What's Your Favorite Monty Python Quote?

somenobby · 1 year

"Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."

brentlewiis · 1 year

"how shall we fuck off, o lord?"

AKidNamedGabe · 1 year

She turned me into a newt!
... I got better.

Dolomite808 · 1 year

"This is an ex-parrot! It has ceased to be. It is no more."

emilyhoward · 1 year

I will not buy this record. It is scratched. My hoovercraft is full of eeles.

H37man · 1 year

It is long but this is my favorite.

What have the Romans ever given us?

Reg: They've bled us white, the bastards. They've taken everything we had, not just from us, from our fathers and from our fathers' fathers. Stan: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers. Reg: Yes. Stan: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers. Reg: All right, Stan. Don't labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return? Xerxes: The aqueduct. Reg: Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That's true. Masked Activist: And the sanitation! Stan: Oh yes... sanitation, Reg, you remember what the city used to be like. Reg: All right, I'll grant you that the aqueduct and the sanitation are two things that the Romans have done... Matthias: And the roads... Reg: (sharply) Well yes obviously the roads... the roads go without saying. But apart from the aqueduct, the sanitation and the roads... Another Masked Activist: Irrigation... Other Masked Voices: Medicine... Education... Health... Reg: Yes... all right, fair enough... Activist Near Front: And the wine... Omnes: Oh yes! True! Francis: Yeah. That's something we'd really miss if the Romans left, Reg. Masked Activist at Back: Public baths! Stan: And it's safe to walk in the streets at night now. Francis: Yes, they certainly know how to keep order... (general nodding)... let's face it, they're the only ones who could in a place like this.

(more general murmurs of agreement) Reg: All right... all right... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order... what have the Romans done for us? Xerxes: Brought peace! Reg: (very angry, he's not having a good meeting at all) What!? Oh... (scornfully) Peace, yes... shut up!

Spacedoubt · 1 year

Your wife. Does she go? Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more... Does she, eh? Does she go? Is she a "goer?" I bet she does, say no more.

sternje · 1 year

Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam; spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam, or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.

DS9_fan · 1 year

New Mother: Is it a boy or a girl? Obstretrician: I think it's a bit early to start imposing roles on it, don't you?

DrWallyHayes · 1 year

No. 1: the larch.

turdz · 1 year

All I said was, "This halibut is good enough for Jehovah!". HE SAID IT!!! Look you are only making it worse for yourself. "Worse for myself?? How could it be any worse?! Jehovah Jehovah Jehovah!!"

serume · 1 year

I fart in your general direction.

richtert · 1 year

And now for something completely different.

G_Comstock · 1 year

Brian: Excuse me. Are you the Judean People's Front? Reg: Fuck off! We're the People's Front of Judea.

40oz2freedom · 1 year

Not really a specific quote but the whole 'upperclass twit of the year' sketch nearly made me die the first time I saw it

makanguru · 1 year

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

makanguru · 1 year

RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

csmark · 1 year

Hello! I wish to register a complaint.

Any derivation there-of throws me into a fit of suppressed giggles.

tobidammit · 1 year

Why is it, the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty...

...de von Ausfern -Schplenden -Schlitter -Crasscrenbon -Fried -Digger -Dangle -Dungle -Dongle -Burstein -von -Knacker -Thrasher -Applebanger -Horowitz -Ticolensic -Grander -Knotty -Spelltinkle -Grandlich -Grumblemeyer -Spelterwasser -Kürstlich -Himbleeisen -Bahnwagen -Gutenabend -Bitte -Eine -Nürnberger -Bratwurstle -Gerspurten -Mit -Zweimache -Luber -Hundsfut -Gumberaber -Schönendanker -Kalbsfleisch -Mittler -Raucher von Hautkopf of Ulm.

[deleted] · 1 year

Tis merely a flesh wound..

giggsey · 1 year

One day, lad, all this will be yours.

