of eyeliner.

Mom: "Hey honey, I got you the eyeliner you wanted."

Friend, grabbing bag and quickly looking through it: "WHERE IS MY GLITTER EYELINER?"

Mom: "I don't know, honey, I thought I got the ones you wanted."

Friend: "THANKS A LOT MOM, THAT WAS THE ONLY THING I NEEDED, YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH!"

Pacpon · 5 months

If all they do is talk about how crappy women are, and that they are so glad that you are not like them, even though they don't know anything about you.

VanDammage55 · 5 months

I never date girls from China - that's a big red flag.

RevRound · 5 months

When a girl proudly states "I am a bitch" or has a bitch tattoo. The only people I have met to do that have been complete losers who go out of their way to stir up trouble no matter where they are. It boggles my mind why anyone would take so much pride in making a society a worse place to live in

EnglishMD · 5 months

A girl who doesn't even make an attempt to offer to pay for stuff is pretty much my most commonly experienced red flag. It doesn't even have to be sincere, a movement towards the purse for some currency or a few words about paying are enough. I'm not inclined to let a lady pay for things unless we've been going out for a while but I'm astounded how few girls even offer. It's the thought that counts

Any girl that says things like "Let me get the drinks, since you got dinner" is in my good books

nerdrage74 · 5 months

My biggest red flag is when a girl is sweet to me and awful to our waiter/anyone else in public. Another is when a girl says they "Only have guy friends 'cuz girls are bitches".

Se7enLC · 5 months

If they talk to much about an ex that's a huge red flag. Best case scenario, she's seriously damaged by how much of a dick he was. Worst case, she's still hopelessly in love with him. Both are situations to be avoided.

stareattheart · 5 months

If he's sore loser or an obnoxious winner in video games. Teasing is fine, gloating or being a little bitch is not.

The_Adventurist · 5 months

My biggest turn off is someone who shows no interest in anything I have to say and instead is just waiting for their turn to talk about themselves again. If I drop a bombshell like, "I was in a terrorist attack in Jordon" your response shouldn't be, "that's crazy, I have a friend who went to Egypt once, she said the most ridiculous thing to me the other day, blah blah blah". Not everything needs to lead directly back to you, you know. I don't talk about myself much, but when I do, it would be nice if you would listen.

24rubikscube · 5 months

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

If they have that on their facebook quotes.

Wagglyfawn · 5 months

Lack of personal hygiene. It tells you A LOT about that person

KasSoup · 5 months

The wedding ring and devotion to his wife usually turn me off.

Usually.

ohshitlions · 5 months

Defensiveness. Circular logic (i.e., makes the conversation literally go in circles when they are called out on something that is incorrect). Someone who agrees with me on literally EVERYTHING and doesn't seem to have a viewpoint of their own. Looks confused when I ask him if he's read any good books lately. Has nothing to talk about but TV and other people (especially when it's gossip, and especially about people I don't know). Oh! And someone who has no respect/manners.

Edit: For a spelling error. Oops.

Zenie · 5 months

Someone who can't get off the phone. If I call you to talk to you or ask you how your day was that's fine. But after an hour goes by and I'm out of conversations and you don't contribute at all. Don't whine and moan when I want to not be on the phone with you any longer. Let's say our good byes and talk to each other the next day.

oh_herro_prease · 5 months

Hating books/reading. NOPE.

A_Non_Why_Mouse · 5 months

Find out you slept with the girl's mom while you were a bartender.

GlassChild · 5 months

When someone acts rude or abrasive and then apologizes, saying they can't help it or its another side of them, or writes it off as a personality disorder. These people can't take responsibility for their actions and have learned to label their behavior as something they can't control.

SamT_ · 5 months

whn al hr txt msgs lok leik dis

I don't know why that bothers me so much...

Onescottnoskill · 5 months

If they are a MTG World Champion.

awana56 · 5 months

When a guy tells me my best quality is my interest in nerdy things. "I want to date you because you know about Mario!" A note to nerdy guys (aka redditors): A girl that plays video games does not mean you are compatible, she's just gotta appreciate and respect your interests.

Ninja edit: terrible grammar

DD44_Dostovei · 5 months

Rude to waiters / waitresses.

eric1101 · 5 months

She can stop every conversation... just by entering the room.

She can change your night... with a single look.

And if you ask her what she does... she'll tell you.

"I'm a dancer!"

She's gorgeous... wealthy... a free spirit... and her ex-boyfriend was a club promoter.

Red... Flag...

She knows exactly where to go... exactly what to do... and all her friends are dudes.

Red... Flag...

She's exquisite... but she also lived in Vegas for eleven years.

Red... Flag...

She's funny... but not funny like "Ha ha!"... funny like "Yikes!"

Red... Flag...

And her pinky nail is waaay longer than her other nails.

That's a major Red Flag.

Red Flag Parfum, by Chanel. The only perfume that warns men:

"I'm fucking crazy!"

Red Flag.

vanillaaaa · 5 months

When they can't do anything but talk about how much weed they smoke and how awesome getting high is.

Glad to know your life is so boring that the most exciting part of it is sinking into a couch for hours at a time. Now go away.

ojolejano · 5 months

If she yells in front of me like its nothing. I don't like loud people.

schlitz100 · 5 months

If they have a penis = red flag

hobbit6 · 5 months

"I don't read."

Nobody_Nailed_It · 5 months

When she starts talking about ex boyfriends. A clear indicator that she still thinks about her ex(s) and is actively comparing me to them.

justbenicetopeople · 5 months

Any man using player tricks. instant turnoff.

Whatisthis1888 · 5 months

I'm a girl. I'm also fairly independent and like my space.

It would annoy me when after the first date the guy would then comment on every single Facebook photo of me, comment on every status I made, or like it, and would text me promptly at 6 AM when they got up to go to work and blow up my phone throughout the day.

We had one date. Doesn't mean I'm ready for marriage.

ahmacrom · 5 months

When you go to their house and on their dvd shelf is either Norbit or White Chicks.

IntellectualPenguin · 5 months

My two biggest red flags are: 1. Simply when I realize a girl is naive and/or incapable of engaging in intellectual conversations or critical thinking and 2. If she doesn't know the value of a dollar and has been spoon-fed by her parents her whole life.

Hobash · 5 months

Any form of racism or racist comments

DannyDe · 5 months

The fact that she left another guy for me. You can guess how our relationship ended.

schnauby · 5 months

I hate people that claim music is their world when they actually just listen to bad rap music on their iPod a lot.

[deleted] · 5 months

Arrogance. Can't stand it. One girl said to me, "My mother and I are very beautiful." ಠ_ಠ

mikeyb1 · 5 months

If the first words she says to me are "Can I blow you?" then I fear I must run away.

(After I let her blow me, of course. Just because she's crazy doesn't mean I have to be rude.)

tharoodypoo · 5 months

Supports Rick Perry

van_gofuckyourself · 5 months

http://thedailygrindonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/crazy-eyes.jpg

biglip · 5 months

"I have x (ailment), and last year it was y, and z the year before. The doctors just can't figure it out, they're so incompetent."

elc109 · 5 months

Dude got in my car, heard Florence and the Machines, asked if it was "some weird Christian music." Then proceeded to not recognize ANY of the names in my CD case (including Pink Floyd and Radiohead). Then asked if I had any Young Jeezy.
Yeah, this isn't going anywhere.

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