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[–]kaidu 745 points746 points ago

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One day, I'm going to have to pay bills.

I was 3 or 4, and didn't realize how far off that was, so I started freaking out cause I didn't have any money.

[–]KingRanter 293 points294 points ago

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Did you find a quarter and calm down?

[–]Mandelish 275 points276 points ago

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That's adorable.

[–]Ragnasty26 51 points52 points ago

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I had a little kid panic attack the night before my 10th birthday. 10 was almost 18, which meant I had to stop liking Ninja Turtles, be able to drive a car, and leave my family and work and I didn't know how to do any of those things so I was going to fail. Totally reasonable.

[–]tristamgreen 769 points770 points ago

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Third grade - we were studying the human body - internal organs, learning to differentiate the digestive system from the nervous system etc., and we had to do a report on some human-body-related topic.

I chose "how babies are made".

Our research material consisted of a third-grade-level book that replaced all the key parts with parts from robots - i.e. the robot didn't have a penis, it had an extending ...thing that went into a "special slot" on another robot.

Yeah, I put two and two together on it while I was presenting the report to the class. Imagine, if you will, an eight-year-old boy standing there talking about the robots, and then the look of "what the FUCK?" coming across his face while he slowly realizes that the "extension" and "special slot" are actually a penis and a vagina, and that they have to come together in order to make a kid.

[–]hknol 726 points727 points ago

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You'd think schools could just teach you stuff straight up rather than making it "safe" and confusing.

[–]DoctorBaby 426 points427 points ago

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I think deliberately disguising knowledge required for sexually responsible kids is about as far from "safe" as you can get.

[–]WhyAmINotStudying 139 points140 points ago

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This explains so much. I've been trying to connect my laptop to my desktop for weeks and I still don't have an iPad. I thought maybe they were incompatible.

[–]maxreverb 168 points169 points ago

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Hence the quotation marks.

[–]seasidelion 31 points32 points ago

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i wish i could have seen that. what'd your teacher do?

[–]tristamgreen 104 points105 points ago

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she just went along with it. she didn't make me finish the report, though. i just kinda stopped cold when I got to that point, looked at her for guidance with a look of "omg what do i do", and she very tactfully said "and that concludes tristam's report! very good job tristam, if any of you have further questions, feel free to ask your parents; and if any of them have questions, have them call or see me at any time".

no bad came from it though, most of the rest of the class were at that perfectly innocent third-grade level and had zero idea what happened.:D

[–]tristamgreen 81 points82 points ago

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holy shit, i got curious and i found the book: How Your Body Works

[–]Iplaywithsinged 1128 points1129 points ago

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My parents....Are people. I went to a work party and was amazed that my dad had a life outside of me. HE HAS FRIENDS? HES FUNNY? WHAAAAAATTTT?

[–]_atreyu 488 points489 points ago

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I had a similar moment when it suddenly dawned on me that my parents were actually PEOPLE, with flaws and lives and feelings. That was a weird moment.

[–]mallio 500 points501 points ago

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[–]thezerofire 313 points314 points ago

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Holy shit did you see the way he put the straw in that Capri-Sun?

[–]Just_A_Dinosaur 127 points128 points ago

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Obligatory accusation that he pulled the straw out and they ran the film backwards.

[–]graysonkelly 248 points249 points ago

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Just emailed the guy who directed the video and asked him. Here's his response (and it only took him five minutes!)

Also, in typical redditor fashion, "A couple friends" is always easier than "Some people on the internet"

[–]_mach 36 points37 points ago

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I love reddit. Thanks for helping me avoid thinking about this all night.

[–]whatdoyouwantmetosay 146 points147 points ago

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Comedic and heartwarming? NOT ON MY WATCH.

Actually, the bit about "nobody has it as bad as you" had me rolling.

[–]hogiewan 95 points96 points ago

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that was perfect with the other goth/emo asshole mowing in the background

[–][deleted] 336 points337 points ago

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My mom had me when she was 18 so we're basically her life. I remember in highscool I saw a picture of her in middle school and I just cried for 2 hours. I was a manly man in highschool by then lol. When she asked me why I just said I looked at that picture and I just saw a little girl and I never truly realized she was just a little girl.

After that my perspective of parents changed.

[–]savetheclocktower 549 points550 points ago

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At its heart, Back to the Future is a movie about this realization.

Bob Gale, the screenwriter, was at his parents' house one day when he happened upon one of his dad's old high school yearbooks. He looked up his dad and saw that he had been student body president — which he found amusing because he himself had been head of a coalition to abolish student government at his high school.

So that got him thinking: if I'd gone to high school with my dad, would I have been friends with him? That's the central idea of the movie.

(When Gale told his friend Robert Zemeckis about his idea, Zemeckis added, "Yeah, and what if your mom swears she never kissed a boy when she was your age, but it turns out she was actually a slut?")

Everything else, all the sci-fi and the DeLorean and the skateboard and the Huey Lewis and the radiation suits, is in support of that one idea.

As Roger Ebert wrote:

The movie, in fact, resembles Capra's It's a Wonderful Life more than other, conventional time-travel movies. It's about a character who begins with one view of his life and reality, and is allowed, through magical intervention, to discover another.

[–]762FMJ 119 points120 points ago

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With the relevant username too!

[–]beetnemesis 203 points204 points ago

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I want this to become a gimmick account where he equates everything to Back to the Future

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]ashcore 358 points359 points ago

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I was 8 and realized my moms boyfriend of 5 years was a really mean person that could be violent so I told my mom that she needed to break up with him. She got really mad at me and that's when I realized my mother would never be someone that I could look up to or trust completely. 21 years later I still have those feelings about her.

Or when I was 6 I saw my dad cry and realized that he wasnt the strongest man in the world.

[–]NotMarkus 379 points380 points ago

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I saw my dad crying once when I was about 8 and it completely rocked my world for a minute. Then I realized he wasn't crying, he'd just been pepper sprayed by 3 separate cops to get him off a guy that he was fighting at the time.

