Are unattractive people actually attracted to their unattractive partners?

yeahright · 9 months

This may not answer your question but it's another perspective.

My husband was quite good looking when we married. Now he's nearly 300 pounds. I was pretty hot, too. But I've gained 50 myself. (Luckily I was very skinny to start and I carry a lot in the boobs.) Also, we're not ancient yet, but he's got some gray and I've got some lines when I smile that weren't there before.

It's been a long time. This didn't happen overnight. There was no "Oh shit! He's no longer attractive!" line that suddenly got crossed.

I love him and he's great as a father, we share interests, same sense of humor etc. Also, sex doesn't stagnate if you both put forth even a minimum of effort by trying something new or at least slightly different every so often. Thus, he and I each know exactly what to do (and not do) for the other's maximum enjoyment.

Yes there are times I come across an old picture & then glance at him and think "Dayummm...wtf happened?" I'm sure he has those moments too. More often I see him with the kids and I might not think "he's soooo hot" but I do think "that's just adorable." A different type of attractiveness, but it still makes me want to go over and love him up. And hugs and cuddles can still lead to sex. No need to play grabass all the time.

So yes, I'm attracted to him, and I believe he still is to me.

TL;DR you don't always start out unattractive; sometimes, you get old.

mmmTurkeyLeg · 9 months

Any girl immediately becomes slightly more attractive if she is willing to have sex with me.

smeenatchu · 9 months

I married someone who is not attractive by normal standards I suppose. But because I loved him so much, he was the most handsome person in the world to me. So it's subjective I think.

But now that we're getting divorced, I wish he would just get hit by a bus.

science_is_real · 9 months

Besides the subjectivity of physical attraction, there's the fact that someone can become more attractive to you over time once you get to know them and have feelings for them.

AmbroseB · 9 months

It's called the Matching hypothesis

HomelessGreg · 9 months

Ugly guy here. I've rarely been with girls that I have found attractive.

hyper4ctive · 9 months

Yes.

I do wedding photography on the side and one of the things that first bothered me when I got into it was hoping that the couple would at least be decent looking. It's much easier to photograph beautiful people than ugly ones.

After meeting various couples I've found that there can be so much chemistry between two people that you will actually see how beautiful they are together. It's hard to describe but when you see the way they look at each other you just know that there's no one else they'd rather be with.

lucasj · 9 months

Everyone sort of averages out on the attractiveness scale over the long-term, if you ask me. Even super hot people just start to look normal once you're used to them.

sazzlepops · 9 months

"The world is not full of Attractive People and Unattractive People. It’s full of people who are attractive to some and not to others."

algo_trader · 9 months

I dated a not so attractive girl for a few years. Thing was, she was the best I ever had in bed, completely eager to please. She was also smart and could hold an intelligent conversation.

Did I look at her on my arm and say damn she is hot? Nope. But I had no problem looking at her across the room and saying damn I can't wait to take that home tonight...

beyelzu · 9 months

OP, perhaps you should ask your gf?

rib-bit · 9 months

While there is a small percentage of men and women that are attractive to all, most people have their own preference.

I was in Vegas once for a stag -- 18 of us at a strip club -- it was then that I realized that everyone has their own type -- I couldn't believe some of the girls that my friends were paying for a dance.

heartsandspades · 9 months

Girl here. I can honestly say that my dating history shows I can get past just about any physical "flaw" (balding, overweight, too skinny, too tall, bad teeth, big glasses... Whatever) but I absolutely cannot get past a dull personality. I've dated some really attractive guys and some not so attractive guys. In reality it was their personality, sense of humor, and confidence that drew me to them in the first place - not looks.

I am not going to rate myself but I'd say I'm fairly average. Am I looking for someone who is about my level of attractiveness or higher? I couldn't really care less. Unless you have some major hygiene problems or something, I'm going after your brain with looks being a distant afterthought.

FallingSnowAngel · 9 months

Most beautiful woman to me had a wicked smile that meant she was about to destroy all my defenses. The intelligence in her eyes, the confidence in her walk - I didn't care she was a bit heavyset, she was the one I wanted to wake up next to in the morning, for the rest of my life.

