Why are America men very distance from there friends? If you put you arm around their shoulder they say "WTF ARE YOU GAY?!?!"

GAMEchief · 1 year

I'm secure with my sexuality. As a straight male, I hug on and walk with my arm around my male friends. It's certainly not the American social norm. As discussed in my Sociology class, the difference is not about "wtf are you gay," but about private space. "You're in my bubble." We don't like anyone, male or female, to be in our bubble. The exception, of course, is for sex, which is likely why it's often associated with homosexuality for two males to be close. However, a female rubbing up on you in a non-sexual way is generally viewed as just as uncomfortable in America.

Mesquite_Skeet_Skeet · 1 year

We do bro hugs in America, which I think originated in hiphop culture.

1) Greet your friend by grasping his hand similar to a handshake.

2) Pull the other guy in with that arm.

3) Wrap other arm around his back in a hug, while the original hand is still in between yall.

And that's how we do in the U.S.

clevemire · 1 year

It's just a cultural thing. Holding hands is not a thing that two good male friends typically do in America, so two guys holding hands are probably a gay couple.

SriLanka · 1 year

lol i failed hard on grammar.

elucubra · 1 year

Spaniard here:

With family adult males, cheek kissing is almost the rule. It is sometimes done with very close or longtime friends. I guess it denotes tight bond.

Handholding between males is only done child- adult ( exception noted of some folk dances).

Arm over shoulder very common among buddies, or drinking partners when sauntering from bar to bar.

Wee keep less interpersonal distance while talking than many cultures, and we usually lightly touch in various non-threatening manners to punctuate or emphasize ( usually the forearm, the upper arm ,or the shoulder)

boothkid · 1 year

I really doubt my group of friends is unique in this, but we're not averse to a hug as a standard greeting. A few of my buddies picked me up at the (very crowded) air port when I was coming home from Afghanistan.

They all got huge hugs!

An arm around the shoulder isn't uncommon. We're all really close and have been since middle school. I guess we just don't care what people think.

Like I said, I don't think we're unique in this. You just have to see past the stereotypical portrayal of American men.

Edit: adverse ≠ averse

sheerheartattack · 1 year

There are cultures where men lock arms and one of them leans on the other one as they walk down the street. When I saw it the first time in Turkey I was quite surprised, until my friend explained to me that it's a eastern Turkey tradition and it just means the guy is telling the other guy "You're my brother and I lean on you for support"

I think American men are so bombarded with manliness and machismo through media that they're just scared of being called gay, cause you know, if someone calls you gay, it makes you instantly gay.

brodicius · 1 year

I'm Australian. I go to a school whose students are almost entirely immigrants; I've observed the whole holding hands thing and other such gestures. At first, I was rather taken aback, assuming that the homosexual population at my school was, for some reason, a lot higher than usual. Male friends are regularly seen holding hands, arms around one another, sitting on each other's laps etc. I've gotten used to this, I wouldn't even notice it as out of the ordinary.

There's a kind of odd clashing though; when someone, from a culture in which this is the norm, is friends with someone whose culture does not contain such gestures, this tends to result in one feeling rather uncomfortable and the other thinking they're disliked.

I don't know why exactly this in friendships doesn't exist in our culture, I suspect it's due to homosexuals having had (and, to an extent, still do have) the status they had.

iliketv · 1 year

There is a lot of stilly homophobia on the part of Americans but surprisingly a lot of the pressure against straight physical closeness is from gays and people who are perfectly fine with gays. You'll often hear about two straight guys that are close being "latently gay" or someone will say "C'mon, those guys are just closeted". It's really sad that men can't experience the closest kind of straight friendship because of stupid views from all sides.

Kylde · 1 year

that would feel very strange to do here in the UK too! Why would I want to hold another man's hand?

zwangaman · 1 year

I went to sri lanka this summer and i saw two of my old friends holding hands as they where riding their bikes and they are not gay.

WTF? While riding bikes? I wouldn't think of holding my girlfriends hand while riding bikes. It just seems very unsafe.

I'm not knocking it, it just seems very, very odd to me.

SaratogaCx · 1 year

We like our space and we have plenty of it, don't crowd us.

jawndisease · 1 year

It's funny, in India two men can hold hands but a man can't hold hands with a woman

DesCo83 · 1 year

Meh, I think it just depends who your friends are. I met up with some friends at a rooftop bar on Thur, and on greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and cupping my ass. He lingered just a little longer than I would have preferred, but I know it's just because he cares.