Full story: Three 19-year-olds had dropped a cooler down a flight of stairs and it hit my sister (10 years old) in the head. They apologized initially. A few minutes later, they were laughing loudly and drunkenly about smashing some chick in the head with their cooler. My 50 year old dad overheard and destroyed them.

[–][deleted] 213 points214 points ago

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you tell your dad that I like him

[–]theportlyginger 166 points167 points ago

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Seeing my tough-as-nails father cry when his sister/my aunt died from cancer was one of the most upsetting things in my childhood, for that same reason.

[–]Boolderdash 159 points160 points ago

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Seeing a child cry is saddening.

Seeing a grown man cry is heartbreaking.

[–]iezugod 26 points27 points ago

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When my grandpa was on his deathbed, his entire family had gathered at his house for a few days. He had hospice at his house so he was home. When the time drew near, my parents sent all of the children outside. I was sitting outside with my cousin, probably 100 feet from the house just kinda hanging out talking. We see my uncle, who is one of the manliest men I've ever known, come out of the house alone and walk around to the back side of the house where no one could see him. He broke down crying. At that moment we knew our grandpa had passed and to this day, seeing my manliest of uncles crying alone, hiding so no one could see him is one of the most prominent memories of my childhood.

[–]riloh 626 points627 points ago

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when i was about 10, i learned the truth about why my dad wasn't in my life: he was in prison for breaking the law in a serious way. it made me realize that parents are just people too, and it helped me realize that my mom was basically just a fragile lady, breaking her back and stretching her limits to provide for two young boys and give them a youth that didn't feel lacking or poor.

[–]WolfPack_VS_Grizzly 244 points245 points ago

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Have an upvote from another kid raised by a mother working three jobs just so she felt that I wasn't missing out on anything.

I learned at a very young age (Probably around 5 or so.) that being an adult meant working the hardest you can to do the best for yourself and others.

[–]petrifiedcattle 64 points65 points ago

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As an adult now, I have gained immense respect for how hard my mother had it trying to raise three boys through our entire childhood by herself.

Upvoted for having a supermom too.

[–]Pantisocracy 1050 points1051 points ago*

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I was about 8 sitting in the back seat of the car while my dad was driving us to the movies. We passed a man who was jogging with a slight limp, my dad begins to say "See that jogger there? Obvious hamstring injury on the right hand side metatarsal inflicted from velocity increased incline", it all sounded very clever and I nodded. I thought for a second, my dad isn't a doctor, nor does he jog and we saw this guy for maybe only three seconds? I remember saying "WAIT A MINUTE! YOU DON'T KNOW THAT AT ALL, THAT'S ALL TRASH!", my dad started laughing and to this day he recounts this story to the family when his son found out he is an all time bullshitter.

[–]tcpip4lyfe 222 points223 points ago

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My dad convinced a room of 12 year olds he walked on water. The man can tell some bullshit convincingly.

[–]sprankton 382 points383 points ago

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I walked on water. It was frozen at the time, but it was still water.

[–]chainsaw_chainsaw 188 points189 points ago*

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Are there any dads who are not troll dads?

[–]mypetlion 399 points400 points ago

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sitting in the back seat of the care

I know it was just a typo, but after it, I had to read the rest of your story in a Newfie accent.

[–]martlet1 788 points789 points ago*

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My pediatric doctor always greeted me at his office with "hows it going scallywag?", which I thought was pretty cool. I always wondered how he remembered to call me that each time I came in. When I hit 12 I had to go to a "regular" family doctor and my mom and I went to pick up my file, and I overheard him greeting another kid with "hows it going scallywag?", which kind of stung until he looked over and give me a little wink.

[–]hawps 736 points737 points ago*

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My parents had a very lengthy & violent divorce around the time I was 7. I always struggled to have a normal relationship with my dad, but I knew that he loved me despite the bullshit, and always called me "sugarbear". He started dating right away after the divorce, and in front of me called his girlfriend at the time "sugarbear". I responded, but so did she, and he didn't notice that I had. I've never felt so betrayed in my life.

Edit for apparent creepiness: The nickname came from my being in love with Sugar Crisp cereal as a baby, their mascot was Sugar Bear. And am I a dude? Let's find out

[–]Huggle_Shark 307 points308 points ago

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That's awful :( And a little creepy, frankly.

[–]hawps 104 points105 points ago

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Yeah, it was around the time I found a pamphlet about engagement rings. I was like dad, wtf. You just got divorced.

[–]postslikeagirl 25 points26 points ago

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Something similar to your whole scenario happened with me. I love my dad dearly and after he split from my stepmom, he started dating someone I didn't care for in the least, and she didn't care for me. A few months later, my dad tells me they broke up, at which point I tell him I'm glad, I never liked her, she was condescending towards me and mean to him. I told him all these stories about cruel things she said to me and my brother, things I wouldn't mention while they were dating for my dad's sake.

A week later they were back together. I was livid, betrayed, and, more importantly, so uncomfortable.

[–]hogiewan 16 points17 points ago

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Before we married, my now-wife and I watched some Cosby Show reruns. We saw the episode with "Bud", and she started calling me "Bud" - it annoyed me, so I did what any good troll-boyfriend would do, and I called her "Bud" as well. It stuck and I called her Bud for years after she stopped calling me by that nickname. When our daughter was born and grew a bit, I called her Bud one day. It felt a bit weird, but right at the same time. I was so used to calling the girl I loved, Bud, that it was instinctive to call my daughter, who I loved just as much as my wife even though it was a different love, the same thing as my wife. Your dad could have been a jackass, but I would bet it was similar. He was so ussed to calling his special girl "sugarbear" that a new special girl would get the same treatment. I do understand the pang you must have felt as I wondered whether my wife had a similar feeling, but I don't think it was him replacing you, just directing similar feelings towards another.

[–]texasjoe 346 points347 points ago

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That a woman's vagina is not located where her belly button is.

I actually mentioned this out loud in front of a bunch of high schoolers when I was like 10. They showed me Hustler.