What, the curtains?

sorryDontUnderstand · 1 year

NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise... ruthless efficiency... an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... and nice red uniforms... damn!

Nice_Marmot · 1 year

Brian: Please, please, please listen! I've got one or two things to say.
Crowd:Tell us! Tell us both of them!
Brian: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for your selves! You're ALL individuals!
Crowd: Yes! We're all individuals!
Brian: You're all different!
Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!
Lone Man: I'm not...
Crowd: SHHHHhh!

Drunken_Mouse · 1 year

Brave Sir Robin ran away. Bravely ran away away. When danger reared it's ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled. Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about And gallantly he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet, He beat a very brave retreat. Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin!

logantauranga · 1 year

ALBATROSS

cooter__1 · 1 year

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

olafthebent · 1 year

Tim: I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it?

pegothejerk · 1 year

Aaaauugggh.

suplusHP · 1 year

Doctor, me brain urts.

thesatsui · 1 year

NOT THE COMFY CHAIR!!!

not_vichyssoise · 1 year

Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

snapshotsmiley · 1 year

Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge... tracts of land.

Ericsabusedliver · 1 year

God:Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy"...

Ionio · 1 year

Pretty much the whole Woody and Tinny words sketch... Gorn

andrewsmith1986 · 1 year

Always look on the bright side of life

jkeele9a · 1 year

From the Vocational Guidance Counselor Skit:

"Yes, a hat. A lion taming hat. A hat with 'lion tamer' on it. I got it at Harrods. And it lights up saying 'lion tamer' in great big neon letters, so that you can tame them after dark when they're less stroppy."

spindlykillerfish · 1 year

"It's a 'Mr. Death' or something. He's come about the reaping. I don't think we need any at the moment."

giggsey · 1 year

I cut down trees. I wear high heels,

Suspendies, and a bra.

I wish I'd been a girlie,

Just like my dear Papa.

rushaz · 1 year

ALL RIGHT!! I AM THE MESSIAH!!!! NOW F**K OFF!!!!!!

bdubaya · 1 year

I wonder where that fish could be? It is a most elusive fish...

And it went.... wherever I... did go...

awesomeideas · 1 year

Burn her anyway!

KoalaBomb · 1 year

The whole Bigus Dickus skit made me laugh uncontrollably.

Stickboy6891 · 1 year

"Voom? That bird wouldn't voom if you put 4 million volts through it!"

Plattnerite · 1 year

"Thank you Brigitte. Well, it's nothing special. Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations. And finally, here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and to hopefully spark some sort of controversy which it seems is the only way these days to get the jaded video-sated public off their fucking arses and back in the sodding cinema. Family entertainment bollocks! What they want is filth, people doing things to each other with chainsaws during tupperware parties, babysitters being stabbed with knitting needles by gay presidential candidates, vigilante groups strangling chickens, armed bands of theatre critics exterminating mutant goats - where's the fun in pictures? Oh well, there we are - here's the theme music. Goodnight."

sorryDontUnderstand · 1 year

Ah I see! You have the machine that goes PING!

nastynarwhal · 1 year

And I thought to myself, 'a little fermented curd will do the trick'. So I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles.

drivesleepless · 1 year

I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us and dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah.

KeekedOut · 1 year

what are you going to do, bleed on me??

LordEnigma · 1 year

A year passed: winter changed into spring, spring changed into summer, summer changed back into winter, and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn

MultipleGodgasm · 1 year

Lemon curry???

jawoodio · 1 year

I'm Brian, and so's my wife

giggsey · 1 year

This has to be the first reddit thread where I've upvoted every single reply.

fletchem · 1 year

Ni (repeatedly)

gthermonuclearw · 1 year

Caribou... GONE!

funkymatt · 1 year

"My hovercraft is full of eels." and from the same episode: "My nipple explode with delight!

cm1745 · 1 year

"A DUCK!"

princessbitchtits · 1 year

The entire spam skit

"Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it"

Magma42 · 1 year

It's stupid and completely devoid of any context, but during the bit where they're discussing taxing "thingy," and nobody understands what "thingy" is at first, and its just something in the way Graham says "Poo-poos?!" (at about the 3:00 mark in the linked video) in this grave and horrified tone, cracks me right the hell up.