[deleted] · 1 year

I don't hold hands with my guy friends, but I don't see anything wrong with a hug.

pfennigweise · 1 year

I don't mind an arm over the shoulder, as long as you keep your face away from mine. I assume the reason is that I use this move to kiss women.

Holding hands? No fuckin' way

stivinladria · 1 year

It was hard for me to get used to at first. With my male friends in Argentina we greet each other with a kiss on the cheek and a half-ass hug. Whenever I find myself in the States I have to struggle to remind myself not to kiss my male friends.

Although now I've made some pretty cool friends who are totally into that, so I guess it's no longer fair to say that all guys in the US are homophobic in that manner.

Transceiver · 1 year

Can a man hold the hand of a female friend (not wife or girlfriend) in those countries?

moorio · 1 year

It's quite different in Kazakhstan. You could be munching on some guys nuts and still not be considered gay unless you both put on a ceremonial sash and climb up the tallest tree in the village together.

epicviking · 1 year

I am an american man and I can confidently say I am straight. T hat said I have put my arms around plenty of guys, grabbed more man asses than girl asses, and have come dangerously close to making out with a friend on a dare (grabbed his face with my hands to cover up the fact that our lips never met, party was still briefly convinced). Man hugs are de rigeur with certain friends. Its just a matter of not giving a fuck.

s_i_leigh · 1 year

Canadian here, but most of our mannerisms are very similar (I'm only about a 20 min drive from the border).

In North America, we love our space. We spend almost all of our money to have a big spacious house, with a big spacious yard, with a big driveway for our big SUV's, F150's, and full-sized sedans. The most common thing that a North American will notice about a European (or any foreigner) is that they talk way too close to your face.

We find it scary. I can even remember in grade school, where we learned that it was rude to be in someones personal space, which was defined by putting your arms out, and if your fingertips could touch, you were in violation of that person's personal space.

By this same logic, actual physical contact has extremely large meaning. I can't think of any situation where I would find it appropriate to hug someone other than a significant other or family, and the family would need to be under an unusual condition (usually when I haven't seen them in a long time).

Holding hands is right out with the exception of a romantic gesture or a parent leading their child by the hand. (If a teacher did this, they could be called a pedophile, just for a frame of reference)

dirtyuncleron69 · 1 year

You can exploit this weakness. My friends and I do all kinds of fun shit, like man-dancing, groping, or holding hands , and it definitely gets strange looks at the bar. You can clear an entire dance floor in the US by having 4+ guys dancing together, it's quite hilarious.

mobyhead1 · 1 year

I once worked for a Korean company. Occasionally, a couple of Korean men who were friends might hold hands.

AshNazg · 1 year

16 year old here. Among some American kids now-a-days, 'man-hugs' and general male-male affection has gotten really popular, commonplace, and it's not really a big deal for our youth. We put our arm over a buddy's shoulder all the time, too. It might be counterculturalism or something, but I think that our generation is going to catch up to the rest of the world in terms of affection between two males.

powercow · 1 year

being a huge minority, gays have a hard enough time finding other gays, they will often use certain mannerisms to advertise that they are gay. Their gait, their speech, their body language and holding hands with other guys. I would not like to oppress gays further than they have already been in this country by removing one of their methods of advertising for a mate.

Sounds better than homophobia anyways.

andrewsmith1986 · 1 year

I don't mind arm over my shoulder or the occasional hug.

Holding hands is just fucking weird.

I will ride on handlebars anytime though.

fuscus · 1 year

There's a fair amount of variation even in the United States. Most of my heterosexual male friends are completely comfortable with extended hugs ("masculine" back-patting not required) and general physical contact (like hands on shoulders) and sometimes fine with holding hands. Generally, hand-holding is used in conjunction with locking eye contact in a one-on-one conversation to demonstrate that both parties are invested and interested rather than distracted by the surroundings.

Tarkaan · 1 year

Why do you kiss them in France?

ParisKid · 1 year

Holding hands is one thing, giving someone a friendly hug around their backs is another. Nevertheless, I do think friendships in the states tend to be not as solid as in Europe.

fatmalcontent · 1 year

Yet strangely, Sri Lanka has LAWS AGAINST HOMOSEXUALITY - http://www.unhcr.org/refworld/country,,,QUERYRESPONSE,LKA,4562d8cf2,47ce6d7d2d,0.html , while homosexuality is legal and we're working toward gay marriage here in the States.