[–]Aaronplane 201 points202 points ago

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Just learned a great way to get free Hustlers.

[–]punchingtrees 194 points195 points ago

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I just imagined a 20-something adult proclaiming realizations about vaginas in front of high schoolers then waiting in the silence with shifty eyes wondering where the free porn is.

[–]LynzM 164 points165 points ago

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I diagnosed my Type 1 diabetes when I was 9 (from reading the Babysitters' Club books). My doctor didn't believe me, and asked no follow-up questions. A month later, after I'd had strep throat four times in a row, they hospitalized me, and guess what? facepalm I told you so.

[–]wildcard1992 108 points109 points ago

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I self diagnosed my appendicitis when I was 13. I had a panic attack in my room and cried.

Turns out I just had a stomachache and I was a hypochondriac.

[–]pupeno 18 points19 points ago

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I diagnosed my hypochondrainism every day of my life since I was 7. They told me there was nothing wrong with me. I told otherwise.

[–]intern4tional 590 points591 points ago*

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A kid a year or so ahead of me hanged himself w/ a chain when I was in the second grade.

He used to ride our bus to school, so the school sent some counselor out who told us some weird story about why he wasn't going to be on the bus anymore.

I remember walking out of the meeting with the counselor and realizing that her story was bunk. Dennis was dead and he wasn't coming back.

EDIT: Grammar

[–]beetnemesis 296 points297 points ago

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Wait, what? Did they say he had been sent off to a farm or something?

[–]SupDanLOL 669 points670 points ago

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They probably said he hadn't hung himself, but instead that he had hanged himself.

[–]CrazyBunnyLady 597 points598 points ago*

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Salzella shrugged. 'We've got to do this properly. Did you know Dr Undershaft was strangled before he was hung?'

'Hanged,' said Bucket, without thinking. 'Men are hanged. It's dead meat that's hung.'

'Indeed?' said Salzella. 'I appreciate the information. Well, poor old Undershaft was strangled, apparently. And then he was hung.'

  • Terry Pratchett (Maskerade)

Edit: Added book

[–]TheOuts1der 126 points127 points ago

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Fuck I love that man.

[–]StumpyGoblin 99 points100 points ago

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A kid in third grade committed suicide?

[–]intern4tional 113 points114 points ago

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Yup - he should have been in the fourth as he'd been held back a year.

He was in a foster home of sorts, in Andover, MN off Tulip St. (I still remember the house.)

[–]willardfillmore 102 points103 points ago

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This explains a lot; the foster system is fucked up beyond belief.

[–]It_was_Hitler 125 points126 points ago

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He got sold to a big farm with lots of land where he'll be happier and can run around the big fields alllllll day.

[–]RockLobster89 206 points207 points ago

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And da' rabbits, George!

[–]Tat2darms 222 points223 points ago

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I was 6 years old and my family(brother, father and mother) and I had gone out for dinner and a movie. We went home for my mom to change clothes, I don't remember why she had to change, and she went into our house leaving us in the car. It seemed like we had waited forever when my dad said, "I'll go and find out what's taking so long". So my brother and I were outside waiting when my Dad came running out of the house. I remember the look of panic and fear in his eyes. He got us out of the car and told us,"Run! Don't ask questions just run to the neighbors!". It was late and dark and our neighbor was almost 1/2 a mile down the road.I remember grabbing my little brothers hand and running, with tears streaming down my face and just being so scared.

The next day when I went home we had cardboard and visquine(sp?) on all the windows in the back of our house, about 4 or 5 windows total. My older brother had come home in a drug fueled rage and shot out the windows in the back of the house and then took my mom hostage. The cops came and with the help of my Dad calmed him down and took him into custody. No one was hurt luckily, but I think for the first time I truly knew what fear was. Terror of the unknown and maybe also hatred came into my life at that moment.

TLDR; At 6 years old we had to run from our house because my brother took my mother hostage.

[–]supposeperhaps 37 points38 points ago

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Holy shit. What happened after that? How old was your brother and what happened to him, and what did his life become after that, and did your family continue to have any contact or run-ins with him?

[–]Tat2darms 75 points76 points ago

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I'm a little unsure of the legal aspects of what happened. If I remember right he didn't live with us for awhile, probably in jail or rehab, which is pretty much his life. He is ten years older then me and was a pretty amazing guy in some respects, very charismatic. He left our small town when he was eighteen to try and start an acting career in L.A. He got on as an extra in some movies and even had a small speaking role on a soap opera for little while.

The drug abuse got worse and he started showing some mental deterioration. By 22 he was on the streets full time, selling his body and strung out on meth. He's 42 now and still on the streets, still a drug addict. I haven't seen him or spoken to him in ages. My mom got a call one time from a hospital in Washington saying they had my brother in the I.C.U. Turned out he was in a van cooking meth, absolutely whacked out of his gourd(said he had been up 20+days, not sure if that's true but he would brag about how long he could stay going).So him and this girl were going at it and he reached over to grab some lube, well he grabbed the wrong thing and ended up spreading lye, or something similar on his cock.I guess the girl realized something wasn't right because he was so fucked up he didn't even know his dick was in the process of disintegrating.The docs said he almost lost his junk!

He molested me a year or so after that event with my mom and I haven't talked to him since. I think about him quite often and truly don't hate him anymore. I just wonder what would've happened if he had been able to stay sober. All the family stuff that means so much more to me now and how that dynamic would change with an older brother.My mother still hears from him every few months.

TLDR; Follow up to 1st comment. Brother almost burnt his dick off, still lives on the street and is a junkie.

[–]HarlequinPanda 48 points49 points ago

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My goodness hugs

[–]safe_work_for_naught 1293 points1294 points ago

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We were sitting at a traffic light, and I was staring at the cars on the other side of the intersection. The epiphany dawned on me that what I would call my left was right to the people on the other side. After a minute or so of checking my mental work, I realized I was right. That opened the door to a whole new world of realizing other people could have a different perspective on something than I could. I was about five or six.