Yes, we can find "unattractive people" beautiful.

One of the ugliest girls to me, was a model who used violence and her good looks to destroy people. She'd use her martial arts skills to force anyone she didn't like to defend themselves, then spread word of the fight among the local street gangs, omitting any hint of her own attacks...

We can be disgusted by the "beautiful people".

[deleted] · 9 months

beauty is really in eye of the beholder. what I precieve as unattractive might be drop dead gorgeous to others. I hope you get some better answers then this :)

Suomynona90375 · 9 months

[deleted]

[deleted] · 9 months

Yeah, except is there really a standard definition of 'unattractive' out there? I think if you are not legitimately deformed and once you are taking care of yourself and have good hygiene, there's someone out there for everyone.

apresmoiledeluge · 9 months

[deleted]

Paumanok · 9 months

My ex was far from a 10 but when i looked at her she was the most beautiful girl in the world. It's funny how that works. Before we dated and we were god friends i though she was kinda cute, not photogenic but cute in person. I fell in love with her a couple months into dating her and she was the most beautiful thing i've ever seen, even at her derpiest(hoody, loose jeans, hair messy)

HaroldOfTheRocks · 9 months

Water finds its own level.

Snakeyez · 9 months

I have more than once had a person go from being average, or even not finding them at all attractive...to blazingly beautiful every time I look at them. It's called infatuation, I suspect in some cases people spend their whole lives convinced they are with the handsomest/most beautiful person in the world

overts · 9 months

My opinion, I am not an "expert" on matters of love. Attraction generally is what starts a relationship. You are attracted to someone and then you get to know them and if you like them the relationship begins.

However sometimes you can get to know someone, like them, and even though you used to not find them attractive suddenly you do. In High School there were girls whom I never found attractive at all until they gave me the time of day. Having someone actually just pay attention to me would sometimes cause me to see them differently and create an attraction. Should note that I was a loser who was frequently picked on so having people pay attention to me and talk to me was a pretty big deal.

I think that physical attraction at best can just act as a catalyst for a relationship. Relationships that are centered around attraction don't work out and as you get to know someone and enjoy their personality they become far more attractive than they initially were.

anonymouse20 · 9 months

as i enter into a lifelong committed partnership, i am learning that there is a difference between a girl i am physically attracted to (that i want to fuck) and somebody i want to be in a long term relationship with...not necessarily mutually exclusive, but not the same thing either. its kind of basic, but i suppose this means i'm maturing as a dude

bef23 · 9 months

I've completely reversed my opinion of a lot of people's physical attractiveness. There are those who I once found really attractive but are barely a 1/10 in my book now. Then there are some people who I used to be completely unattracted to, but now find very physically attractive after getting to know them. It has less to do with a person's actual physical traits and more to do with your opinion/perception of them, especially over a long period of time.

DoctorCaptainPlanet · 9 months

There are more important things than physical appearance, in my opinion. Nobody is "perfect". You have to decide what is most important to you in a person. If they must be attractive, then realize that you might be sacrificing sanity, intelligence, requited love, etc.

I think that the "unattractive" more often find that there are more important things than beauty.

My husband was attracted to me and started a conversation with me at college. He was persistent and became my best friend. I developed feelings for the person he is and the more I fell in love with him, the more attractive to me he became.

[deleted] · 9 months

Sooner or later everyone gets ugly. You get old, you get fat, and your skin starts to sag and look shitty. Even if you manage to not get fat, everything still starts to fall. You get health problems. Moles. And oh boy, isn't BenGay the sexiest smell evar? So you're better to choose your mate based on someone who is kind, smart, and you enjoy spending time with.

To answer your question though, water from the hose out back is great when you are thirsty. Sure you'd rather have the fancy spring water from the bottle in the fridge poured over ice in the real nice/clean glass. But that's just not available to everyone, and you gotta drink something ya know?

sleeveofheart · 9 months

There aren't any unattractive people in the complete sense of the word. There are only people who are unattractive to a certain person.