Homosexuality is illegal in Sri Lanka (AI July 2006; Freedom House 2006; WSG n.d.a). Under Section 365A of the country's penal code, homosexual acts are punishable by a jail term of up to ten years (Gay Times n.d.; see also AI July 2006). According to the website of Women's Support Group (WSG), a Sri Lankan non-governmental organization (NGO) and "the first women's group in Sri Lanka to dedicate itself to issues of lesbians, bisexual women and transgendered persons," prior to 1995, this law applied only to homosexual men (n.d.a). However, in 1995, the law was amended to be "gender-neutral," resulting in the criminalization of both male and female homosexual activity (WSG n.d.a).

So yeah, I'll stick with not holding hands with other dudes and letting gay people do their thing legally, thanks.

[deleted] · 1 year

I'm comfortable with my sexuality, so I can put an arm around a buddy, give him a hug and I don't have a problem.

conceptualworm · 1 year

American Here. I'm perfectly fine with physical touch. I hug my close guy friends. I also will clasp there shoulder as I walk by and to mess with them i also touch their ear. However I do have a few close guy friends where physical touch makes them uncomfortable due to some events in their past. I kindly refrain from physical contact with them out of respect.

howiez · 1 year

And yet when American's play sports they always seem to need to slap each others ass.

DevilsHandyman · 1 year

It's the same in India. They are very close and they are not gay. They also do not feel the need for as much personal space as we seem to require either. It's difficult to adjust to but I think they have it right. We are too stand offish.

SuavePotato · 1 year

I blame it on the schools. You are taught from a very young age that touching is inappropriate..

Rafi89 · 1 year

How are we supposed to hold hands when we've got a beer in one hand and a gun in the other?

sczmbz · 1 year

Sounds like you're a Mets fan...

TheMadStork · 1 year

The trick is to cup his balls ever so gently. Too rough and you're liable to receive a negative response.

foxanon · 1 year

Listen here boyo. Straight men in America are the most sexually repressed people ever. Anything that women or gay men like they cannot openly like for fear of being called gay.

Straight men are so cute in this manner.

pclamer · 1 year

SRI LANKAN STOLE MY BIKE

Howard_Beale · 1 year

Holding hands in America has traditionally indicated a familial or romantic relationship. Friends don't generally walk hand-in-hand. That has changed somewhat in the last 10 years. Specifically for younger girls. Boys and men don't hold hands, unless they are in a romantic relationship.

ShampocalypseWOW · 1 year

In Korea it's like that too. You'll often see boys pretty much hanging on each other. Drunk Korean men really like Americans and love hanging all over me when I'm at a bar with some of them present. It's really, really, really awkward. One time a dude even kissed my cheek. Not even joking. I'm all for being socially accepting, but damn that shit's gay.

sqlinjector · 1 year

In SriLanka men hold hands to show they like each other. Ib Capitalist America men punch each other to show they like each other.

tangoshukudai · 1 year

Depends on the guy. I am not that way, but I also am not a homophobe. It also depends on the guy, if you try it with a jock type guy you will get that reaction. But in general all my friends love man hugs.

DobleK86 · 1 year

Guys in America do it. You ever seen a group of bros hanging out, drinking beers, slapping each other on the ass? Or making some sort of inappropriate "gay" action or comment toward one of their friends and just laughing it off? For many American males, they can't reconcile their innate desire to physically yet non-sexually show their affection for other males with their preening machismo. So many times, they'll simply do it under the guise of pretending to be gay "for the laughs." As long as you're presumably doing it as a joke and not out of any real expression of emotion, you can still be the stereotypical alpha male.

My best friends in college were from the Indian subcontinent, and I always wondered that myself. I think that showing physical, nonsexual affection for a friend is very gratifying. So many studies have been performed lauding the effectiveness of physical touch as a source of happiness, satisfaction and calm.

NOACeulemans · 1 year

In America and much of Western Europe, we like to put a great deal of emphasis on 'personal space'. We may put our arms around people in pictures, but never at any other time.

kabukistar · 1 year

In Korea, men can walk around with their arms over eachother shoulders, holding hands, or even with pinkies linked. Same with women. Nobody will even consider that they might be gay.

andy-donia · 1 year

It's fear. There is nothing that most American men (i.e., the gun-totin', tea-baggin', nascar-racin' contingent) are more frightened of than being publicly called out as being gay. It's basically same as being thought a child molester in their minds.

videogamechamp · 1 year

Americans are plagued with a fear of being labeled homosexual, which causes them to act supermasculine all the time. It's silly.