(PS: It's Ritalin.)

[–]BonesJackson 174 points175 points ago

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I had the BIGGEST argument with Casey in first grade. His desk mirrored mine, because the classroom had desks set up in clusters. He kept insisting that left was right and vice versa.

[–]safe_work_for_naught 409 points410 points ago

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Let me guess: he's a politician now.

[–]andytuba 148 points149 points ago

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Nah, probably works in theater.

[–]andrewjs42 170 points171 points ago

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You are mentally incapable of perspective and empathy until roughly this age. If you ask a 4 year old to draw a picture as someone sitting to their left would see it, they are incapable of doing so. It's something developmental psychologists discovered decades ago.

[–]slaxter 416 points417 points ago

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That might also be because 4 year olds suck at drawing.

[–]lukel1127 874 points875 points ago

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Mine was the fact that some people may call red, blue, and yellow, green. And there is no way of knowing what colors they see. It could all be inverted and no one would know.

[–]478nist 285 points286 points ago

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I used to think that too when I was a kid! Weird. But after growing up I realised colors are just different wavelengths and if our personal interpretation of that wavelength was different person to person, you could check the retinas and the optic nerve for differences and probably figure it out pretty quick.

[–]OPsEvilTwin_S_ 138 points139 points ago

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Science! Seriously though, unless you're color blind you don't see colors any differently.

[–]Lost216 712 points713 points ago

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That has fucked with my head my whole life. Like maybe everyone has the same favorite color, it just is called something different

[–]brain_candy 309 points310 points ago

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I think even though we might perceive the actual colors differently, what object is color X is essentially an absolute.

For example, grass is green. Whether the color green to you might not be the same as it is to me, we both see the object with the same color.

[–]daniels220 36 points37 points ago

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To be pedantically accurate: Color theory defines "green" in terms of a whole bunch of equations related to intensities of particular wavelengths of light. That's absolute—an object that emits those frequencies "is green", in some strict sense.

Because of how we learn language, and our inability to actually read each other's thoughts and perceptions, two non-colorblind people speaking the same language will almost always call a given object the same color (there are obviously ambiguous cases, but not between really different colors). In a sense, the word "green" actually does mean "light with a peak in the 520-570nm range", even without color theory, because we learn which objects are green from other people who already agree—we can't directly communicate how green looks, only that that object is "green".

We have no idea, though, whether everybody actually has the same qualia of "greenness", or even whether that's a meaningful question. People have somewhat consistent emotional responses to particular colors, which suggests some coherence of qualia, and there are cultural variations, which suggests some learned aspect as well.

[–]barbsteele 309 points310 points ago

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I was ten-ish and a bit of a shop lifter; I would stash things from stores in my pockets for a rush. I then went to the library and actually stole a book instead of checking it out. I stashed all my stolen goodies in my closet until the guilt started eating me alive. I confessed to my mom how I could not live with myself anymore, I was a bad person, etc. I look back and think how dramatic I was with my lifted Goosebumps book and jelly bracellet.

[–]duncan 139 points140 points ago

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Oh man, I stole a single chain link, similar to this, from my 1st grade classroom. I hid it in my Lego bucket, and like you, I felt guilty as hell. I cried at least once a day, for a week. When my parents asked me why I was crying, I told them "I didn't know", and they were so worried that they took me to the doctor. Nothing was physically wrong with me of course, so he sent us away. Eventually I broke down, and told my dad everything. He tried to convince me to "turn myself in", but eventually just returned it for me at an open house parents meet teachers night.

[–]self_yelp 26 points27 points ago

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Same situation, my mom and I were in the store and I saw a roll of "Tums" antacids and I thought they were candy, so I pocketed it when nobody was looking. Proud that I'd pulled off the deception, I told mom about it as soon as we got into the car. She made me go back into this giant store, alone, ask for the manager, and give back the antacid. I was scared out of my mind, had never been alone in public before. Needless to say I never stole after that.

[–]MayorScotch 17 points18 points ago

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What is the proper response to a kid coming back with something little they stole? I was working at a Halloween store last year and a girl, maybe 4, came up to the register crying a little and she told me she took something and she handed some trinket to me. I told her not to do it again and she said ok. I didn't really want to thank her or congratulate her or anything; I didn't try to look mean but I didn't smile.

[–]Mitsuho 22 points23 points ago

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You have done the right thing by admitting your guilt. By returning this in retail condition you have made things right with me. You are forgiven. Don't do it again.

[–]Dovienya 74 points75 points ago

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When I was about 14, I started stealing romance novels from the library because I was too embarassed to try to check them out (which might not have worked, anyway). I snuck them out but always brought them back.

[–]freakscene 122 points123 points ago

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That's adorable.

I stole a $4 ring from Sanrio Surprises when I was 8. Never even wore it because of the guilt.

[–]vfr 138 points139 points ago

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Probably realizing that most adults are not very happy and that I never wanted to be like that.

[–]RosieMuffysticks 240 points241 points ago

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The day before my fifth birthday, I realized that my parents (dad and stepmother) didn't know when my birthday was. She thought it was the 30th, and he just went along with it.

Every year.

When my 17th birthday was approaching, I decided that I wouldn't say anything to anybody about it. I had decided that the anguish of knowing they didn't care was worse than being ignored. The day of, my stepmother's mother called her to remind her that it was my birthday.

The only good side to it was their guilt got me good presents. I'd rather have had a heartfelt hug, though.

[–][deleted] 80 points81 points ago

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How do you not know your child's birthday? Honestly if you can't remember, go dig out the birth certificate!

[–]ChocoJesus 28 points29 points ago

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The day of, my stepmother's mother called her to remind her that it was my birthday.

Gotta love grandmothers. Even my 'evil' grandmother never forgets

[–]DownSouthDread 65 points66 points ago

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I'm totally down for a heartfelt hug right now!