Also: "The Bishop!!"

cooter__1 · 1 year

Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then?
The Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king.
Large Man with Dead Body: Why?
The Dead Collector: He hasn't got shit all over him.

no_more_pie · 1 year

Fuck off, I'm full!

pocketjunkie · 1 year

What is your favorite color?

ichorNet · 1 year

A lot but "What sad times are these when passing ruffians can say NI! at will to old ladies..." always gets me.

macksufi · 1 year

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving, revolving at nine hundred miles an hour.

That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned, a sun that is the source of all our power.

The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see are moving at a million miles a day in an outer spiral arm at forty thousand miles an hour, in the galaxy we call the Milky Way.

been my ringtone for years, so I don't know the rest so well.

[deleted] · 1 year

Look you stupid bastard, you haven't got any arms!

Just a scratch.

lefschetz · 1 year

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant

Who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar

Who could think you under the table.

David Hume could out-consume

Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine

Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya

'Bout the raising of the wrist.

Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,

On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.

Plato, they say, could stick it away--

Half a crate of whisky every day.

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.

Hobbes was fond of his dram,

And René Descartes was a drunken fart.

'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,

A lovely little thinker,

But a bugger when he's pissed.

turkeypants · 1 year

He's a wobbah!

And a wapist!

...

(and a pickpocket!)

jammy_fred · 1 year

Pretty much the whole of 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail'

flamingeyebrows · 1 year

'Help help. I am being repressed.'

[deleted] · 1 year

Can't you tell by my outrageous accent!!

roastedbeef · 1 year

"I'LL BITE YER LEGS OFF!"

kcg5 · 1 year

"Sit on my face", the song

phathiker · 1 year

"Oh shit! Its Mr. Creosote!"

indifference_engine · 1 year

my hovercraft is full of eels

ToadShortage · 1 year

"It's wafer thin."

Alceraptor · 1 year

"DON'T STAND THERE GAWPING LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE HAND O' GOD BEFORE!" "Shut up! Shut up, you American. You always talk, you Americans, you talk and you talk and say 'Let me tell you something' and 'I just wanna say this.' Well, you're dead now, so shut up." "How shall we fuck off, oh Lord?"

snapshotsmiley · 1 year

"Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long."

no_more_pie · 1 year

THE LARCH

bjmycroft · 1 year

He's NOT the Messiah - He's a very naughty boy, Now PISS OFF!

Hercules_Rockefeller · 1 year

"I believe that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people in this country are fed-up with being sick and tired. I know I'm not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am."

wheatley_cereal · 1 year

Come back here! I can still bite your legs off!

Ludicrous_Slim · 1 year

"Oooh, intercourse the penguin!" So many other better ones here, but this has always had a special place in my heart.

Also, this is my first post on reddit :)

[deleted] · 1 year

WELL I DIDN'T VOTE FOR HIM

pearlforrester · 1 year

"No, no, nein! I was not head of Gestapo at ALL!...I make joke."

[deleted] · 1 year

"What's the matter? Never seen the foot of God before?"

dragoneye · 1 year

American beer like making love in a canoe. It's fucking close to water.

s1ntax · 1 year

The script from "And now for something completely different" right through to "The meaning of life".

steves_throwaway · 1 year

Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

[deleted] · 1 year

M: An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.

O: No it isn't!

M: Yes it is! 'tisn't just contradiction.

O: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position!

M: Yes but it isn't just saying 'no it isn't'.

O: Yes it is!

M: No it isn't!

safftw · 1 year

The entire bit of the Roman guard chastising the grammar in Brian's latin graffiti; or the Biggus Dickus bit when the entire troupe is fighting the urge to crack up in rl.

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