Not everyone judges external appearance based solely on external appearance. Maybe people who love someone's character, personality, accomplishments, etc., see that person as attractive when they look at that person's external appearance even if other people who don't know or like that person don't feel the same way.

safer · 9 months

Michael: Could it be love?

GOB: I know what an erection feels like, Michael!

My point being that there's more to attraction than just flesh

jungletek · 9 months

When a man has charm, charisma, a sense of humor, intelligence, and also happens to share my interests, he doesn't have to look like Brad Pitt to keep my attention.

Also, as an average-looking girl I can't rely on a smokin-hot body to get a man, so I have to have skills rather than looks--which tend to keep a man better than looking like a super model.

bigelmofarts · 9 months

I think a better question is, Are attractive people actually attracted to their unattractive partners?

Auberiah · 9 months

Yes. People tend to date people whom they feel are on the same "level" of attractiveness as they are. I can't think of what the theory is off the top of my head, but it is a legitimate theory I learned about in one of my communications classes last semester.

Ghostshirts · 9 months

as a graduate of Handsome Boy Modeling School i can tell you that unattractive people make me sick. my modeling name is Sparkles.

[deleted] · 9 months

Non-ugly girl here. I dated this guy who was UGLY. As I got to know him, I started thinking that he was the hottest guy in the world - even his droopy eyes and weird forehead became super attractive to me. The day I started thinking he looked ugly, I realized I didn't like him anymore.

pamplemouse · 9 months

Unattractive people will tend to hang out with other unattractive people. Once they get to know each other they will become physically attracted to that person, even though they are objectively unattractive. I didn't understand this until it happened to me. My gf is objectively average looking, but every time I see her I can feel a spike of warmth and happiness in my brain that makes her look like she's a glowing angel. I know it sounds totally sappy. But now when I see an ugly couple walking hand in hand, I can totally understand why they are so happy. Shallow Hal is actually right on the nose.

The flip side is that I now realize I was a shallow moron my entire life. It's like I've discovered a cheat code for relationships.

Meet women who are your type regardless of looks.
Ask them out. Your odds of getting a date with plain women are much, much higher, so rejection isn't a problem anymore.
Forget about looks and just get to know her as a person.
If you click and she's your type of awesome, she will magically appear gorgeous to you.
Live happily ever after.

[deleted] · 9 months

It's 'cause of the mermaid theory. It was 300 years ago: Sailors stuck at sea would get desperate for female companionship. It got so bad, that eventually the manatees out in the water started to look like beautiful women. Mermaids.

You see, every woman, no matter how initially repugnant, has a "mermaid clock," the time it takes for you to realize that you want to bone her.

PepeAndMrDuck · 9 months

Like old people. Does the wrinkly skin of old people ever actually attract other nasty wrinkly old people? My grandma is over 85 and she has a boyfriend who is just as old and to the best of my knowledge they do it all the time.

Any old people want to answer this question?

ButthurtForeverAlone · 9 months

Attractive people tend to be pretentious douchebags. That's why I like nerdy girls who play Starcraft 2 and browse Reddit.

Jtownsend · 9 months

How the hell do you determine if someone is unattractive? That's completely biased towards your own perception of what beauty is.

As an example: A tonne of people tell me that Angelina Jolie is extremely pretty, a very classic sort of beautiful, but I find her odd looking and to be honest, I'm not attracted to her in any way.

When dealing with something with such a broad definition, I don't think you can answer that question properly.

mlerner · 9 months

I can honestly say, pretty much everything in this thread is the truth. It's all how you see someone.

With that in mind, the one woman I loved more than anyone wasn't a supermodel but she had the most beautiful mind and soul. To get to the point, she is now engaged to someone else so physical appearance means absolutely nothing.

puddlejumper · 9 months

When you become attracted to a persons personality, it is everything about that person that you like, especially the flaws, because that's what makes them, them.

EZReader · 9 months

Yes.

luxe115 · 9 months

I am in love with a man that is 21 yrs older than me (i'm 35, he 56). He is not the "standard" attractive, but I can't keep my hands off him. I look aiiight. The only standard of measure I have is that i still get whistled at and don't have to pay for drinks.