[–]squaretwo 131 points132 points ago

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In first grade, I had the realization that I have only this one life to live and that no one else could live it for me. Everyone else had their own lives and we were just going through this world together. I don't know if that is such an adult realization, but at that moment, I felt like all the walls around me had fallen down. I still remember that feeling.

[–]Haushinka 44 points45 points ago

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It is adult. And you can confirm it with your own sentence "I felt like all the walls around me had fallen down". That's not a common feeling in first grade :)

[–]BaZing3 201 points202 points ago

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Unless you live in an earthquake-prone area

[–]ekscrement 233 points234 points ago

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Bathroom water is the same as kitchen water.

[–]vodkasoda 1589 points1590 points ago*

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I asked my first grade teacher if South America and Africa were ever together because they looked like they'd fit perfectly. She told me no and laughed at me. A few years later when I learned about Pangea I wanted to smack a bitch.

Edit: spelling

[–]tastyprawn 1178 points1179 points ago

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Did you and I have the same first grade teacher? Mine once told the class that frogs were reptiles. I raised my hand and corrected her. She told the class that I was wrong and punished me. The next day, I brought the "F" volume of my encyclopedia set to school to show her (and the rest of the class) that it said frogs were amphibians, not reptiles. This caused her to call my parents in for a parent/teacher conference. ¬_¬

[–]Kidsturk 254 points255 points ago

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If I'm ever pulled into a parent/teacher meeting where the teacher is protesting being corrected by my child, that child is getting a surprise visit to whatever eating/entertainment venue is his/her favorite.

[–]gbchaosmaster 170 points171 points ago

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Hooters.

[–]Kidsturk 26 points27 points ago

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Even then, and neither of us will tell Mom.

(Dear Future Son/Daughter if you are reading this after an extensive internet search of Daddy's existence on the Internet, I will be asking your teacher for verification first.)

[–]Vanetia 30 points31 points ago

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Dear Future Son/Daughter if you are reading this after an extensive internet search of Daddy's existence on the Internet

Oh Jesus... that's a scary thought

[–]Eilif 789 points790 points ago

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Fighting the good fight! It is necessary!

[–]Lowkeykeylow 271 points272 points ago

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I wonder how that parent/teacher conference went.

"So like I said on the phone your son was being ignorant..."

"But he corrected you..."

"No, well yes, but see, he needs to respect me more."

"...and he was right. I don't understand why I needed to be called he-"

"BUT I'M THE TEACHER."

[–]Glenners 209 points210 points ago

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IF I WANT TO MISINFORM MY STUDENTS THAT IS MY DECISION!!

[–]King_Abdullah_II 136 points137 points ago

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My first grade teacher told us that there were 52 states and marked me down for writing '50.' This means that she was from the future. Your teacher was probably from a more distant future in which frogs have evolved into reptiles.

[–]tastyprawn 31 points32 points ago

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I like this theory.

[–]arbuthnot-lane 344 points345 points ago

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Are you my long lost twin?
One time a question was asked about which is the longest river in the world; Volga, the Nile or the Amzaon? I was an avid reader already, and knew that this was the Nile (Donald Duck taught me a huge amount of interesting facts).
My teacher pulled down the world map and with passion tried to show how Volga was clearly longer, and that I should stop arguing with him.
In the lunch break I went to the school library, found the encyclopaedia and helpfully showed him the relevant article.
He exploded completely and looked like he wanted to punch my smirking 6 year old face to smithereens, but settled with yelling at me to never, ever contradict him again. At the parent/teacher conference my dad really stood up for me, but my elementary school days were awkward ever after.

PS: I'm pretty sure we were both precocious and annoying, but fuck teachers that treat all children like morons.

[–]zylo47 167 points168 points ago

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I don't understand why people get so bent out of shape when they're wrong about stuff. Who cares?? you're wrong, learn and get on with life.

[–]arbuthnot-lane 141 points142 points ago

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Can you imagine the shame if a person a third your size and 40 years younger suddenly bested you in a game of knowledge?
In front of 20 more kids, all of whom where shitting their pants and eating dirt just a few years ago.
The class is watching you, their world view shaking, their respect in danger of evaporating, and you need to rail them back in.
A petty person might do this by striking back with anger and adult sarcasm, or punishment. Establish his dominance, and penalize infractions.
A more self-confident and reflective person would probably be able to laugh it off, and get the smart kid on his side.

[–]Thorbinator 124 points125 points ago

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A more self-confident and reflective person would probably be able to laugh it off, and get the smart kid on his side.

This is the mark of a great teacher.

[–]tankfox 420 points421 points ago

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I would have been proud to go to that conference. By the time I was done with her, SHE would have been a reptile.

[–]hivoltage815 583 points584 points ago

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I don't know what that means.

[–]portablebiscuit 583 points584 points ago

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Apparently, she'll no longer be able to lay eggs in the water.

[–]farceur318 96 points97 points ago

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That doesn't sound that bad really.

[–]etihw_retsim 341 points342 points ago

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Wow - even if you had asked if the world was flat, she shouldn't have laughed at you. Her being wrong about the fact makes it even worse.

[–]kevinstonge 27 points28 points ago

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As a teacher I can say that many teachers fear their own ignorance. I suppose I am not completely immune to this either, but I try to say "I don't know" or "I'll find out for you" (I'm usually afraid to tell them to find out, because that seems to deter them from asking questions).

Anyway, back to the 'other' teachers ... teachers perceive their job as one of dispensing knowledge. It really creates some heavy internal conflict to admit your own ignorance when it is your job to not be ignorant. Many teachers are ashamed of their own ignorance and will attempt to cover it up by mocking students, refusing to answer questions, or outright making up answers.

[–]jasontimmur 266 points267 points ago

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We had a nurse as a guest speaker in early grade school. She was talking about the blood, mentioned it had iron in it. I raised my hand and related a little story, that I had read an average adult has enough iron in their blood to make a nail. I thought it was a neat little tidbit of information.

The nurse laughed at me and said, "well, it's not that kind of iron." Then the whole class laughed at me. I wanted to speak up and say, "of course it is, you fucking tramp. How many kinds of iron do you think there are?"