[deleted] · 1 year

A lot of American men are fucking idiots. I'll hug a guy any time.

[deleted] · 1 year

I don't like to be touched by anyone except my wife.

freedomgeek · 1 year

I, as an Australian man, am happy with this distance. I don't feel comfortable touching a person I'm not attracted to.

Carambar · 1 year

Hand holding ? Never saw something like this in Europe.

kitchensync · 1 year

I'm just going to go out on a limb and say: holding hands with another man is pretty gay, and not necessary to show your friendship. That's why people think it's gay.

elmariachi304 · 1 year

It's hard to generalize about "American" men. I live in NY and feel comfortable giving another male friend I haven't seen a while a "hello-hug". The same might not apply in Alabama.

Godon · 1 year

I'd say most of my man-friends get an arm around the shoulder occasionally. Or, more typically, a brutal beating to let them know I care. However, holding hands with a man? I don't even like holding hands with my girlfriend, but were I to hold hands with a male I don't think I could claim heterosexuality with any conviction.

fliptonic · 1 year

the second I saw this title I thought of Sri Lanka.

Those people fucking rock.

ssjaken · 1 year

question is, if you put your arm around your friends shoulder, are YOU GAY?????????

flapcats · 1 year

Turkish guy friends sometimes hold hands and it's normal to kiss cheeks. Cultural thing for sure.

Actually, in Turkey you're only considered gay if you're in the 'passive' (receiving) position, the guy with his penis in you is not gay.

Avertr · 1 year

My close friends and I hug when we haven't seen each other in awhile. Or if there is something emotional is going on. As a male though I really only hold hands with my girlfriend and with my family.

someprimetime · 1 year

Holding hands while riding bikes? How the fuck is that even possible? Were they riding a tandem?

kobescoresagain · 1 year

I disagree with this. My friends and I hug and shake hands. Sure we don't skip down the street together, but our bond is stronger than many.

danman183 · 1 year

I blame the youth. We used to hold hands all the way to the airport bathroom until them kids showed up with their damnskateboards and their Brokeback Mountain movies. Damn kids. No respect.

WritingImplement · 1 year

Depends how comfortable you are with your straightness, if you are straight. Half my coworkers think I'm in a gay relationship with the other half of my coworkers because I think there's nothing wrong with hugging a dude and they apparently do.

lossallclue · 1 year

In the United Arab Emirates, man hold hands all the time. Also, when greeting each other, men will bring their noses together.

gnomey · 1 year

I won't hold hands but I'm cool with hugging for sure and walking around with arms around each other. Especially if I am drunk/high. I've had people ask if I'm gay which makes no sense to me. Even if I was gay hugging someone why the fuck would you ask?

kcirtsew · 1 year

No we don't.

[deleted] · 1 year

It's cultural. You might as well ask why Americans don't greet aquaintences with a kiss like the French do.

Personal space varies by culture. For example, when you are waiting in a line, the distance you stand from the person ahead of you is determined by your culture. Americans stand several feet apart. Asians stand butt-to-nut. It can make you uncomfortable when you travel.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_space

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_contact_and_personal_space_in_the_United_States

troaway1 · 1 year

Watch a few episodes of Scrubs. The three main male characters show the spectrum of hetero male comfort with physical contact. Notice there is no hand holding, its generally just not done unless you're a couple or dating.

bioskope · 1 year

We need to go back to the 80s. The homophobia levels were significantly lower back then. Case in point, Appollo and Rockys training sessions.

[deleted] · 1 year

Would you say hugging and kissing someone on the cheek, like a close family member such as your grandfather, father, uncle or brother would be weird? Because in Portugal we do it.

davendak · 1 year

What other people think doesn't so much matter. I dated a guy once (he was gay, and so was I :D) and held hands , taking a walk along the busiest street in a very conservative city. I remember all the carloads of hateful, delusional people driving by, who didn't and don't matter at all.

subtonix · 1 year

You sound like you're into bearded homo-lust.

Anecdope · 1 year

I'm just worried that if I act too affectionate/flamboyant with a male friend, that everyone will think I'm a republican.

JimmyJamesMac · 1 year

Good enough for GWB

PeterIanStaker · 1 year

It's got nothing to do with gay or not gay. I don't really want anyone's hand in my hand or head on my shoulder. Unless there's a good reason for someone to be that physically close to me, they ought to gtfo.

thevideoclown · 1 year

Yea in Ethopia there are males holding hands everywhere and even guys sticking there hands in their friends back pocket as they walk down the street. Its normal. They aren't gay. When they come to Canada they defiantly get looks

KommieZombic · 1 year

Dude, don't generalize like that. I'm a straight American male, as are my closest friends, and we make out ALL THE TIME.