Genericpenisjoke · 9 months

I fell in love with a plain looking girl. As time went on, she grew to be more attractive. It wasn't just an "our personalities are growing closer" type of thing. She actually physically changed through time--she became more attractive. The outside world agreed.

Does this answer your question? Uh... I dunno.

vampyres32 · 9 months

What is attractive vs unattractive? Who defines this, I personally find a wicked sense of humor more attractive then a "perfect body, perfect face" example, had this fling, for the sake of this topic we will call him douche bag. Girls always called him hot, I couldn't stand him long enough to make him more then a brief fling. Then I had another guy, I still adore him, hes tall, skinny and a total geek, generally not what most would widely consider sexy, I still consider him more sexy then the douche bag. FYI, I am not exactly unattractive myself, this isn't coming from ego, my looks attraction level is great, I just start talking and generally trip people out enough they run like hell.

dizneedave · 9 months

I wasn't attracted to my SO at all when we met. We spent a lot of time together, got to know each other, found things in common. I found myself looking at her in a different light after a while, and now I wouldn't trade her for the world. She mentioned once that she didn't quite understand what I saw in her, but that was a long time ago. I think she's become more beautiful as time goes by, and I've just gotten older...so we're a pretty good match.

tetzy · 9 months

"Attractive" is subjective.

Hollywood doesn't care for rubanesque Women - I secretly yearn...

incorrect_fact · 9 months

As a beautiful person, I cannot comment.

grahamsmacker · 9 months

I dated a lot of people before I got married, and they varied pretty wildly on the attractiveness scale. Some ware gorgeous and others were plain.

You are a fool if you pick relationships based on looks. There is much more to a person than their shell, and you are missing out on the amazing depth of the human species.

It concerns me how superficial we are becoming.

accioveritaserum · 9 months

I'm waiting for the day everyone will realize that beauty is relative. Just because they're ugly to you, doesn't mean everyone thinks that. Same for the opposite. I've found plenty of people attractive that friends would say "what? really? gross." I'm not understanding why people don't get this.

tearsofeve · 9 months

Honestly - let me start by saying I'm not hot shit or anything - but I will tell you that over my dating life, the guy I loved the most was not that attractive. I dated him for a couple of years, and it was the most devestating breakup I have had. I would say he was the least conventionally attractive person I have ever dated. During our relationship, the friend who hooked us up openly told me "i don't think he's used to dating girls who look like you" - and I remember another friend openly telling me "I don't get what you see in him".

I, on the other hand, was freakishly in love with him. Looking back, conventional attractiveness wasn't there, but I seriously loved everything about him. I think he might have been the love of my life, and I'm not sure I will ever feel that way again.

So, fuck attractiveness, love can't be explained. It makes no sense, and it's not supposed to.

Kage2021 · 9 months

This question is fucking stupid. There are more things that influence attraction than looks. You start by looking at a person inside and out, and how happy they make you. I am ashamed of my own gender...

m0r3sl33p · 9 months

I understand that society and the media teach us to assign a lot of value to physical appearance, but are you really this un - selfaware? Grow up and accustom yourselves to the full spectrum of human emotion and personal value.

NoMoreNicksLeft · 9 months

Yeh, exactly! Why don't unattractive people just kill themselves? Certainly if the girl is less than a 10, when you sink your dick into her quivering pussy it feels like you're fucking a box of broken glass and lemon-jalapeno juice! It's not like you could ever like anyone for being a person anyway, they're all just faces... and most of them ugly. This is also why attractive people should kill themselves when they reach age 35... they're too old to get someone attractive, and anyone they already have is getting old and ugly too.

[deleted] · 9 months

No girl is ugly with my dick in her mouth.

Drewboy64 · 9 months

I think so. Well first personality can play a huge part, but I also think what people see as beautiful in others reflects themselves maybe? I used to be fat, and I had standards where I was attracted to larger girls (not that being larger=uglier, but that's generally the standard here). But when I lost weight, I lost that attraction.

zombiegodzilla · 9 months

nope

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