But I didn't.

[–]deasl 103 points104 points ago*

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[–]ffn 57 points58 points ago

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So you see, when you hear that someone is "hot blooded", it means that they have too many irons in their blood, heating it up too much.

[–]Judam 125 points126 points ago

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Godamnit. I don't remember what grade it was, sometime in Elementary, but our assignment was to draw something aquatic. I ended up drawing a giant squid next to a tiny vessel deep underwater. The teacher told me that giant squid don't exist and failed my project. In a different grade, another teacher told me that cavemen never existed because God created civilized Adam and Eve.

[–]Mahat 45 points46 points ago

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Beats having a teacher who fails you on a math test because there was no way a kid like you could get that high of a mark with out cheating. I learned at an early age that life isn't fair and people are cunts.

[–]kreuelt 257 points258 points ago

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Nice try, Al Gore's second grade classmate.

[–]Antebios 15 points16 points ago

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I have a habit of chewing on pencils and the pointed end. My teacher said I shouldn't put the pencil in my mouth because I could get "lead poisoning". I was shocked because I knew the pencil "lead" was graphite, also known as carbon. Hint, we are a carbon based lifeform.

[–]gjallard 570 points571 points ago

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Since I could remember, I always realized that school (K-12) and college were temporary, and that any goal I had needed to transcend those institutions.

I think some of the greatest frustrations in life must come from people walking out of their graduation ceremonies and thinking "OK, now what?"

[–]Frogel 468 points469 points ago

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I...yeah. I'm glad it was a childhood realization for you, since for most people, it's a 18- or 22-year old realization.

This redditor included.

[–]redditis4queers 40 points41 points ago

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Pity me, for I am 26 and finishing college this fall, after a two year hiatus and the best thing I can come up with is writing a web series with a few of my buddies.

[–]thestockades 35 points36 points ago

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I'm 27 and I still haven't figured out what comes after the "Now what?"-phase.

[–]diamond 110 points111 points ago

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I think some of the greatest frustrations in life must come from people walking out of their graduation ceremonies and thinking "OK, now what?"

In all fairness, though, some of the greatest accomplishments also come from that.

[–]hammertimebustamove 118 points119 points ago

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When I was around 6 and I found a childhood picture of my grandmother. It hit me that all old people used to be young once, they aren't just saying that to annoy you. Flipped my world, lemme tell ya.

[–]awesome404 167 points168 points ago

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After I lost my 1st tooth the whole tooth fairy thing didn't add up. So I pulled my 2nd tooth out in bed and put it under my pillow. I did not get a shiny quarter. The next day I told my parents I lost my tooth, put it under my pillow and... jackpot. I never told my parents, I just collected the quarters happily.

[–][deleted] 196 points197 points ago

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After I worked out the fakery of Santa, tooth fairies and Easter bunnies, I actually felt guilty. I didn't want to tell my mum I knew in case it upset her, since she loved being all enthusiastic about them.

[–]ThomasPie 90 points91 points ago

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I swear to god, I worked harder hiding that I knew than they did trying to keep it from me.

[–]elemenohpeas 52 points53 points ago

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I can eat my dessert any time I want.

[–]themindlessone 107 points108 points ago

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Adults are the same as children. Everyone is flying by the seat of their pants.

[–]emptynamebox 256 points257 points ago

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At 7 years old I shattered my femur playing peewee football. During the 6 months I had to spend laying down, immobile (this was before the fancy surgeries we have now) I came to the realization that, no, I couldn't be anything I wanted to be. Do to both my poor eyesight and worthless right leg, I would never be a pro-athlete or astronaut. I would never be a big strong-man. I figured I probably wasn't as smart as most kids and couldn't be a scientist, either. And I had myself a little 7 year old depression. That mentality stayed with me until I was in my senior year of high school when I decided, "screw this, I might not make it, but I'm gonna do whatever I can to be whatever I want, even if it kills me". And now, you wouldn't even recognize me :)

[–]RecycleThisMessage 423 points424 points ago

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I have no doubt that I wouldn't recognize you. :)

[–]punintentional 339 points340 points ago

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When I was in second grade, my grandfather died. I found a book laying around my grandma's house that was something like How to Talk to Your Kids About Death.

At the time not really grasping I was being a troll, I read the section that had frequently asked questions by kids and how parents should address them. I then proceeded to ask my mom a battery of these questions, at which point she realized what I was doing and got visibly upset.

I guess at that moment I realized I totally didn't understand the gravity of what was going on, and there are some questions no one, not even your parents, have the answers for.

[–]supposeperhaps 314 points315 points ago

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I'm not sure how old I was at the time, but I'm going to guess maybe 9 years old. I read a lot, and once was browsing a Reader's Digest magazine sitting around our house, which included a parenting article. It advised parents to diffuse a fight when they have to enforce a rule and the kids are angry, by using humor. It suggested that when kids demand to know why you've refused permission or are making them do something, that you respond "Because I'm mean!" as a joke to make them laugh.

Not long after that, my parents were being strict about something, I was complaining, and my dad used that line, "Because I'm mean!" I called him out, "You've been reading Reader's Digest!"

[–]punintentional 150 points151 points ago

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Haha, yeah teach your kids to read at your own risk if they're precocious smartasses.

[–]suulia 46 points47 points ago

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On a fall weekend, my mother's drinking had escalated to full blown alcoholic, and my father traveled a lot on business and had no idea. I woke up on Monday, Mom passed out drunk, Dad who knows where, knowing I had to get to school somehow. I didn't have anyone to help me get ready or drive me to school.

I cried, knowing that I was utterly alone. I realized at that moment that nobody is there for me, but me, and that if I needed something, I had to do it myself. I was 5 and in kindergarten. I showered, dressed, put cheese and crackers in a bag for lunch, and walked to school. I made it just in time.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]SullyDuggs 572 points573 points ago

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I was about six or seven when I asked my mom "If I had a flashlight and I was travelling at the speed of light would I be able to see the light from the flashlight?" She said "Yes, of course, light is the fastest thing in the world." I then told her "If I was going the speed of light then light would not be able to go faster than the fastest speed?" This just tripped me out and I didn't even realize until much later that this concept is something Einstein used as inspiration for his theory of relativity. I would have pursued this further but I think Super Mario Kart came out that same year.