Nega-Vote · 1 year

One time me and my buddy went to a Wendy's and ordered something on the same order. When I offered to just lend him the 7 bucks and pay for him he said "No wait, I don't want them to think we're like, together, man."

Cue WTF face.

burdalane · 1 year

I've seen straight American men hug each other or put their arms around each other. I'm not sure if I've seen straight men of any nationality hold hands.

[deleted] · 1 year

This is how we roll in 'mericuh.

http://imgur.com/96HJV.gif

eramos · 1 year

Dunno, maybe the same reason Sri Lankans make gross generalizations about people.

Also, maybe you should worry more about the Tamil Tigers than if other dudes are holding hands in a country halfway around the world.

jmrgn · 1 year

It's a different culture, plain and simple. The people bagging on Americans for having different interpretations for the same acts are just being narrow minded. Western cultures tend to put an emphasis on personal space. In America, hand holding tends to be seen as a sign of intimate affection, not friendly affection. Criticizing that is as foolish as an American criticizing a couple because the man didn't give his S.O. a diamond engagement ring. Things just work differently in different places. If you go somewhere else and aren't cognizant of their norms you run the risk of being mislabeled.

logrusmage · 1 year

Hooray for sweeping generalizations!

[deleted] · 1 year

Eh, I'll admit, I do the same thing. My closest friend is gay and I call him out for being gay whenever he speaks buddy talk. (I also make racist jokes, too.. I can't help it).

Honestly, I don't know about others but for myself, I have space and emotional issues. For example, I don't hug anyone and I don't believe it's good to express emotions.

I even call me my mom gay whenever she tries to hug me. ... But that's also due to the fact that I'm kind of a jerk!

But more to the point, it's just a cultural difference. I mean, the physical closeness represents intimacy. But, there are grounds for intimacy which, for one reason or another, just are not accepted in certain cultures. (Maybe because Americans like the idea of being independent)

McHoff · 1 year

??? Not my friends

Rob3210 · 1 year

Where friends?

spookymulder · 1 year

Another grand generalization. Have you been everywhere in America to test this? Or have you heard something about it, and then decided to put all 300 something million people in the same group? I hug my friends all the time. We put our arms around each other for all kinds of things. Perhaps what you mean is some Americans? Or are you taking sociology studies and linking that to all americans? I think you should rephrase from "American Men" to "Some American Men". Also, please, please try to refrain from generalizations, they are quite often intellectually dishonest.

Arelius · 1 year

Holding hands is a bit weird. But I get hugs with my male friends and are otherwise very close. I don't know if it's just my group of friends or part of living in this part of California.

Spacetronaught · 1 year

As an American male I want to fuck, kill or vote on everything. Possibly all at once. Using broken and silly logic, I assume everyone else has the same motives. And I for one am not a ballot box and hate paper cuts.

beyron · 1 year

In the NBA males slap other males asses all the time.

laserman64 · 1 year

Because it's America, home of every-man-is-an-island. Physical contact = bad unless it's intended to cause pain. Gotta love it.

wantonballbag · 1 year

You'll blow their cover, man.

tempest993 · 1 year

I'm a straight male, with (working on it) zero homophobia. However, I am very uncomfortable and awkward with male/male physical contact.

Judging by my human/human contact in general though, I think this has more to do with my upbringing and general lack of contact. I usually feel uncomfortable letting ANYONE in my space, male or female.

Having said that, I sometimes feel I crave human contact, probably from the lack of it.

mackii · 1 year

I find the same thing. It's just a cultural thing obviously, just the same as when I was travelling through Europe or when I hang around a lot of Europeans it's quite common to do the whole kiss on both cheeks thing, which I always fuck up in a moment of awkwardness. I know it's not the same for everyone in my country, but everyone I know reasonably well back home in NZ has no issues giving each other a hug when they meet or part ways. It's just totally comfortable to hug your mates. The world needs more hugs as far as I'm concerned. It just makes everyone feel a little better.

riffic · 1 year

This used to be the style a century or two ago. Male affection was common up to the end of the nineteenth century.

http://www.metafilter.com/59536/Seeing-Males-Together-When-It-Was-OK-to-Show-Affection

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