[–]Dragonix842 265 points266 points ago

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I hate it when I'm discovering the inspiration for the theory of relativity and get sidetracked by Mario Kart. Happens all the time.

[–]twinkiehouse 24 points25 points ago

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Ren and stimpy joke: hey Dr. Stupid, if I were in a car travelling at the speed of light and I turned on my headlights, what would happen?

You would be able to see the destruction you caused by driving without your headlights on.

[–]I_Climb_Most_Things 221 points222 points ago

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When I was very young I realized that you can't do shit without money.

[–][deleted] 77 points78 points ago

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In about fifth grade I thought about death for the first time. I wasn't really religious but our teacher was and she started talking about death for whatever reason. Meantioned eternal life in heaven or something and all I imagined was blackness forever. Scared the shit out of me at that age.

[–]ranalizorcy 61 points62 points ago

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It still scares the shit out of me..

[–]herpderp_roar 487 points488 points ago

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I think when I was 10 I broke my favorite vase and I tried to "turn back time" by closing my eyes and thinking really hard (I don't know what I was thinking back then). Anyways, after that ordeal, I learned that regretting would only waste my time since I can never turn back time and that instead, I should work on improving myself rather than grieving for my past mistakes.

[–]morphine12 963 points964 points ago

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...You had a favourite vase when you were 10?

[–]sturdycocopuff 674 points675 points ago

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He was going to put it in his breakfast nook.

[–]FriendOpportunity 35 points36 points ago

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I'm hoping my parents will get me the matching set of hand towels for christmas

[–]hagbardceline 295 points296 points ago

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It really tied that nook together...

[–]plaidrunner 193 points194 points ago

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That vase really tied the room together.

[–]joedogg 83 points84 points ago

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I did something similar with a vacuum and a ceramic cat when I was about 14. I "turned back time" with elmer's glue. Worked for about 3 days until mom noticed.

[–]they_call_me_dewey 68 points69 points ago

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This reminds me of a completely unrelated story.

I was at my friends house and we were cooking something on the stove, and when I set the spoon down in the little spoon holder thing (you know, the ceramic thing that you put the spoon on to keep it from getting the counter dirty), and it broke in half. Elmer's glue was not helping, so me and a different friend (not the one that lived there) just carefully placed it back on the counter and made it look like it wasn't broken. Turns out, about a week later she found out it was broken, and blamed it on my friend's mentally handicapped brother. Feels bad, man.

[–]magicbullets 191 points192 points ago*

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Dogs don't go on holidays. They got rid of the dog!

[–]Almost_a_Full_Moon 401 points402 points ago

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I was like 10, and i realized that the older you get, the more screwed up your family becomes.

[–]hammertimebustamove 695 points696 points ago

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The older you get, the more you realize how screwed up your family already is.

FTFY

[–]TheRiverOtter 101 points102 points ago

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At what age did you realize that your family was always screwed up, but either your parents hid it from you, or you were just too naive to notice? I don't think it happened to me until after 20.

[–]Almost_a_Full_Moon 50 points51 points ago

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It started when I was about 10. With every year, my parents hid less from me, I'm assuming they figured I was old enough to deal with certain things. So... i began noticing that my family got stranger with every passing year..

[–][deleted] 45 points46 points ago

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I'm 29, and it was only last year that my mother told me that my gay uncle in Frisco actually died of AIDS, not cancer. Not that it mattered - I'm Irish so I'd only met him like twice. I hadn't thought about him in years.

[–]Almost_a_Full_Moon 46 points47 points ago

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I hear ya. When I was 19 I found out my dad cheated on my mum with a guy, and thats why they divorced. And then that my dad was leaving his second wife for a guy named cliff. Ah, family.

[–]bowa 117 points118 points ago

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I'm Irish so I'd only met him like twice

Do the Irish only meet people a couple times?

[–]RonFrankMD 44 points45 points ago

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Yah, we ignore each other for ever other day of the year besides the 17th of march.

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points ago

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By Irish, I mean born and bred in Ireland. He died when I was about twelve, and I wasn't making a huge number of trips to San Francisco around that age.

[–]ReneeJade 151 points152 points ago*

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I wouldn't call it a realization so much as an idea. When I was about 5 or six, I was for a short while convinced that the whole Universe existed in someone's dreams, and that when he woke up, the Universe would cease to exist. I'm 95% sure that I came up with this all by myself. Shortly after that, I realized that trying to reason about the Universe itself, or anything beyond the Universe, is an endless task that can never go further than speculation.

[–]pcflynn89 32 points33 points ago

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Along these same lines....

I clearly remember at around age 5 I asked my mother how we knew that we were not all just part of a dream. How do I KNOW that I won't just wake up at one moment and start another REAL day.

The dream hasn't stopped yet so either sleeping takes a really long time OR I'm in a coma and have a particularly detailed imagination.

[–]beetnemesis 390 points391 points ago

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Hm. 5 years old, "...this Santa thing doesn't really make any sense."

[–]lundah 97 points98 points ago

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My grandpa would play "Santa" at the family Xmas gathering. Aside from my grandma always flubbing up after a few too many brandy slushes, it didn't take me long to put 2 and 2 together when grandpa always just missed Santa every. damn. year.

[–]freakscene 50 points51 points ago

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Santa had Grandma's handwriting.

[–]OsakaWilson 174 points175 points ago

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My parents were old, in their 40s when I was a kid. I recognized that the other kids parents were amazingly immature. The younger they were the stupider, less reliable and consistent, and more likely to get angry over little things they were.

[–]watashi-wa-kira 155 points156 points ago

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My dad was 40 when I was born, my mom close to that. I always noticed how much younger the other kids parents were, and how they would actually go out and do interesting things with more energy. I used to agonize myself over the fact that my parents would die a decade earlier than other parents. I guess my parents were more "stable" in a job sense, but their age has always worried me.

[–]seydar 72 points73 points ago

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I cried once when I was younger because my parents would be 60 when I went to college and I thought they'd be dead.

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points ago

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Thanks, bastard, I was 38 when my boy was born. Apparently I'm old now.

I can't tell you how much of a shit dad I'd have been in my twenties.

[–]eugenedubbed 32 points33 points ago

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I remember in fifth grade standing in the science lab looking at a moving model of the solar system while the teacher explained to the class the movement of all the heavenly bodies. When he explained that the moon always showed us the same face and said it just happened to spin right at that speed, I had a sudden epiphany.

I raised my hand and asked if the moon was heavier on that side. He very quickly told me no, that it just happened to spin that way. I was crushed. :(

I still remember the way my brain made the connection. It was a feeling of clarity that I got for an extended period only one time, during a game of chess that I OWNED. How can I get my brain to do that more?

[–]astamar 42 points43 points ago

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When I was about 11 or so it dawned on me that teachers don't know everything. I learned this when a bunch of my teacher's solutions or a test were horribly incorrect.

[–]ZoneGuy0 203 points204 points ago

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After about a year of trying in elementary school, I decided that it didn't matter what other people thought of me. I've stuck to that philosophy ever since.

[–]Sublimebro 134 points135 points ago

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I wish I learned that as early as you did.

[–]louderthanwords 46 points47 points ago

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I think I was 13 when I said "FUCK IT" to everything.

[–]InspiredByKITTENS 87 points88 points ago

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I was 22. It is never too late.

[–]caprican27 62 points63 points ago

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A lot of people are assholes, but that gives me no right to treat others terribly

[–]lookslikeabear 147 points148 points ago

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5 years old coloring. Realization. "Mom, is there a Santa Clause?" Mom, making dinner: "No." Coloring some more. "I guess then there is no Easter Bunny either." Mom: "Nope."

[–]WishiCouldRead 100 points101 points ago

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is there a Santa Clause?

You couldn't be more wrong.

[–][deleted] 92 points93 points ago

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I think I remember that documentary. They really got some great footage.

[–]nodicenoclay 240 points241 points ago*

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I remember sitting at Mass, age 6 or so, wondering why everyone came to church when no one believed it. My logic being that, as I wasn't convinced by it, there is no way all those grown-ups could have been.

EDIT: This was not a "LAWL CHRISTIANS R DUM!!1!!!" moment. I learned that people can believe different things when presented with the same information, and that I, as a reasonable being, could disagree with an authority figure (priest, parents, etc) on logical grounds.

[–]filefly 227 points228 points ago

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One time when I was about four or five years old, I asked my mother how many Communion wafers I'd have to have in order to eat a whole Jesus. She smacked me. :(

[–]SonataNo8 48 points49 points ago

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I'm gluten intolerant, my mom had to deal with me asking why I was allergic to Jesus. I never really got a good answer to that. At least I didn't get smacked, heh.

[–]RoxyMonoxide9 19 points20 points ago

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my dad always made a point of speaking calmly even in tense/argumentative situations. As a kid I tried applying this technique in situations where I was trying to get something, such as a new toy, from my mom. I was surprised how much easier it was to get something across or get my way by just controlling the tone of my voice.

As an adult, I still try my best to speak calmly during heated debates because it is truly surprising to me how much easier it is to communicate your point/needs to another person when you try not to raise your voice.

[–]leokl 39 points40 points ago

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When I realized I was going to die someday.

[–]merrakell 82 points83 points ago

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I remember being six years old and asking my mom where Barbies came from. She told me little kids in China made them and I promptly threw out all of them.

[–]WcJessen 116 points117 points ago

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Mommy is cheating on daddy : (

[–]OsakaWilson 32 points33 points ago

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It was Daddy in a Santa suit.

[–]learnebonics 146 points147 points ago

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Or Santa in a daddy suit.

[–]NovaeDeArx 47 points48 points ago

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Oh, great. Now Santa will always be somewhere between Buffalo Bill and a happy holiday Skin-Taker in my imagination.

Thanks, have an upvote.

[–]BadWolf359 75 points76 points ago

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That parents are not always right, and some (like my father) are abusive.

[–]wordsbyheart 18 points19 points ago

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I had a similar situation except it was my parents who stood up for me, not myself as you did. All of my teachers told my parents that I should be put on Ritalin but they refused to do so. I eventually grew out of it and became a great student, got by Bachelors and have had a great job for over 5 years now.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]sayaandtenshi 18 points19 points ago

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That's a fucked up teacher right there.

[–]ebg1313 58 points59 points ago

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I was six when I laughed at a dinner guest (roughly 25 or 30 years old) who asked my dad (Applied Math Major and VP of some tech company) why people don't just pump water back up into hydroelectric dams to get more electricity.

After I laughed my dad looked at me and asked "why did you laugh"? And I said: "We'll you can't make energy like that. Just like when I put a marbles track in a U format, the marble slows down because of all the sound it is giving off" (I didn't realize air resistance and all that, but I had the right idea). Nobody had taught that to me except for my toys.

Then my dad opened up the encyclopedia to the 2nd law of thermodynamics. It was hilarious the reaction the guest had. He swore I'd grow up to be an engineer or scientist. Which I did.

[–]BearPond 722 points723 points ago

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I began having existential questions pop up at around 12. Started when I was staring at a gap in between a door frame, and trying to comprehend that the nothingness of that gap was a thing, but it also wasn't a thing - but at the same time it was a nothing that was necessary to exist in order for there to be a something (the door). Then i made that gap into my imaginary friend, and started telling it things, then in a way I was praying to that gap, then I kind of replaced the concept of god with a gap, and then finally one day I realised how stupid it was to talk to a gap.

[–][deleted] 234 points235 points ago

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The God of the Gaps!